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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Having not checked back here in quite a while, I've got some thoughts to share about your last post person12345.
To me, it's not just the women in porn that are interchangable, but the men too. Often they are nothing more than a hard cock. I... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, I'd still do it but not very often. There are other reasons behind the behavior that don't all revolve around sexual satisfaction. It is a stress relief. I also use it to help improve sexual stamina so that I can perform better and last ... (read in full...)
I'm like a zombie...think I lost my girlfriend!
Q. Ok Guys I need some serious help. I met this girl off a free online dating website about 3 months ago. She is the girl of my dreams, she's what I've wanted my entire life. There is a lot to this so I'll keep it as brief as possible. I'm 28 and she's ...
A. 2 November 2010: Couldn't keep the no contact rule huh? Well, I like getting to say "I told you so" sometimes, but this isn't one of them. At least you got some sort of closure out of it though! Best of luck finding someone physically AND emotionally available.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 November 2010: Holy crap! I think we just had breakthrough time didn't we! I'm very glad that there are women like you out there. I hope to meet one of my own someday. I'm also glad it seems like you've found the source of your feelings about his porn ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Sad, I know. Actually, I can think of one time it happened and one time it almost did. Once it happened on accident, but fortunately for me we were in a 69 and she was having one at the same time so she didn't care. Another told me she swallowed ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good point Gabrielle. Let me rephrase, your attitude about sex is special. As is yours Smiliek. I hope to meet a woman with similar feelings toward sex someday.
Do guys prefer a handjob or bj when getting a "release?"
This guy prefers a bj... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're a special girl Gabrielle, and I envy your partner. The only girl I've met who had a similar attitude to you as far as sex turned out to be a manipulative psycho. That relationship never would have lasted so long if the sex wasn't so ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: Good questions, and no you're not all alone, I keep checking in and referring people in situations similar to yours back to this thread.
Can a guy have enough sex that he doesn't need to masturbate?
Yes and no. I've found that (at least in my ... (read in full...)
I'm like a zombie...think I lost my girlfriend!
Q. Ok Guys I need some serious help. I met this girl off a free online dating website about 3 months ago. She is the girl of my dreams, she's what I've wanted my entire life. There is a lot to this so I'll keep it as brief as possible. I'm 28 and she's ...
A. 18 October 2010: Well, if there ever was a silver lining to such a situation, you now have bigger concerns than her to worry about. I hope you find a new job soon, and one that you enjoy more than your last!... (read in full...)
I'm like a zombie...think I lost my girlfriend!
Q. Ok Guys I need some serious help. I met this girl off a free online dating website about 3 months ago. She is the girl of my dreams, she's what I've wanted my entire life. There is a lot to this so I'll keep it as brief as possible. I'm 28 and she's ...
A. 18 October 2010: All these actions are those of someone who is incredibly insecure. She's not ready for a relationship, at least not one that will work.... (read in full...)
Why does everyone get along with one of my friends?
Q. There usto be a group of us then we all split up because of big arguments.She is a quiet girl but it's like when theres an argument between the gang and we all split up she still speaks to everyone. If i go gossiping to her she doesnt seem botherd, ...
A. 15 October 2010: I think your friend is doing what you all should be doing. That is not gossiping, fighting, and being petty. She has maintained these friendships because she doesn't get involved. People vent to her because they know they can trust her. It gets ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that he sent her this message? Was it right that he did that?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating on and off for 3 years. Would have been 3 years straight if it werent for this one girl Kristen. He kept cheating on me with her..then they started dating. Things got horrible between them. I mean BAD. It made ...
A. 14 October 2010: Nah, really this message is him distancing himself from her. I wouldn't be worried unless he continues contacting her. ... (read in full...)
Need reassurance that my penis is big enough for her!
Q. OK, I've been married for almost 32 years. I've never been with another woman, but my wife had some flings long ago before we were married. I've always wondered if I'm really big renough for her as she seems to always enjoy sex but almost never cli...
A. 14 October 2010: If it were a problem for her, I'm sure she would have told you by now. You're above average.
Many women have trouble having an orgasm through intercourse. For some it is simply impossible. In those cases it is important to find somethin... (read in full...)
Wife isn't sexually attracted to me anymore! Any advice?
Q. I'm 41 and have been married to my wife for 16 years. We waited 6 years after marriage for kids to make sure we were compatible; we don't believe in divorce. Our 2 children are ages 10 and 8. I am above average-looking, slim build.....I have never ...
A. 14 October 2010: Honestly it is very possible that her medications are killing her sex drive. Also, thyroid meds and antidepressents usually don't mix well, and alcohol definitely doesn't go with that mix. The alcohol abuse was also a way to self medicate the ... (read in full...)
Did I just get played by my ex?!?
Q. I'm confused and scared that the love of my life has just played me! My ex and i broke up about 4 months ago and there has not been a day that has gone by that we haven't talked to one another. Sometimes it's at arms length, a lot of the times it'...
A. 14 October 2010: Played? Maybe, but you definitely weren't in a situation that would turn out well. Afterall, you knew he was cheating when you two had sex. What were you expecting? Him to drop her and come running back to you?
Really, you two shouldn'... (read in full...)
I'm cold toward my wife and need to get the love back!
Q. Hi, we have been married for 11 years and have two beautiful daughters. My question is that my wife is not or rather seem not to be interested in sex. Whenever I get close to her or try to make a move towards having sex she shrugs me off and says ...
A. 14 October 2010: Many times in a situation like this your wife is looking for small displays of your love and affection. Things like telling her you love her before you leave for work. Giving her a kiss goodbye and hello. A small gift just because. Basically, ... (read in full...)
This complex situation is taking its toll on me!
Q. i am a married women in love with a married men who is involved with my collegue. they have a child together and we all work together. to make things worse the wife hate my collegue but likes me, she invites me without knowing that i am involved ...
A. 14 October 2010: Stop cheating. Tell everyone the truth. Prepare for the fallout.
Seriously, what were you thinking? You're cheating on your husband with someone who is cheating on his wife and you! What were you hoping to get out of this mess?... (read in full...)
Does this make me a terrible person?
Q. Im a really spiteful person. Today my boyfriend text me, asking me to get ready and meet him in town. I got ready, drove halfway to town when my phone started ringing. I pulled into a street, stopped and answered it. It was my boyfriend tellin...
A. 14 October 2010: Yes it's natural for you to feel hurt by broken plans, even if you understand that there were good reasons for the plans to be broken. The key is how you handle it. You can't lash out at him or make him feel bad. Do your best to empathize with ... (read in full...)
Why is there a distinction between bisexual and bi-curious?
Q. Just a random question I often wonder about, not a plea for help... I hear a lot from different people, when it comes to bisexuality, that if you haven't 'slept' with or 'been' with a person of the same sex, you are only bi-curious becau...
A. 14 October 2010: You know, I've never thought about it. You make a very good point. I think the whole "bi-curious" thing popped up around the same time that it became trendy to be a lesbian, or at least for girls to make out. You see it all the time. I doubt any ... (read in full...)
Why would my coworker act this way?
Q. Why would a man do this? Theres this man where I work who has really been pushing it with me lately. He initiates conversations with me then starts asking me about whether I watch porn, that I should go browse dvd stores with my partner, and sta...
A. 14 October 2010: What he is doing is considered sexual harassment in most workplaces and shouldn't be tolerated.
What does he hope to achieve?
Hard to say, probably nothing. Maybe he likes making you uncomfortable. It can be fun to watch a girl squirm when... (read in full...)
I'm like a zombie...think I lost my girlfriend!
Q. Ok Guys I need some serious help. I met this girl off a free online dating website about 3 months ago. She is the girl of my dreams, she's what I've wanted my entire life. There is a lot to this so I'll keep it as brief as possible. I'm 28 and she's ...
A. 14 October 2010: That would be fine. I think it would be too difficult for you to try and be her friend given your feelings for her. Time may change that though.
I'm glad to hear you're finally getting some piece of mind. Take care and good luck.... (read in full...)
I'm like a zombie...think I lost my girlfriend!
Q. Ok Guys I need some serious help. I met this girl off a free online dating website about 3 months ago. She is the girl of my dreams, she's what I've wanted my entire life. There is a lot to this so I'll keep it as brief as possible. I'm 28 and she's ...
A. 14 October 2010: "What do you think? Do you think it's a good idea I leave her be? let her contact me if she wants? And be more assertive?
I'm not sure she is capable to be with anyone in her current state. I think she is looking for the "perfect man" to come... (read in full...)
I'm like a zombie...think I lost my girlfriend!
Q. Ok Guys I need some serious help. I met this girl off a free online dating website about 3 months ago. She is the girl of my dreams, she's what I've wanted my entire life. There is a lot to this so I'll keep it as brief as possible. I'm 28 and she's ...
A. 14 October 2010: Ok, gotta say, your name is from one of my favorite movies. I'm also going to start by saying that you're probably not going to like my thoughts on your problem.
Here it is, she is not over her ex. Sure, she's not wanting to get back with him... (read in full...)
This girl is so confusing! Should I ask her out again?
Q. I am 16 years old, and have always liked girls before, but after recently meeting someone at a new school, I attracted to her in a way that I have never been before. I'll refer to her as Sarah. I'll admit, I went in too soon and asked Sarah out,...
A. 13 October 2010: Don't read anything into Facebook, it generally causes nothing but problems for people who try.
It can't hurt to ask her out again. If you feel like you're still interested why not? "Clearing the air" implies that there is some problem and show... (read in full...)
How can we have this discussion without fighting?
Q. So I've been with this girl for 2 years and I feel I am at a point where some hard decisions need to be made in regards to the relationship. At the moment I live with my girlfriend and have done for a year, the relationship has developed into q...
A. 13 October 2010: Often, the person on the receiving end of such statements feel like they are under attack. That's usually what causes the defensive reaction leading to a fight. Usually the best way to have a conversation that usually leads to a fight is to bring ... (read in full...)
Why didn't she tell me that in the first place?
Q. I was just wondering why a girl would tell you that there is something wrong with her. Say she was having a rough day and she didn't get what she wanted. I did send her a silly text saying, I hope that you are okay. Then less then an hour latter, ...
A. 13 October 2010: Do you mean she told you nothing was wrong and then explained that there was actually a problem later? That's really common, especially when you're in the middle of dealing with something. It's a way to avoid talking about it or making people ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 13 October 2010: Welcome back Mia. Glad you got everything sorted out!... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to smooth things over?
Q. Hello All, I hate to ask others opinions on things because usually I can take care of things on my own....but lately it seems nobody is taking my side on things and I'm just curious as to what others think. I have been dating my boyfriend for ab...
A. 13 October 2010: Just think, with all the skills you've learned here you could have a promising career in politics! :)
Good luck staying out of future problems!... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to smooth things over?
Q. Hello All, I hate to ask others opinions on things because usually I can take care of things on my own....but lately it seems nobody is taking my side on things and I'm just curious as to what others think. I have been dating my boyfriend for ab...
A. 13 October 2010: I think that you should take the high road again and smooth it over. Then, after things are settled this time, tell them that you don't want to be involved anymore. This has become too stressful and you don't feel right being put in the middle. ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome being shy?
Q. I am a very shy person when I'm around people. I would like to know how I can overcome being shy? I am not go at socialize and starting a conversation. I feel like sometimes I don't fit in the crowd sometimes; I feel like I am boring....
A. 13 October 2010: Are you good at anything? I used to be pretty shy too. Then I got a job as a martial arts teacher. It was something I've done my whole life, so I knew the material, but I had to get good at public speaking, taking command of a room, and all sorts ... (read in full...)
I feel invisible and lonely...
Q. I feel invisible and lonely? I have friends on Facebook but I really feel like I don't have anything in common with and don't know them that much; I just want to be their friends becuse they seem interesting. Some of the do play games with me but I ...
A. 13 October 2010: What's the question? You have question marks after statements, but that doesn't make them questions. Is this just about Facebook, or more generally in your life? Are you wondering how to make friends?
Making friends is actually pretty easy. T... (read in full...)
I don't understand men at all!!!
Q. Well, basically I don't understand men at all, whatsoever at the minute, so I have come here in desperate need for some advice. I met a boy not long ago, he took my number, but never passed on his. Today, he text me saying... "I miss you short...
A. 13 October 2010: Stay away from him. Somehow I get the feeling that this "ex" isn't actually an ex. I get the feeling like he's calling his GF an ex to get you on the line too. I'm basing this on my gut feeling so I may be wrong, but even if I am, he has some ... (read in full...)
Should I explain to him or call it off?
Q. hey, every boy i met it doesnt go any further then dating and once it begins to get serious they get out as fast as they can. so i have decided to try a online dating site and met this boy i do like. i have gave him my number and we have been ...
A. 13 October 2010: Have you guys gone on a date? 3 months of talking is too much. Either do something or move on. At least that's my view. Why has it never progressed past the phone?... (read in full...)
Is it insecure to feel that your boyfriend only wants sex and your body even though he say he loves you?
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 4 months. We get into things pretty quickly. He's not a virgin and pretty forward about what's in his mind. He wanted sex but all that we do up till now was foreplay. No intercourse. I'm sure that he is ...
A. 13 October 2010: Hard questions to answer because some guys will do literally anything to get sex. Anything. However, those guys usually don't stick it out for four months either. Just remember it is never a bad thing to take it slowly when it comes to sex. More ... (read in full...)
I need help with things in the bedroom!
Q. I need help with things in the bedroom. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 11 months now and we make love nearly every day without fail, we took each others viginity. But now im woried that im not as good as him because whenever im taking ...
A. 13 October 2010: Sometimes in the heat of the moment our hips just start thrusting. I wouldn't read too much into it. It sounds like you're leading a good sex life. Do you communicate during sex? Do you guide eachother? If not, then I would suggest starting to ... (read in full...)
I really care for this guy but he is not what I need
Q. Thank you in advance for taking time out of your day for a stranger. Also, short disclaimer. I KNOW you should never try to CHANGE A MAN. But he has asked me to help him change, over and over I tell him I feel bad that I want him to change some t...
A. 13 October 2010: Like Lutherans aren't crazy too... Ha! What a joke! And don't take this as Catholic retribution either because I don't fall into that category either. You say you're tolerant of other religions but your words prove otherwise (Catholic Damage). ... (read in full...)
He won't make a move!
Q. I want him..he wants me but he wont make a move !! Help this man is driving me to distraction :)...
A. 13 October 2010: Yeah, if you're sure he likes you, then just make a move yourself. ... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend needs to stop being so clingy!
Q. hello my boyfriend and i have been dating for about a week now. we have known eachother since summer only problem is i live 8 hours away from him so were doing the whole long distance thing. he is so clingy. i talk to him everyday and when i try and ...
A. 13 October 2010: Do yourself a favor and walk away. You're not dating if you don't go on dates. This will end badly if you don't end it now.... (read in full...)
He's angry and not into sex, but I can't end it
Q. When I first met my boyfriend of two years, he was really sweet and caring, affectionate and loving. But now we’ve been together a while, his horrible temper has emerged, he swears and punches walls etc when things don’t go his way. When we argue ...
A. 13 October 2010: He sounds like he's checked out. What I would recommend doing is looking for ways to get out. Look at what you have that is tying you to him, and then figure out how to start cutting those ties. For example, the lease. You may be able to find a ... (read in full...)
Going on my first-ever date -- at 20! Tips appreciated.
Q. i need help! tomorrow i am going on my first date ever and i have no clue what to do! i am in some serious need of dating tips. for example, what are some topics i can bring up if things start to get awkward? What food should i eat? What should i ...
A. 13 October 2010: A first date is kind of like a job interview. It's a way for you to start to get to know eachother. The topics of conversation will depend on how you met and what you already know about eachother. On a first date, it's almost better if you don't ... (read in full...)
She is involved with a drug taking, alcoholic sex addict
Q. There is a girl at school that I have been friends with for a long time, atleast 7 years. I am really worried about her because She has recently started going out with a guy who is a huge druggy, alcholic and sex addict. I really don't wanr her to ...
A. 13 October 2010: The more of a bad boy you make him out to be, the more appeal he will have for her. Why else would she be attracted to him? Making him forbidden fruit by telling a parent or authority figure will only serve to turn her against you and make her ... (read in full...)
It feels as if he is forcing himself to move on because we broke up over something so small and silly.
Q. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years, after a year we had a break because i was being overly argumentative, and we never fought, it was only 2 weeks and ever since then we were better than ever. we wet on several holidays together and spent a lot of ...
A. 13 October 2010: I get the same feeling as CaringGuy. I lean toward him falling out of love with you some time ago and this was just the excuse he needed to end it.
I think you need to move on. If he does realize it was a mistake, he will call you, but I do... (read in full...)
How can I help my stressed out boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend takes a very important exam next week and he's so stressed and worried and looks awful. How can I be of some assistance to him? I say comforting things but they just don't work! I feel so powerless watching him like that!...
A. 13 October 2010: I agree with CaringGuy. I'd like to add that there are a few things you can do that will help. You could maybe make dinner for the two of you, or maybe offer a massage when he takes a break. All that stress is likely to make for some tense ... (read in full...)
If he's with this other girl then why does he keep looking at me?
Q. Hi, um to cut a long story short at the start of college i really liked this guy and i think he liked me too we had just started speaking and things he got my number and everything was going quite well, then we were talking via the internet and he ...
A. 13 October 2010: His behavior indicates interest and is really inappropriate for someone who is in a relationship. I think you need to lay down the law as it were. Tell him that you're only interested in continuing the communications if something is going to come ... (read in full...)
I must send out vibes that say "I'm not interested"
Q. Im a sophomore in college, and I just dont get why guys arent into me in "that" way. Well, I sort of do. Im fairly certain its not my looks as guys have liked me/I do get hit on randomly. I have a really low image of myself (probably because of my ...
A. 13 October 2010: Picky is good, but it can also hinder you from finding some good people. It all depends on what you're picky about. A lot of people quest for perfection, and end up with nothing but disappointment. There are very few "perfect" people out there. ... (read in full...)
I cheated on him, but now I am the one that is paranoid all the time....
Q. ive been with my boyfriend now for 6 months and around 4 months ago i cheated on him which is the biggest mistake have ever made. we worked through it and he moved in, but i have become very paranoid and feel like i am suffocating him, i dont know ...
A. 13 October 2010: So, you cheated 2 months into your relationship and he actually stuck around?!? Pardon my surprise, but I wouldn't have given you another second. With that said, your problem is likely due to guilt you're feeling about having cheated. It's as if ... (read in full...)
Do I really smell ok down there, or is he just saying that?
Q. My bf gives me oral quite a lot. And I always apologise if it's not fresh down there. But he always always "It's fine, don't worry" and continues about his business. Does he really think that or does he just do it not to offend me?...
A. 13 October 2010: I love the smell and taste, even if it hasn't been freshened up immediately before. Actually, that odor is a natural turn on for most men since it signifies being ready to mate. It is actually pretty primal.
He is very likely not lying to you. ... (read in full...)
Why do you answer to these questions?
Q. I just want to know something, why do you guys answer to these people? what do you plan to get out of it? do you think "God" will reimburse you for your efforts and "love"? do you feel better by helping others you don't know? I really don't see any ...
A. 12 October 2010: Plain and simple. It's fun for me. I don't believe in God, so I'm not holding my breath there. The occasional thanks is more than enough. ... (read in full...)
Should I disclose a past prostitute visit to my girlfriend?
Q. I am in a committed relationship now. However, a few years before, I lost my virginity to a prostitute. I did so because I was feeling depressed, things were looking bleak, and thought I wouldn't be in a relationship. I don't have any desire to ...
A. 12 October 2010: I tend to agree with baddogbj on this one, but I still believe in honesty in a relationship. Still, this kind of info is not the kind of thing that will bode well for your relationship. Let your past be the past and don't bring it up.... (read in full...)
Why does she have to have the same name as my ex?!?
Q. Dear agony aunts and uncles, I am currently friends with a girl who has the same name as my ex. Me and this girl have been spending so much time together in the summer and getting closer. We are not exclusively goin out but we have kissed once...
A. 12 October 2010: It doesn't matter what your friends think, and if they are real friends a brief statement should fix whatever doubts they may have. Also, does this girl know about their shared name? If so, the two of you could probably come up with some kind of ... (read in full...)
I am questioning my husbands commitment and ability to be an adult
Q. I am questioning my relationship with my husband and his commitment to me. I feela s though his selfishness is getting in the way of our relationship. I have a 7 year old son who my husband has adopted and helped raise and my husband is very close ...
A. 12 October 2010: Glad to help out. Get me on certain topics and I assure you that my name fits. ;-)
I hope that you can work this out, even if it means leaving the marriage. Relationships are about mutual compromise. When all of the bending comes from one side... (read in full...)
I am questioning my husbands commitment and ability to be an adult
Q. I am questioning my relationship with my husband and his commitment to me. I feela s though his selfishness is getting in the way of our relationship. I have a 7 year old son who my husband has adopted and helped raise and my husband is very close ...
A. 12 October 2010: Have you told him these feelings? I'm guessing you have, and I'm pleased to hear that you're in therapy.
Ok, part of the problem is your husband, but part of it is also you. You facilitate all of his behavior. You sacrifice for yourself... (read in full...)
I am questioning my husbands commitment and ability to be an adult
Q. I am questioning my relationship with my husband and his commitment to me. I feela s though his selfishness is getting in the way of our relationship. I have a 7 year old son who my husband has adopted and helped raise and my husband is very close ...
A. 12 October 2010: To me, it sounds like he's asking himself similar questions to the ones you're asking yourself. His acting out this way is his way of testing the waters, of trying to establish some form of dominance, of seeing just how much of his crap you'll ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree. It is lazy. It also becomes harder to fantasize if you're constantly bombarding yourself with these images. The problem in my life is that I haven't found many women with comparable sex drives. Most of the women I've been with have ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: I agree to a point. I think part of the appeal of porn with regard to masturbation is that it is easy and highly accessable. Can I masturbate without it? Sure. The thing is that it takes longer. At least for me. If I just want to make it fast, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ha! Just because they happen doesn't mean they need to be accepted. I see people who don't pay their taxes every day. Death is hard to cheat though.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 6 October 2010: Nobody ever has to accept anything they don't want to. I do believe that a lot of people believe that someone may have to accept something but the truth is that it is your right as an individual to make your own choices as to what you'll accept or ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 5 October 2010: I'm still reading it. :-)
I think that's because of the fact that it's viewed as "taboo." These are conversations that need to take place in a relationship. It makes the relationship stronger if both parties lay out their expectations for each... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 30 September 2010: I think you're right person12345, there is a bit of the ostrich syndrome going on here. I have some thoughts on this question though: "If she's already insecure and that makes it worse, why wouldn't he want to make her feel better?"
This is a sli... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 29 September 2010: OK Friends, we're opened back up. I just wanted to post a reminder to everyone to keep it civil. I haven't seen anything like that in a while, but it's still worthy of a reminder.
So, without further delay, please let the conversation continue... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Katy, I didn't realize you were the anon poster. However, I never said you don't belong here, just the negativity you were expressing.
I was pushing for contributions, not attacks. Please do contribute. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Anon poster, where your argument about men fails is your statement about their actions. Actions and thoughts are two very different things. Just because we may fantasize about something, that doesn't mean we will, or even we want to in reality, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "Why is it you don't talk about 'masturbation addicts'"
LOL Mia, a masturbation addict will eventually be unable to even view porn since they'll go blind and have super hairy palms.
Don't you love those old wive's tales?
I also have pro... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "As for Dirtball's theory about masturbation is dirty, I think porn would actually lessen especially in how degrading it is if masturbation wasn't thought of as hidden and dirty."
I agree. When we're hiding something already, it becomes easier t... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 25 August 2010: "But lying as a teen to your mum is surely different to lying to your partner?"
It is and it isn't. Your point is valid and the way things should work ideally. The thing is that learned behavior is difficult to change. An example. I live alo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 24 August 2010: Why is this "ok" to lie about?
It really isn't. You are right that a relationship built around lies doesn't have a real foundation. Now, what I'm about to type, is the justification.
It's not that it's ok to lie about it, it's that men ha... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: Be careful when you say such things, especially if the pig is around. He tends to get very funny ideas when you say "woman, naked, ogle"
Ha, Q isn't the only one who gets crazy thoughts in his head when he hears (or reads) those words. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: If I had a gf who would take sexy pics of herself or star in a video with me, you better believe I'd watch that above anything else in my collection. The problem is that, like with just about anything, the same thing can get boring if repeated ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: "sorry to drag it back, but im still at a loss as to what to say to women who post on here who cannot accept their partners porn use, but love him and do not wish to leave the rship. If he wont stop (even if he only does it sometimes) what should ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: I should add, thank you for identifying yourself!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Sorry person 12345... I was writing my response at the same time.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Anon, she says you're hiding because you haven't signed up and given us a user name to call you.
As for the prevalence in today's society... I blame "girls gone wild." My mom had an argument with one of my brother's girlfriends once because ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: I'm going to step out of the porn discussion for a second and address the Neuroscience issue (as this was one of my primary collegiate areas of study).
What you see activating in the brain of an addict during a scan is their dopamine centers.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: My point is that "normal, mainstream porn" can be all the things I listed. It's all out there for anyone with internet access. Even in your "expert" opinion you have to see you're over generalizing. Also, just because something is out there, it ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm with Tisha. There is every kind of porn out there under the sun.
You've got the ones where they are actors with lines and are playing out a scenario. Heck, I just saw a XXX parody of "That 70's Show." It was hardly degrading. It was funn... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: Wow, this thread really exploded didn't it.
First. To LucyLoos. I was the responder who discussed my sex drive. I find it admirable that you've been able to enhance yours to meet your husband's needs. That's excellent. My first choice i... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 19 August 2010: "I love the man i met, i dont have any need or want to change him. I may not love the man he became if he tried."
Of your whole post (which I agree could really have used paragraphs) this is the sentence that summed up my stance on this topic. ... (read in full...)
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