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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Having not checked back here in quite a while, I've got some thoughts to share about your last post person12345.
To me, it's not just the women in porn that are interchangable, but the men too. Often they are nothing more than a hard cock. I... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, I'd still do it but not very often. There are other reasons behind the behavior that don't all revolve around sexual satisfaction. It is a stress relief. I also use it to help improve sexual stamina so that I can perform better and last ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 November 2010: Holy crap! I think we just had breakthrough time didn't we! I'm very glad that there are women like you out there. I hope to meet one of my own someday. I'm also glad it seems like you've found the source of your feelings about his porn ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Sad, I know. Actually, I can think of one time it happened and one time it almost did. Once it happened on accident, but fortunately for me we were in a 69 and she was having one at the same time so she didn't care. Another told me she swallowed ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good point Gabrielle. Let me rephrase, your attitude about sex is special. As is yours Smiliek. I hope to meet a woman with similar feelings toward sex someday.
Do guys prefer a handjob or bj when getting a "release?"
This guy prefers a bj... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're a special girl Gabrielle, and I envy your partner. The only girl I've met who had a similar attitude to you as far as sex turned out to be a manipulative psycho. That relationship never would have lasted so long if the sex wasn't so ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: Good questions, and no you're not all alone, I keep checking in and referring people in situations similar to yours back to this thread.
Can a guy have enough sex that he doesn't need to masturbate?
Yes and no. I've found that (at least in my ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 13 October 2010: Welcome back Mia. Glad you got everything sorted out!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree. It is lazy. It also becomes harder to fantasize if you're constantly bombarding yourself with these images. The problem in my life is that I haven't found many women with comparable sex drives. Most of the women I've been with have ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: I agree to a point. I think part of the appeal of porn with regard to masturbation is that it is easy and highly accessable. Can I masturbate without it? Sure. The thing is that it takes longer. At least for me. If I just want to make it fast, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ha! Just because they happen doesn't mean they need to be accepted. I see people who don't pay their taxes every day. Death is hard to cheat though.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 6 October 2010: Nobody ever has to accept anything they don't want to. I do believe that a lot of people believe that someone may have to accept something but the truth is that it is your right as an individual to make your own choices as to what you'll accept or ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 5 October 2010: I'm still reading it. :-)
I think that's because of the fact that it's viewed as "taboo." These are conversations that need to take place in a relationship. It makes the relationship stronger if both parties lay out their expectations for each... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 30 September 2010: I think you're right person12345, there is a bit of the ostrich syndrome going on here. I have some thoughts on this question though: "If she's already insecure and that makes it worse, why wouldn't he want to make her feel better?"
This is a sli... (read in full...)
Boyfriend expects me to have sex with him he's 14 I'm 15!
Q. Im 15 years old,and im having problems with my boyfriend last night he asked me what my bases are and i told him and now he wants to have sex with me! he is a year younger than me too! I love him and i dont want to break up with him cause that will ...
A. 30 September 2010: Follow my cardnal rule. Never do anything you aren't comfortable doing. If he walks away, then he's not worth it. A good guy would not be putting so much pressure on you.
It's natural to have crazy hormones at your age. It's natural to be se... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't like me sharing dorm with a guy, its starting fights
Q. basically i'm at uni and i've moved back into my flat. last year it had all girls but this year there is one boy moving in. so there are 4 girls to 1 boy. anyway my boyfriend hates the idea of me sharing a flat with any boys, so when i heard it...
A. 30 September 2010: Glad to help out! Best of luck to you.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't like me sharing dorm with a guy, its starting fights
Q. basically i'm at uni and i've moved back into my flat. last year it had all girls but this year there is one boy moving in. so there are 4 girls to 1 boy. anyway my boyfriend hates the idea of me sharing a flat with any boys, so when i heard it...
A. 30 September 2010: I question if it's worth the effort. Here's my simplistic summation of your situation.
You are coming at your relationship from an adult perspective. He is coming at your relationship from a childish/teenage perspective.
You're mature... (read in full...)
What do men hate?
Q. What is the main thing that makes a man hate or dislike a woman? Men only please!...
A. 30 September 2010: If that's what you took away from this, then you learned nothing.... (read in full...)
What do you think? Are we girlfriend and boyfriend?
Q. ok so ive been getting to know this guy for a few months now.. we've been chatting everyday for hours in a month...phone calls and text messaging.. when i saw him..we kissed alot..i gave him a massage (he loved it) and he said he loved been a...
A. 29 September 2010: I think you're jumping the gun. Just enjoy his company for now. Why the need to define things just yet? Go out together a few more times, then it may be time to have the "are we BF/GF" talk.
Don't ask him if he is just looking for sex. Even if... (read in full...)
What do men hate?
Q. What is the main thing that makes a man hate or dislike a woman? Men only please!...
A. 29 September 2010: Ha, more proof that there is no one answer.
Also proof that everyone is different because I actually like some of the stuff that these other guys hate. For example, I could care less if a woman shaves her legs. Then again, I used to be a bit... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't like me sharing dorm with a guy, its starting fights
Q. basically i'm at uni and i've moved back into my flat. last year it had all girls but this year there is one boy moving in. so there are 4 girls to 1 boy. anyway my boyfriend hates the idea of me sharing a flat with any boys, so when i heard it...
A. 29 September 2010: You need to stress that if he trusts you, this shouldn't be an issue at all. If he doesn't trust you, then why is he with you to begin with?
You're exactly right about this guy. He may have a GF, he may be gay, and even if he's single, it's not... (read in full...)
Should I tell my parents about my secret boyfriend
Q. okay i am going to uni next week and i have been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years my paretns don't know i havent told them because there is a 9 year age gap i am 18 he is almost 28 we are in love but iam wondering if i shold decide to tell my ...
A. 29 September 2010: He was your teacher huh? Yup, your parents won't understand and will likely not like this guy very much. He should have known better.
Not good at all.
Your best bet is still to tell them. Lying to them only prolongs the problem. You sa... (read in full...)
My mother's promiscuity is influencing my life and my sisters' lives!
Q. I live with my mother and younger sisters who are sixteen and fourteen. My parents divorced when we were young but I am the only one who remembers a time where dad lived with us. My mom is truly promiscious that it borderlines prostitution. Sh...
A. 29 September 2010: Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. You have to focus on your own life. You aren't your sisters' mom. You can't change your mom's actions. If she cared about what you thought, she wouldnt' be doing the things she does in the first place. ... (read in full...)
I know she still loves me but she won't say it!
Q. hello, i am 25 and split with my girlfriend 4 weeks ago, we where together for 3 years and its really broken my heart when we ended, the reason we finished was because her mum passed away and a week later she ended our relationship, she said she ...
A. 29 September 2010: She needs space. She's dealing with her grief in her own way and you need to respect that. You know the old saying, if you love something set it free... That's what you need to do. It will suck, but give her time. Forcing her to deal with your ... (read in full...)
I am not sure how to tell my parents about my 10 years older than me boyfriend
Q. Okay this is going to sound odd at first but im 19 and my bf is 29. I will be 20 next month. He just turned 29. I am not one for age if its reasonable like this....but how am I suppose to tell my parents? I dont want them to judge me or him....
A. 29 September 2010: Just tell them. As long as you started dating after you turned 18, I don't see a problem.
I'll give you this warning though. A 29 year old guy is in a completely different place in his life then you are. No matter how mature he may tell you... (read in full...)
I need my ex to tell me its ok for me to date others
Q. me and my boyfriend have recently split up,i need him to put his hand on his heart and tell me this is what he really wants and for me to go date other guys,this is so if we ever consider getting together again he wont or cant say that we was on a ...
A. 29 September 2010: This is ridiculous, and if I was him I'd tell you to F*** off.
You broke up. Move on. You don't need his approval to date, just like he doesn't need yours.
Live your own life.... (read in full...)
I told my online boyfriend's wife about us but he came back to me anyways!
Q. I had an online affair for almost 5 yrs with a 69 yrs old married man. We did not meet personally but had a huge fight for he plays with women in net and flirt and he had a gf where he met personally here in the Philippines. A year ago we had ...
A. 29 September 2010: This is going to sound mean, but there is a sucker born every minute.
This guy isn't what he seems. You don't have a relationship. What you have is some email communications that you don't even know the validity of. He's back chatting with you... (read in full...)
What do men hate?
Q. What is the main thing that makes a man hate or dislike a woman? Men only please!...
A. 29 September 2010: There is no "Main thing." Each person and situation is different. What one person hates about you, another may embrace.... (read in full...)
I want to have sex but my heart starts beating so fast I feel like I'm going to die!
Q. I think I have problem and I always been shy to talk about it but I can’t keep it inside me anymore I need help... I am 23 years old and I really want to have baby so badly but the big problem is I can’t have sex I am virgin. I have been trying...
A. 29 September 2010: I think you need to sit your fiance down and tell him that you want him to do it no matter what. Once you start, it will likely ease the anticipatory fear. Lay back, close your eyes and have him do it.
Another idea. Do some naked making o... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a married woman with an abusive husband!
Q. i am an 18 year old high school student who works as a mechanic i live with my aunt and uncle and i was hired to fix my neighbors car after she drove it into a ditch in an accident and we started bonding while i fixed the engine and after it was ...
A. 29 September 2010: The only person who can help her is her. If you hear loud arguing and such, you can call the police about a domestic dispute. That's about the extent of what you can do.
Also, I know that you're in love, but be wary of this woman. She is c... (read in full...)
Is it okay to pull away from the person you think loves you to test them?
Q. I never thought I would consider “testing” my boyfriend, but here I am dealing with some doubts that are driving me to seek action. My first boyfriend of over 1.5 years is by all initial impressions a great guy. We share the same values, respect ...
A. 29 September 2010: Well, I don't think that "testing love" is ever a good idea. It usually drives someone you care about away. People come up with some insane stuff too. Tricking people into having an affair comes to mind. However, what you're describing is a ... (read in full...)
My lovelife doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Why?
Q. Hi everyone =)... Just feeling a little lonely, aaaaand my lovelife hasn't particularly gone anywhere for a while... and I mean a loooong time. I've only had 2 girlfriends, one I had three years ago for two years (she never wanted physical co...
A. 29 September 2010: I feel ya bud. I've been single for a little over a year myself.
Ok, you've got friends. Can any of them set you up with someone? I know blind dates can suck, but sometimes they work out. Since you're in uni, you've got opportun... (read in full...)
I'm 15, think I'm pregnant but don't think I could abort a baby!
Q. i am 15, and i think i am pregnant. i am goin to do a test tomorrow, i am scared in case i am cause i still have my whole life ahead of me, but i dnt think i could abort the baby, i cant talk to anyone about it, plz help me?...
A. 29 September 2010: I think you need to calm down until you know for sure. Once you've taken the test, you will have a better idea about what you're facing. You'll have two possible outcomes. I hope that even if it is negative, you'll seriously consider how scared ... (read in full...)
I can't keep playing off these 2 guys!
Q. I Have a boyfriend who i have been with for 18 months , and he has been there for me through hard times. My family do like him. However as im only 17 , we went on a break because i really needed space , i didnt want to be tied down to just one boy....
A. 29 September 2010: I think you should break it off with your BF. You're already looking elsewhere. It is really only proper to do that after you've broken things off. Being "on a break" is supposed to be a time for each of you to reflect on your relationship and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't like me sharing dorm with a guy, its starting fights
Q. basically i'm at uni and i've moved back into my flat. last year it had all girls but this year there is one boy moving in. so there are 4 girls to 1 boy. anyway my boyfriend hates the idea of me sharing a flat with any boys, so when i heard it...
A. 29 September 2010: You hit the nail on the head. He has trust issues. He has no right to freak out about this. I actually feel pretty bad for that one guy who will be your roommate. He's in for both a treat and a situation he's likely unready for unless he grew up ... (read in full...)
Breakup Pain
Q. I'm sixteen and have just started college. Three weeks ago my boyfriend of two and a half years finished with me. He said he didn't love me any more and started fancying other girls. Up until that point he'd acted normally to me, sex, I love you's, ...
A. 29 September 2010: Should you make an effort to be friends?
No. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be polite, but you shouldn't pursue a friendship. You'll just end up prolonging your hurting.
Will being friends just hurt more?
Yup. There may come a point w... (read in full...)
Every time I try to get close to him he pushes me away
Q. my boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for 3 years.. We had a baby boy together who is now a year old. I have gained some weight due to pregnancy and I'm fighting to get it off. When I was about 6 months pregnant, he said he didn't want to ...
A. 29 September 2010: I wouldn't stand for what you're describing. It is time to walk away. Neither of you are happy and that will just get worse with time. If he were willing to try and work things out, that would be one thing, but it doesn't sound like that's the ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my parents about my secret boyfriend
Q. okay i am going to uni next week and i have been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years my paretns don't know i havent told them because there is a 9 year age gap i am 18 he is almost 28 we are in love but iam wondering if i shold decide to tell my ...
A. 29 September 2010: I think that your parents will be more hurt by the 2.5 year secret then the fact you've been dating an older man. That age gap is a little bigger than the norm, but nothing that is out of hand. After all, you're over the legal age of conscent, so ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend expects me to have sex with him he's 14 I'm 15!
Q. Im 15 years old,and im having problems with my boyfriend last night he asked me what my bases are and i told him and now he wants to have sex with me! he is a year younger than me too! I love him and i dont want to break up with him cause that will ...
A. 29 September 2010: If you don't want to have sex, then DON'T have sex. I actually suggest you not have sex regardless due to your age.
If he breaks up with you because you won't have sex with him, he was nothing but a jerk who was trying to use you and you're b... (read in full...)
B/f angry at me no matter what I do!
Q. I am getting really confused! My boyfriend is going through an angry patch and everything I do and everything I say ends up making him agitated with me! I do not know what I am doing wrong!! and to my knowledge I have been nothing but supporti...
A. 29 September 2010: It might be time to take a step back and give him a little space. Whatever is causing this he will need to work it out. I would suggest telling him why you're backing off though.
Something like, "It seems like you're always mad at me for some... (read in full...)
My dad had an affair and now I hate him!
Q. my dad cheated on my mum and they separated. now hes still with the girl but i hate her. i only met her once and i didnt know they were going out then. now he keeps trying to get my 10 year old sister to go out with them all because he knows shes ...
A. 29 September 2010: Parents aren't meant to let you do whatever you want. They aren't your friends and have to set rules.
I think you need to speak to a councelor about this. You're at an age where you're pushing for your independence. You also have lots of issue... (read in full...)
Is this going in the direction I'm hoping it is?
Q. Engaging guy I met online. I made the first move and he responded. The emails within the online dating website have been consistent. One morning he emailed me providing me with his work email address which shows his full name, and he wrote feel free ...
A. 29 September 2010: Give him a call. I think he may be looking to test how interested you are too. One way of doing that is waiting to see if you'll initiate a call.
I think there is a mutual interest here. Give him a call. I think you've got the start of somet... (read in full...)
I'm not his mom! How can I get him to see that?
Q. How can I make my boyfriend realise that his mum is trying to paint me as her, because my boyfriend has never loved before till he met me, didn't want to move from the area he lived before, didn't want to share a house. Now he is, and she can see he ...
A. 29 September 2010: His mom has likely been the only real female relationship he has had in his life. I'm speculating, but I'm guessing he's a momma's boy. Since that's likely the case, you having a lot in common with her isn't a bad thing in his eyes. He also has ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 29 September 2010: OK Friends, we're opened back up. I just wanted to post a reminder to everyone to keep it civil. I haven't seen anything like that in a while, but it's still worthy of a reminder.
So, without further delay, please let the conversation continue... (read in full...)
How do I show my boyfriend I wasnt lying about being true to him while he was away?
Q. how do i show my boyfriend i wasnt lying about being true to him while he was away. someone mistakenly called my bf by a different name. thinkin it was one of my friends. (they kinda look alike). this friend had once visted me on campus and ...
A. 29 September 2010: There is little you can do to change someone's mind once they've made it up.
You have to explain what happened being 100% truthful. If he won't listen, that's his problem.
Still, someone else calling him by the wrong name is very shakey grou... (read in full...)
Is he making a fool out of me or is he telling the truth?
Q. okay my boyfriend cheated on me before and he was acting all funny, so i checked his phone records and saw this number all the time coming up, so i rang it and a girl answered, so instead of saying it to him i checked his record so i dumped him. we ...
A. 29 September 2010: I think you have very little proof that he was up to no good. Just because he calls a number and a girl answers doesn't mean he was cheating with that girl. For all you know it was a land line to a friends house and that friend has a little sister ... (read in full...)
Stuck between my boyfriend and my best friend!
Q. Guys I am feeling horrible at the moment. I just talk bad about my good friend. Ok maybe I should let you guys know a bit of what happen before seeking for your advice. About one month ago, my boyfriend and my good friend (A) and me plus another ...
A. 29 September 2010: Good choice. Make sure your BF knows you are continuing to try so he can kind of drop it for now. No need for him to keep pushing you if he doesn't have to. Playing bill collector will put enough strain on your friendship with A as is, no need to ... (read in full...)
Confused about why fiance needs to go OUT without me!
Q. hi everyone me and my partner are engaged and have been together for almost two years. we do have lots of fun together and our sex life is usually pretty good. the problem starts when he declares he wants to go out drinking and to the clubs in the...
A. 29 September 2010: I'm sorry to say it, but based on your follow up, that's a really bad sign. He is almost certainly up to something he shouldn't be.... (read in full...)
Has my lover replaced me for someone else?
Q. I have been married for 7 years. Not in love any more! I have recently being seeing a married man for 3 months, neither one of us plan on leaving our spouses for the other. Even though I am trying to figure out how to get out of my marriage. My ...
A. 28 September 2010: LMAO. So, you're trying to figure out a way out of your marriage huh? Well, I've got a great idea. Tell him you're having an affair. First, because it's the truth, and second because he diserves to know that truth.
Now you're concerne... (read in full...)
An old flame and I hooked up again after 7 years but I'm married now... what to do?
Q. About 7 years ago I was dating a guy and we lost touch and now I am married. But just recently we hooked back up. Should I just forget about him or keep in touch with him? ...
A. 28 September 2010: Hooked back up how? Started communicating again? Got physical?
If it's just communication, it should be fine as long as you aren't tempted to cheat on your husband. If you think this will lead to that temptation, you might want to bag any comm... (read in full...)
Should I send him the gifts after his cold response?
Q. This guy I like is in Afghanistan and he's coming home for Xmas. I asked him if I could send him a box with things before he comes home. By his reply that it was a cold one, I decided not to, but I told him I would anyway. Read the conversation: ...
A. 28 September 2010: Ok, why is he in Afganistan? Is he deployed with the military? If he is, then you can't expect him to be all lovey dovey. He's in combat. I'm sure he'll appreciate anything you send. You need to cut him some slack. Imagine fighting for your ... (read in full...)
He has to choose... the parents, or me!!!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years, and we really love each other, but his parents have suddenly decided i'm not welcome at their house anymore and they really hate me. I thought all along that they didn't like me cos they think i'm ...
A. 28 September 2010: When people force this kind of decision, they usually end up driving the person away from them. I know that whenever I've been forced to make the "them or me" decision, I go with the person not forcing the choice. It would be much more difficult ... (read in full...)
Embarrassed by my older boyfriend!
Q. I've been seeing a guy who is 16 years older than me for over a year, but I feel really ashamed. I dont want him to meet any of my family because I'm embarrassed of him, and the few people we have told are wondering why I am with him. It's making me ...
A. 28 September 2010: You need to take some time and figure out why you're with him. If you can't find a reason, then you need to end it. It's time for some soul searching. I'd suggest a weekend getaway somewhere that you can be away from everyone and everything and ... (read in full...)
Signs that he's interested???
Q. If i start talking to a guy how do i know if hes interested or not what are some signs i can look for? keep in mind he might be working so idk if it will be different. and how can i start a convo i dont really know him that well. thanks!...
A. 28 September 2010: Watch for eye contact. Watch to see if he mirrors your body language. What I mean by that is, if you cross your arms, does he cross his. If you lean against a wall, does he do the same. These are ways to judge some subconscious attraction. If ... (read in full...)
Confused about why fiance needs to go OUT without me!
Q. hi everyone me and my partner are engaged and have been together for almost two years. we do have lots of fun together and our sex life is usually pretty good. the problem starts when he declares he wants to go out drinking and to the clubs in the...
A. 28 September 2010: He wants his alone time. That's healthy in any relationship however it appears to be getting to the unhealthy side here. Do you ever go out on dates? Does he take you out anywhere else?
I don't want to speculate too much, but his behavior... (read in full...)
Stuck between my boyfriend and my best friend!
Q. Guys I am feeling horrible at the moment. I just talk bad about my good friend. Ok maybe I should let you guys know a bit of what happen before seeking for your advice. About one month ago, my boyfriend and my good friend (A) and me plus another ...
A. 28 September 2010: Yup, situations like this suck bad. My best friend is like that too. He'll accept an invitation and promise to pay and then never do it. He's racked up thousands in IOU's to friends over the years. I love him like a brother but I will NEVER take ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Katy, I didn't realize you were the anon poster. However, I never said you don't belong here, just the negativity you were expressing.
I was pushing for contributions, not attacks. Please do contribute. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Anon poster, where your argument about men fails is your statement about their actions. Actions and thoughts are two very different things. Just because we may fantasize about something, that doesn't mean we will, or even we want to in reality, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "Why is it you don't talk about 'masturbation addicts'"
LOL Mia, a masturbation addict will eventually be unable to even view porn since they'll go blind and have super hairy palms.
Don't you love those old wive's tales?
I also have pro... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "As for Dirtball's theory about masturbation is dirty, I think porn would actually lessen especially in how degrading it is if masturbation wasn't thought of as hidden and dirty."
I agree. When we're hiding something already, it becomes easier t... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 25 August 2010: "But lying as a teen to your mum is surely different to lying to your partner?"
It is and it isn't. Your point is valid and the way things should work ideally. The thing is that learned behavior is difficult to change. An example. I live alo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 24 August 2010: Why is this "ok" to lie about?
It really isn't. You are right that a relationship built around lies doesn't have a real foundation. Now, what I'm about to type, is the justification.
It's not that it's ok to lie about it, it's that men ha... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: Be careful when you say such things, especially if the pig is around. He tends to get very funny ideas when you say "woman, naked, ogle"
Ha, Q isn't the only one who gets crazy thoughts in his head when he hears (or reads) those words. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: If I had a gf who would take sexy pics of herself or star in a video with me, you better believe I'd watch that above anything else in my collection. The problem is that, like with just about anything, the same thing can get boring if repeated ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: "sorry to drag it back, but im still at a loss as to what to say to women who post on here who cannot accept their partners porn use, but love him and do not wish to leave the rship. If he wont stop (even if he only does it sometimes) what should ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: I should add, thank you for identifying yourself!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Sorry person 12345... I was writing my response at the same time.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Anon, she says you're hiding because you haven't signed up and given us a user name to call you.
As for the prevalence in today's society... I blame "girls gone wild." My mom had an argument with one of my brother's girlfriends once because ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: I'm going to step out of the porn discussion for a second and address the Neuroscience issue (as this was one of my primary collegiate areas of study).
What you see activating in the brain of an addict during a scan is their dopamine centers.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: My point is that "normal, mainstream porn" can be all the things I listed. It's all out there for anyone with internet access. Even in your "expert" opinion you have to see you're over generalizing. Also, just because something is out there, it ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm with Tisha. There is every kind of porn out there under the sun.
You've got the ones where they are actors with lines and are playing out a scenario. Heck, I just saw a XXX parody of "That 70's Show." It was hardly degrading. It was funn... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: Wow, this thread really exploded didn't it.
First. To LucyLoos. I was the responder who discussed my sex drive. I find it admirable that you've been able to enhance yours to meet your husband's needs. That's excellent. My first choice i... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 19 August 2010: "I love the man i met, i dont have any need or want to change him. I may not love the man he became if he tried."
Of your whole post (which I agree could really have used paragraphs) this is the sentence that summed up my stance on this topic. ... (read in full...)
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