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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Having not checked back here in quite a while, I've got some thoughts to share about your last post person12345.
To me, it's not just the women in porn that are interchangable, but the men too. Often they are nothing more than a hard cock. I... (read in full...)
How to handle trust issueswith pornography, boyfriend & lying
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. My previous boyfriend was addicted to porn and lied about it. I'm one of those girls who hate it--it's demoralizing in my eyes, sick, and perverted. So when I asked him about watching it or ...
A. 17 March 2011: Thank you very much for the update. I'm very glad things worked out for you. I wish you the best.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, I'd still do it but not very often. There are other reasons behind the behavior that don't all revolve around sexual satisfaction. It is a stress relief. I also use it to help improve sexual stamina so that I can perform better and last ... (read in full...)
Should I just let things happen as they may with my best friend?
Q. I am a sophmore in college (19 years old). I met this boy (23 years old) exactly one year ago and since then we have grown into best friends. He tells me everything and in turn I do the same. He just recently broke up with his girl friend that he ...
A. 5 November 2010: That means he most likely doesn't feel the same. It could be that he didn't want to talk about it, but usually that is a negative. He didn't want to hurt you by rejecting you so he changed the subject instead. That's not always the case. He may ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 November 2010: Holy crap! I think we just had breakthrough time didn't we! I'm very glad that there are women like you out there. I hope to meet one of my own someday. I'm also glad it seems like you've found the source of your feelings about his porn ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this crush? I hate it so much.
Q. Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not...
A. 29 October 2010: I think that's a good plan, I also think that your imagination played into some of the "signals." Lots of that is just being friendly. Good luck. It is definitely best if you can move on. Especially since you're in a relationship.... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this crush? I hate it so much.
Q. Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not...
A. 29 October 2010: "Why can't men behave normally? And why women can't think straight?"
We do. We're much more straight forward than women in my experience. Men really are quite simple. We're also bound by our insecurities, societal norms and values, and our mora... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Sad, I know. Actually, I can think of one time it happened and one time it almost did. Once it happened on accident, but fortunately for me we were in a 69 and she was having one at the same time so she didn't care. Another told me she swallowed ... (read in full...)
Are we doomed to keep repeating the same pattern?
Q. So here's my situation. I have been seperated from my ex of over 8yrs for about 2months ish. In the first month we still used to see each other quite alot and usually end up in bed but then all of a sudden she cut contact with me. I started to think ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good luck! I hope that things work out for you.... (read in full...)
I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral!
Q. I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral... this might turn out really long, in a way I just want to vent, but also some words of advise or opinions that can make me feel better w...
A. 28 October 2010: Thank you for the followup! You've got a great attitude about sex and I think your BF is luckier than he likely realizes.... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this crush? I hate it so much.
Q. Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not...
A. 28 October 2010: It's hard to say if that behavior means anything. He's probably interested on some level but it's hard to say how interested. I can say I'm 90% sure he won't make a move. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good point Gabrielle. Let me rephrase, your attitude about sex is special. As is yours Smiliek. I hope to meet a woman with similar feelings toward sex someday.
Do guys prefer a handjob or bj when getting a "release?"
This guy prefers a bj... (read in full...)
What is my girlfriend thinking?
Q. So heres my problem: My girlfriend hasnt been so affectionate lately so i brought it up with her and asked if there was something wrong and if she wanted to talk about anything. so she kinda gave me round about answers like "idk" and such so ...
A. 27 October 2010: 2 months. I think that helps make my case.
Thanks for the followup.... (read in full...)
I don't want to spoil his new-found fun with his long lost daughter but how do I get him to see our daughter needs quality time too?
Q. Hi my husband of three years, has a daughter by a previous relationship and hasnt seen her for 5 years. The Ex now says its ok for him to see her. I am ok with that, but in the 3 years we've been married he has worked almost every week 6 or 7 days a ...
A. 27 October 2010: Right now he's trying to make up for lost time. Instead of forcing him to plan something, why don't you plan a family activity for him to spend some quality time with you and your daughter? This way he'll have less stress about it and do what ... (read in full...)
What is my girlfriend thinking?
Q. So heres my problem: My girlfriend hasnt been so affectionate lately so i brought it up with her and asked if there was something wrong and if she wanted to talk about anything. so she kinda gave me round about answers like "idk" and such so ...
A. 27 October 2010: I think it's good you talked about it. You sensed a problem and addressed it. Excellent work.
With regard to her, it's hard to say. Of course, being a guy I'm probably not the best person to read your GF's mind. Usually big questions like she... (read in full...)
Is it possible there is no pleasure in sex?
Q. Is it possible for a promiscuous person to not enjoy sex? Why sleep around if there is no pleasure? ...
A. 27 October 2010: Yup, completely possible.
Possible reasons: compulsion, dominance, the thrill of the hunt, to prove his manhood, to make others miserable, to try and feel normal.
I'm sure there are other reasons too.... (read in full...)
He is finishing his labs and I feel neglected and sad... What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend is busy with his final year report in the university. I feel so neglected by him he is still in his lab doing experiments at 1am................ =( What can I do to spice up our life I feel so sad......
A. 27 October 2010: Be there for him when he needs you. He'll be done soon, so look forward to that time. Maybe make some plans for a nice relaxing getaway when he graduates.
Communicate your feelings to him. Try to do it in a non-needy way because he already ... (read in full...)
Our anniversary plans have turned into a fight, should I apologize?
Q. My bf and I had a petty argument this week while organising a weekend away for our anniversary, and he was really stressed out at work and I tried to help, but in these circumstances he is the better one to plan holidays as he knows who, what and ...
A. 27 October 2010: I think that you need to stand up for yourself. How he treats you isn't right. Now he's being a complete jerk when you did what he wanted? Nah, screw that.
You enable him to be this way when you cave and apologize for things that aren't y... (read in full...)
Why wont my ex return my belongings?
Q. My boyfriend and I split up about two weeks ago, and he still has some of my stuff at his place. I have asked for these things to be retuned, and a week ago I got some of them, but not the most important ones. Last meeting ended up with a fight as ...
A. 27 October 2010: Yikes, yeah, you want to get that stuff back! Like it or not, you'll need to get a third party involved. I think the police is still your safest bet as far as finding out your rights in this situation. That or doing some research on your own. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for him to masturbate to porn whenever I am not at home?
Q. my guy masturbates every time I am not home to porn is this normal? Even if we have sex on a regular? It always makes me angry when I find out , should I be worried ? I have talked to him about it but he says its normal but it hurts my feelings ...
A. 27 October 2010: So, it's that this makes you feel insecure. Ok, we're getting to the root of the problem. That's a great start.
Is it that he's masturbating to the images of other women that's making you feel unsexy? Is it that he's pleasuring himself ... (read in full...)
I am unsure of whether or not this woman from one of my college classes is interested.
Q. I was in a relationship with a woman for 5 years. After a tumultuous breakup, involving her cheating, time has passed and we are friends and I feel great about life and everything. My problem is this: I have been out of the dating game for so long ...
A. 27 October 2010: Instead of going out, she wants to come to your place. That's a good sign. She didn't turn you down, she suggest an alternative, a more private one at that.
Her mentioning her sexual needs could be interpreted either way, but I'd say it's mor... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're a special girl Gabrielle, and I envy your partner. The only girl I've met who had a similar attitude to you as far as sex turned out to be a manipulative psycho. That relationship never would have lasted so long if the sex wasn't so ... (read in full...)
Is my husband in love with his best friend?
Q. Hello all, Let me preface this by saying that I am a man and my husband is also a man, so if that makes you uncomfortable this is not the post for you... So here it is. I'm not sure where to start so I'll start with my husband and I have been ...
A. 27 October 2010: Residual feelings happen in situations like this, but usually they aren't something you have to be worried about unless you have other reason not to trust your husband. It seems to me that, while it took some time, your husband has grown to trust ... (read in full...)
What date is the first kiss usually initiated on?
Q. Dear Cupid, Im 18. He's 20. We've been dating for about a month. Met up three times during the month, two of them which were dates. He hasnt made any move other than putting his arm around me on the bus journey home, feeding me icecream in the...
A. 27 October 2010: If you trust the movie "Hitch" it's the 3rd date. I'd say that's fairly accurate. If it was a great first date I may go for a kiss, but probably a hug. Really, it boils down to confidence, how well you hit it off, and how comfortable he is with ... (read in full...)
Was I just second best?
Q. Ok, so i was a bit bored the other day and decided to look through the guy im seeing's facebook not to check up on him or anythin just out of curiosity really. So anyway we've been seein each other since the beginning of the year but we started ...
A. 27 October 2010: Does he call you his girlfriend? If so, you're official. As you get older, people don't "make it official" like they did in middle school or high school.
Even if he was interested in someone else, that doesn't mean he's not interested in you. ... (read in full...)
Why wont my ex return my belongings?
Q. My boyfriend and I split up about two weeks ago, and he still has some of my stuff at his place. I have asked for these things to be retuned, and a week ago I got some of them, but not the most important ones. Last meeting ended up with a fight as ...
A. 27 October 2010: He could be keeping them in hopes you'll be back, or out of spite, or because it forces contact with him, or some reason I can't think of.
You can try to contact his mom. Depending on how much pull she has with her son, she may be willing ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for him to masturbate to porn whenever I am not at home?
Q. my guy masturbates every time I am not home to porn is this normal? Even if we have sex on a regular? It always makes me angry when I find out , should I be worried ? I have talked to him about it but he says its normal but it hurts my feelings ...
A. 27 October 2010: Well, normal and right are two different things. Unfortunately it is becoming more normal. This topic comes up a lot here to be honest. Lots of guys do this. Just because lots of guys do that though, doesn't make it right. In the back of your ... (read in full...)
In the heat of the argument I told him he has a tiny penis! I know I have screwed up, so how do I fix this?
Q. Ok so ive been seeing this guy for a while now almost a year. He told me before that he always thought he had a small penis (he had been drinking, in fact i dont know if he remembers telling me that) but hes not small hes like 6.5 in. Ive been told ...
A. 27 October 2010: Yup, you screwed up big time. Picking on someone's insecurity is very low indeed. You can't fix it. That will stay with him forever. No matter how much you try to convince him you were lying to try to hurt him, in the back of his mind he will ... (read in full...)
How can I make him stay at school so I can get to know him better?
Q. hi how do i convince this boy i like not to leave school because in the UK you can leave school and get a collage thing this summmer and i want him to least to stay on so i can know him better and be with him i just really dont want him to see ...
A. 27 October 2010: Maybe if you told him you liked him and asked him out he would be motivated to stay. Why not tell him what you're feeling? ... (read in full...)
How to stay friends with an ex?
Q. How can I stay friends with my ex? I'm still not over him, but he seems to be very much over me. When he mentions other girls, it bothers me. Or when he flirts with other girls. Since we're over, it shouldn't matter that much to me. We go to the ...
A. 27 October 2010: It's incredibly difficult to do. In your case I would suggest talking to him and asking him to not talk about things like that to you. If he can muster some empathy for your feelings, that will go a long way toward helping you cope. Saying ... (read in full...)
How to handle trust issueswith pornography, boyfriend & lying
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. My previous boyfriend was addicted to porn and lied about it. I'm one of those girls who hate it--it's demoralizing in my eyes, sick, and perverted. So when I asked him about watching it or ...
A. 27 October 2010: Wow soon567, you really got me there... It's obvious you didn't ready my post or even understand what I wrote. Not surprising considering you don't even know the difference between constance and constant. You also didn't understand the OP's ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: Good questions, and no you're not all alone, I keep checking in and referring people in situations similar to yours back to this thread.
Can a guy have enough sex that he doesn't need to masturbate?
Yes and no. I've found that (at least in my ... (read in full...)
She wants me to cum in her face but I respect her too much to do that...
Q. Ok guys dont give me hell or call me a pansy. My gf asked me to cum in her face while she was giving me a blow job last week, and I totally froze up and couldnt do anything. I have watched it in porn and I dont see it as a turn on at all. Honestly...
A. 26 October 2010: If you respect her then wouldn't you want to fulfill her wishes? If she wants it, then it wouldn't be out of disrespect or to degrade. As long as your intent is pure there is nothing wrong with the act. I think that because she has tried things ... (read in full...)
How to handle trust issueswith pornography, boyfriend & lying
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. My previous boyfriend was addicted to porn and lied about it. I'm one of those girls who hate it--it's demoralizing in my eyes, sick, and perverted. So when I asked him about watching it or ...
A. 26 October 2010: jj1234, I don't know if you followed the link I posted, but it is a post from a woman who accepted porn and is trying to deal with the lies her BF tells around it. It evolved into a more general discussion, but there are many points in there that I ... (read in full...)
Why do friends say "we'll get together but it never happens?
Q. Maybe you guys can help me figure this one out. I'm always trying to figure people out. Our daughter played on a volleyball team last year. We made friends with one couple and their daughter. We had a great time getting together at voll...
A. 26 October 2010: Well PiP, I could see a couple of reasons why they may have done this. Maybe one of them was laid off and they can't afford to host a party now. They wanted to, but it didn't work out like planned. Maybe they are very busy due to some unforseen ... (read in full...)
I'm doubting my husband's honesty. Is he cheating on me?
Q. I’ve been married to Mike for 4 years. The past year or so, I caught him contradicting himself constantly. Example 1: He took home a football team lanyard several months ago. He told me that the guard at work gave it to him. Yesterday he blurted ...
A. 26 October 2010: I wouldn't call those examples a sign of cheating, just more a sign of general dishonesty. It could be for any number of reasons. Often when something isn't important to men, we tend to not pay that much attention to details. The guard may have ... (read in full...)
He says he's not a bad guy, can I believe him?
Q. there is a guy and we used to kiss and snog but it didn't really mean anything i think it is something like friends with benefits? and we are really good friends. then he liked this girl and now they are going out. but me and him are really r...
A. 26 October 2010: I don't care what your past is, the fact that he's trying to hook up with you while he has a GF is the sign of a scumbag. He's trying to have you as his piece on the side. Run away from this jerk and don't look back. Well, unless you like being ... (read in full...)
I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral!
Q. I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral... this might turn out really long, in a way I just want to vent, but also some words of advise or opinions that can make me feel better w...
A. 26 October 2010: I think it's good you denied him. Even if it felt bad, he can get a taste of the disappointment you feel at his refusal to reciprocate. I'm glad to hear that everything else is good. Tell him that his reaction to your request really hurt. This ... (read in full...)
Are we doomed to keep repeating the same pattern?
Q. So here's my situation. I have been seperated from my ex of over 8yrs for about 2months ish. In the first month we still used to see each other quite alot and usually end up in bed but then all of a sudden she cut contact with me. I started to think ...
A. 26 October 2010: Most of the time in situations like this you just keep repeating the same thing over and over and over. You've already done it 4 times.
This relationship isn't working. It is possible to love someone and still not be right for eachothe... (read in full...)
Is my vagina too small?
Q. My vagina looks small. Not able to insert the penis. What to do, for the penis to get inserted?...
A. 26 October 2010: The wonderful part about the vagina is that it is a one size fits all kind of thing. It can stretch to pass a baby, so I don't think you have to worry. i don't know any guys with a penis the size of a baby.... (read in full...)
Should I go for him or leave him alone?
Q. Ok. So I have a crush on this guy, it may not be that. I want to tell him I think he looks good :D why? I don't know. But if he were to ask me out I would go. But the problem is my cousin said he flirts with her and her coworkers @ work. She said ...
A. 26 October 2010: What if, what if, what if? That's all I see here. You find a guy cute and he may or may not flirt with your cousin who has a history of trying to hook up with guys you like/are with.
So, what if you talk to this boy? What if he asks you out?... (read in full...)
I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral!
Q. I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral... this might turn out really long, in a way I just want to vent, but also some words of advise or opinions that can make me feel better w...
A. 26 October 2010: Long isn't so bad when you use paragraphs like this. Thumbs up! BTW, you'll be getting a long answer in reply.
Ok, lots of stuff going on here. I'll try to offer a guy's perspective on this issue.
First the easy one. Cumming on your ... (read in full...)
How to handle trust issueswith pornography, boyfriend & lying
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. My previous boyfriend was addicted to porn and lied about it. I'm one of those girls who hate it--it's demoralizing in my eyes, sick, and perverted. So when I asked him about watching it or ...
A. 26 October 2010: A lie is a lie. I'll say that outright. You have every right to set the rules for what you will and will not tolerate in your life and in your relationships.
What I'm going to try to do is explain why lying about porn is different in the mind... (read in full...)
His addiction to video games is destroying our relationship!
Q. What would you do? I am with a man who is lovely, upbeat, faithful and generous, but over that last 2 years, it seems his demeaner to me has changed in a negative way. The way he talks to me, and about me, seems to be not to put me down, but to say, ...
A. 26 October 2010: My point about the lack of a visit being a red flag has nothing to do with her friends. As someone's partner it should be natural to want to see where they are living. Learn about their community. Do some giving instead of always taking. All of ... (read in full...)
I see no point in a LDR for 3 years
Q. My boyfriend is going overseas for work for 3 years. Should I initiate a break up? I see no point in a 3 years long distance relationship...
A. 26 October 2010: Good call! If the move is the only reason for the breakup, then you could always put the stipulation that if you're both single when he gets back you can give it another try.... (read in full...)
I found naughty texts do I confront her?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 3 months. My friends don't think she is trustworthy. The other day I was going through her phone and I noticed a text from a guy named John. I clicked on it and it said thing like I want you so b...
A. 26 October 2010: If that's a friendly text then I want to be her friend!
You need to confront this. You were most definitely in the wrong by searching through her phone. You are also right to be upset by such a find. I know I wouldn't stand for my GF telling ... (read in full...)
Should I just let things happen as they may with my best friend?
Q. I am a sophmore in college (19 years old). I met this boy (23 years old) exactly one year ago and since then we have grown into best friends. He tells me everything and in turn I do the same. He just recently broke up with his girl friend that he ...
A. 26 October 2010: Well, if you told him your feelings and he said he didn't feel the same then that's what you should go with. He could have said that because he doesn't feel it, or because he's not over his ex, or any number of other reasons. If all this time ... (read in full...)
Text message gone wrong
Q. hii.. i really need advice..please help me...i was in a relationship with a guy for past 1 and a half years...we both were serious about each other...in august i had a fight with him and in anger i wrote a message to him in which i put my entire a...
A. 26 October 2010: If he was so right, then why did you send such a nasty text?
Use this as a lesson. Things said in anger should only be said, never written. Written words can be saved and reviewed/relived over and over and over. Words when said will be hurtful,... (read in full...)
Signs a guy likes you...or not?
Q. What are some signs that a guy likes you? And what are some signs a guy doesn't? Please include body language, eye contact...etc. I need help ):...
A. 26 October 2010: Does he go out of his way to hang out with you?
Does he seek one on one time with you?
Does he do little things for you that you think are sweet?
Does he smile when he sees you?
Do his pupils dialate a bit when he looks at you?
Does he... (read in full...)
Should I risk losing our friendship, or hold my feelings in?
Q. Hi, im 24 years old and I'm in a relationship with a guy for 4 years now. I love him and can't see my life without him, but I've fallen for my best friend who is a girl. She is my life, I love her so much, and we cant go a day without talking to ...
A. 26 October 2010: I vote for telling her. The longer you hold this in the worse it will get. If you tell her and she doesn't feel the same, I doubt that she would freak out about it. The fact that you two had sex leads me to believe that your feelings are ... (read in full...)
His addiction to video games is destroying our relationship!
Q. What would you do? I am with a man who is lovely, upbeat, faithful and generous, but over that last 2 years, it seems his demeaner to me has changed in a negative way. The way he talks to me, and about me, seems to be not to put me down, but to say, ...
A. 26 October 2010: How long has he been gaming to this degree? It depends on the gamer and the game, but often it will run its course and he will back away from it after a while. NOW, some games will eat your soul if you let them. My best friend is into WoW and I'm ... (read in full...)
Will our relationship last?
Q. hi! am 23 years old, dating a 45 year old. he is married having three kids, his relationship with his wife is complicated. the wife left him with kids and went back to her home. the man is struggling so hard to raise the kids. will our ...
A. 26 October 2010: Denise32 is right, this will not end well for you. I would walk away from this right away. Even if she walked out, he's still cheating on his wife with you. Would you really want to start a new relationship that way? He's a cheater. Even with ... (read in full...)
I don't feel comfortable at my boyfriend spending the night with her ALONE!
Q. My boyfriend has a female friend, who he was in love with before he met me. Nothing ever happened between them, except that eventually he told her how he felt and they talked it over. Now his feelings for her are platonic and he's been with me for ...
A. 26 October 2010: You're only right if you don't trust him. The truth is that nothing is likely to happen. She has a BF and shot him down it the past. I don't think that she is likely to change her mind.
With regard to your BF, I think he's doing this because ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this crush? I hate it so much.
Q. Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not...
A. 26 October 2010: Exactly my point there. When we want something to be true we will often read into what's not there. We will give meaning to the meaningless. We will interpret things to mean things other than what they were intended to mean. We build up a whole ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this crush? I hate it so much.
Q. Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not...
A. 25 October 2010: Wow, I know how you feel. I had to leave my last relationship because of feelings I developed for someone else... The worst part is that she's taken and I won't tell her how I feel about her while she's in a relationship. It's a boundary I won't ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 13 October 2010: Welcome back Mia. Glad you got everything sorted out!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree. It is lazy. It also becomes harder to fantasize if you're constantly bombarding yourself with these images. The problem in my life is that I haven't found many women with comparable sex drives. Most of the women I've been with have ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: I agree to a point. I think part of the appeal of porn with regard to masturbation is that it is easy and highly accessable. Can I masturbate without it? Sure. The thing is that it takes longer. At least for me. If I just want to make it fast, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ha! Just because they happen doesn't mean they need to be accepted. I see people who don't pay their taxes every day. Death is hard to cheat though.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 6 October 2010: Nobody ever has to accept anything they don't want to. I do believe that a lot of people believe that someone may have to accept something but the truth is that it is your right as an individual to make your own choices as to what you'll accept or ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 5 October 2010: I'm still reading it. :-)
I think that's because of the fact that it's viewed as "taboo." These are conversations that need to take place in a relationship. It makes the relationship stronger if both parties lay out their expectations for each... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 30 September 2010: I think you're right person12345, there is a bit of the ostrich syndrome going on here. I have some thoughts on this question though: "If she's already insecure and that makes it worse, why wouldn't he want to make her feel better?"
This is a sli... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 29 September 2010: OK Friends, we're opened back up. I just wanted to post a reminder to everyone to keep it civil. I haven't seen anything like that in a while, but it's still worthy of a reminder.
So, without further delay, please let the conversation continue... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Katy, I didn't realize you were the anon poster. However, I never said you don't belong here, just the negativity you were expressing.
I was pushing for contributions, not attacks. Please do contribute. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Anon poster, where your argument about men fails is your statement about their actions. Actions and thoughts are two very different things. Just because we may fantasize about something, that doesn't mean we will, or even we want to in reality, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "Why is it you don't talk about 'masturbation addicts'"
LOL Mia, a masturbation addict will eventually be unable to even view porn since they'll go blind and have super hairy palms.
Don't you love those old wive's tales?
I also have pro... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "As for Dirtball's theory about masturbation is dirty, I think porn would actually lessen especially in how degrading it is if masturbation wasn't thought of as hidden and dirty."
I agree. When we're hiding something already, it becomes easier t... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 25 August 2010: "But lying as a teen to your mum is surely different to lying to your partner?"
It is and it isn't. Your point is valid and the way things should work ideally. The thing is that learned behavior is difficult to change. An example. I live alo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 24 August 2010: Why is this "ok" to lie about?
It really isn't. You are right that a relationship built around lies doesn't have a real foundation. Now, what I'm about to type, is the justification.
It's not that it's ok to lie about it, it's that men ha... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: Be careful when you say such things, especially if the pig is around. He tends to get very funny ideas when you say "woman, naked, ogle"
Ha, Q isn't the only one who gets crazy thoughts in his head when he hears (or reads) those words. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: If I had a gf who would take sexy pics of herself or star in a video with me, you better believe I'd watch that above anything else in my collection. The problem is that, like with just about anything, the same thing can get boring if repeated ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: "sorry to drag it back, but im still at a loss as to what to say to women who post on here who cannot accept their partners porn use, but love him and do not wish to leave the rship. If he wont stop (even if he only does it sometimes) what should ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: I should add, thank you for identifying yourself!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Sorry person 12345... I was writing my response at the same time.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Anon, she says you're hiding because you haven't signed up and given us a user name to call you.
As for the prevalence in today's society... I blame "girls gone wild." My mom had an argument with one of my brother's girlfriends once because ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: I'm going to step out of the porn discussion for a second and address the Neuroscience issue (as this was one of my primary collegiate areas of study).
What you see activating in the brain of an addict during a scan is their dopamine centers.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: My point is that "normal, mainstream porn" can be all the things I listed. It's all out there for anyone with internet access. Even in your "expert" opinion you have to see you're over generalizing. Also, just because something is out there, it ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm with Tisha. There is every kind of porn out there under the sun.
You've got the ones where they are actors with lines and are playing out a scenario. Heck, I just saw a XXX parody of "That 70's Show." It was hardly degrading. It was funn... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: Wow, this thread really exploded didn't it.
First. To LucyLoos. I was the responder who discussed my sex drive. I find it admirable that you've been able to enhance yours to meet your husband's needs. That's excellent. My first choice i... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 19 August 2010: "I love the man i met, i dont have any need or want to change him. I may not love the man he became if he tried."
Of your whole post (which I agree could really have used paragraphs) this is the sentence that summed up my stance on this topic. ... (read in full...)
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