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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just want to know something, why do you guys answer to these people? what do you plan to get out of it? do you think "God" will reimburse you for your efforts and "love"? do you feel better by helping others you don't know? I really don't see any point of this...things happen for a reason and if people do not know this reason then tough! that's life. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): I am sixteen years old and I like helping people with upsets and problems. One time in a shop an old woman dropped a few things and couldn't bend down to get them, so I did it and it felt...really cool. I don't know why, but I've been helping people all the time now...you say you think there isn't a point to it, and I ask you: what is the point to anything if we do not learn from and help our fellow men?
You say you believe things happen for a reason and that if you don't know the reason then tough? Well how about this: I wrote an answer to you're question because you didn't know or understand the REASON to why we answer these dearcupid questions...do you see what I mean?
I don't know...this is a relationship site - are you wounded in some way? Do you question all that humanity is? Curiosity - endless curiosity! Asking questions and getting answers is the ONLY WAY TO LEARN.
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reader, TimmD  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 I'm not religious in the least. I do this because I WANT to.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 October 2010):
 I do it because I like it. Yes, helping peole DOES feel good. Perhaps in a slightly narcissistic , self complacent way if you wish. And why not. We all are only human , and flawed.
I am a normal woman - I am not rich or powerful or important , I don't get to talk to Obama about the oil spills or to the Pope about letting women be priests- there is not much I can do to make a difference in people's lives. And that teensy weensy little something I MAYBE can do when my words touch somebody's heart or mind- it feels very powerful,joyful ,regenerating.
Yes,call me a fool, but I am very glad to know that what I said helped some woman maybe in New Zealand or Argentina to find the courage for leaving a violent,abusive partner, - or for refusing an unwanted abortion in which she is being pressured.
Anyway the main reason why I do this is... I guess because I am a human being and that's what human beings do, ya know. Helping each other cope and deal with shit that happens and try to make sense of this complex , challenging, at times scary world in which we live.
I bet you do it too all the time, with your relatives or close friends. We just stretched a bit the concept of "friends" to make it more inclusive.
As for rewards from God, I don't expect any. IF God exists, he has already richly rewarded me by allowing me to be alive and able to breathe, think, love , and be here right now typing these words.
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reader, yaytentacles +, writes (13 October 2010):
 I don't believe in god. I just believe in alleviating people's problems.
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reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (13 October 2010):
 I stumbled upon this site myself when i wanted advice on something. I posted the question and didnt even expect an answer, but i got lots of them They actually helped me.Now i try to do my bit by helping others who need some advice.We dont do it to gain brownie points, to please God or even to please others. We do it because its a humanitarian thing to do. You said..."things happen for a reason and if people do not know this reason then tough! that's life.". Well you know what, there's people like you AND there's people like us.We care about making a difference. Sometimes its difficult for a person to confide in friends or family, but its a lot easier to confide in strangers...because they are non-judgmental. I dont judge a 15 year old girl in the US for getting pregnant or a 50 yr old housewife in the UK for crying because her husband left her for a younger woman. I can just tell them what I think is right.There are times when one's judgment and thinking is clouded because of the circumstances and situations one is in. By helping them see it, we do just that..HELP.All over the world people crave and long for the same things...everlasting love and companionship. When we help people, we hope we can make a difference to their lives in some little way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): Do you have any idea how easy it is to ask a complete stranger a question?I mean Dearcupid has been here for years now.And even ive been helped.
There are so many people here who have been through a lot or knows a lot about stuff and we just like to help.We hope the best for those in search of help or answers.Some are lost and confused and just cant talk to others who are really there for them, so we'll be there.
It makes me happy and peachy knowing ive been able to answer a quesion.I care for these people, sure i dont know them but anyone who can take time out of their day to help a friend in thier time of need, to me its special. Im 15, i dont know much, but hey im still here doing what i can. Ive read so many and seen i cant assist, but others can and so can you. So why...Why dont you? Wouldnt you answer these as we are answering you?
Ive been here since the end of June or July 08. Gone through 4 accounts plus this one.Dont ask me why, i couldnt answer or ask a question so i deleted and remade.Anyays, Ive seen people critisize,lecture,baby, seen loving words you cant help but be greatful.
These people here are like a whole nother family for me.Granted i duno a thing about them, but they sure as hell are fucking great to be here.
So why do ask?I say, why the hell not.
xoxo Haha your turn answer us a question.Why not?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): Why not?
Does it feel good? Most of the time no, most people do their own thing anyway and don't listen to advice, but the times when our advice helps then it's a yes, it feels good.
Personally I'm doing this for more selfish reasons.
The more I post here the more I see whether my own views are the correct ones, the best course of action in a given situation. Basically to improve my own knowledge and make my own life easier, help me diagnose issues quickly and effectively and resolve them efficiently, which it has.
Do I care if some 40 year old woman in the US decides to leave her abusive boyfriend? Nope.
Do I care if an 18 year old guy from the UK learns the value of confidence in getting women? Nope.
Am I glad if they manage to overcome their problems? Yes, without a doubt (even if it wasn't my advice that helped them).
At the end of the day, no matter who you are, you will need help from someone else. If you don't have anyone you can talk to then it's places like these that will help.
I contribute because I get something in return, if I didn't then I wouldn't contribute. As much as I respect other people and wish them good lives, I'm not that selfless. I only get one life, things and people that are useful to me or improve my life in some way will get my full appreciation and contribution in return. Those that don't won't get any of my time.
"Things happen for a reason" Yeah and that reason can be something of you're choosing, it can be something you can manipulate or change as long as you know and understand that reason. Good for you that you can dismiss everything as having "a reason" I hope that serves you well in your life.
Personally I prefer to better my life, make it more fun, make myself stronger, smarter, fitter and above all happier, through better understanding how the world works. But sure ignorance is bliss as they say.
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reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 October 2010):
 Let's see I like helping people, it goes a little past holding the door open for people. People on here often need an opinion when they've already polled out of their friends last resort is to ask some strangers and compare results then go with the majority vote. Some of us ourselves have stumbled upon this site needing a piece of advice ourselves and since then have become addicted to answering some difficult questions. Others on here are qualified psychologists, social workers, etc. so for those asker's that don't have medical insurance here's a free answer from a qualified therapist. However, most of us aren't therapists and if you have taken the time to look at this site, you will see that most of these questions one of us has been there and solved that problem.
So no this isn't my ticket to heaven, God doesn't keep tally marks of mankind's good deeds. More or less this is a hobby.
True, everything happens for a reason..we only control a fraction of our life, one small decision that we think is insignificant can be life changing down the road. But life is what we make it, and no one is a master of life..so what better way that if you don't know an answer to a problem is to ask!!
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reader, Battista +, writes (13 October 2010):
I'm sure all of us have had bad patches in life which we'd rather not go through again. If people ask for advice for a situation which I've been through, I like to think that maybe someone else can perhaps benefit from my experiences. Also, we can all appreciate the need for someone to ask where sensitive issues are at hand which you might not want to share with people you know. Offering an anonymous reply can be a real help to someone in that position.
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reader, almc  +, writes (13 October 2010):
Because we know something that they don't know so why woiuldnt we help someone. Everyone needs a hand. I asked for help so I gave my help back. I like doing it. Being able to help someone out :)
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reader, AuntieSnap +, writes (13 October 2010):
If you don't see the point of this then why on earth are you on this site? Superiority complex? or just a Billy no mates? Welcome to the body of the kirk.
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reader, dirtball +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Plain and simple. It's fun for me. I don't believe in God, so I'm not holding my breath there. The occasional thanks is more than enough.
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reader, Natalie:) +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Not familiar with the concept of altruism?
But it's not just that, it's one hell of a learning curve.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): Sometimes people dont have anybody to turn to. Sometimes young people need guidance from an older person and they have nobody to ask for help at home or nobody that they feel they can ask. Would you begrudge somebody peace of mind when a wiser person can help put their mind at ease and their thoughts strait? I wudnt. I dont get anything from it and im not seeking aproval from god. I just wish that I had found this site when i was younger and needed help myself. So now that Im older and wiser I wanted to help others. I chose to do it in this way
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): Tisha = 5 stars!
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reader, Plexi +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Some of us help others not because we think we'll get something out of it but because it's human nature to want to help others in need and share and maybe they may learn from our experiences and mistakes and not go down the same road we went. You know that if you stick your finger in the fire you will get burned so if you happen to see someone who is thinking of doing that, would you not try to prevent their pain?
Please let us know if we can help you out with anything you may be going through that is causing you pain or confusion
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reader, FluffyPie +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Because I know that, whenever i'll have a problem, they (members from this site) will read my post and try to give advice and help. So you could say it's simply MUTUAL. What's in it for me? Good question. I don't expect to go to Heaven or anything, but by trying to find explanations for certain situations of random posters, I actually help myself. All this "brainstorm" makes me think and say things I've never thought I will. It's like there are new "lands" I have yet to discover. It's like when you have a revelation: somebody's telling you about some issue, you start to find reasons, and you go "Damn, why didn't I think of it before". And you know it was burried all this time deep down in your mind, but you didn't explore it enough, and even if it's not the best advice or opinion the one you give, you still feel proud of yourself for taking another step towards self-knowledge. The more detailed you think, the more amazed you are. It's a great feeling.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 October 2010):
 -I just want to know something, why do you guys answer to these people?
Because people talking to other people and figuring things out is what gets things done in this world.
-what do you plan to get out of it?
I get satisfaction that I might be helpful to others. I wouldn't mind renumeration but then if I wanted that I need to go get counseling credentials. Maybe I should!
-do you think "God" will reimburse you for your efforts and "love"?
No.
-do you feel better by helping others you don't know?
Yes.
-I really don't see any point of this...things happen for a reason and if people do not know this reason then tough! that's life.
Well, it's been nice speaking to you. So long and enjoy your life! Bye bye!
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reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (12 October 2010):
 aah...there's something rewarding about trying to help other people. No, I don't really think we are earning stars for our Crowns, or brownie points from the Throne...however there is something called the Golden Rule.
If you have never needed a hand, then I'm really happy for you. I, on the other hand have.
At 22-25, you probably have life by the tail, but at 44, I realize more than ever my need of other views, and helping hands, sometime just an ear, or a shoulder to lean on. There is comfort in someone listening and trying to help...at least for me there is. Because I have experienced that help, it makes me want to give something back in return.
And of course there are those of us, that genuinely like people. Who hate to see people hurting and are willing to give of our time and energy to alleviate their suffering as much as we can.
A burden shared is a burden lightened in most cases. And I like to think that someone's burden is lightened because of me every once in a while. It's called giving back.
If you haven't experienced doing something for someone else, expecting nothing in return...then I truly feel sorry for you. It's not about money, or fame, or popularity. It's about selflessness and humanity.
I wish you a great life, and hopefully you will never need to come on here and ask a question. But if life is not so kind, and you need us, we are here. :)
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reader, andrea_c +, writes (12 October 2010):
 welllll if i asked a random question on this website to get unbiased feedback, i'd only assume there's other people on this website doing the same. if everyone only asked questions and never answered any, dearcupid.org would be pointless, now wouldn't it???
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 October 2010):
You'd prefer it if no one helped anyone and we all just sat there with problems? I can tell you're one of my fellow British citizens! We're the only truly cynical country in the world!
People need help. That's the only reason I'm here. I don't want get anything for this at all. I just do it because I want to. Don't care about God wanting to reimburse me. If he's up there, he's switched the phone off and won't care anyway.
And yes, I do feel better for helping others.
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reader, happy24birthday +, writes (12 October 2010):
 I hope to make someone's life better or easier by providing words of wisdom, encouragement, and support to people who need it and are facing obstacles I've faced. Often by the time someone is posting a question on this site they have exhausted their friends, family, co-workers, and selves in trying to make sense of something chaotic. Thinking that things happen for a reason doesn't make the trouble go away. My own dumb mistakes and lustful desires are the reasons most things happen to me that would make me come to this site for help and advice. People need help figuring out other complex people and relationships, situations. We help because there's a need for our help, we like to help, and we hope we DO help make someone's current turmoil a little easier to manage.
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reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 some people do need others opinions to help them reach a decision.lots of people have problems and they cant talk to people close to them.its good askn people for help now and them.oh and good for you that you dont see this site useful to some of us and that you dont need any help from people.why are you here by the way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): I found this site after going through a life crisis...and having nobody that I could personally turn to and trust.
Yeah, I had counseling, but it helps to have the perspective of others as well. In my case I could afford counseling, but what about those who can't?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): Why do you ask? Most importantly, why do you read the questions? I find them interesting and I answer the ones that I have some information on that could help that person....because it sucks being confused or hurt or sometimes we just need some advice and it's a hell of a lot cheaper than pyschiatrist!
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reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (12 October 2010):
 You would be surprised how many people have been through things that someone is experiencing there and then. They say 'a problem shared, is a problem halved' and there are more than enough people on here that give some excellent insight and advice.
I don't think it's about seeking approval in the eyes of the lord, we answer these questions because we as humans are programmed from a very young age to care for others and be there if needs be.
Let me tell you, I have had some great advice on here, even though everyone is a complete stranger. It's not about throwing your 'two cents' in, but being logical and rational when someone is in need and thy struggle to be logical and rational due to emotions running high...
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reader, C. Grant +, writes (12 October 2010):
 You've never needed a helping hand, eh? You're lucky. Some people do, and once in a while folks answering questions here do make a difference. I rather doubt that God is planning to reimburse me. But if it does help my karma, so be it.
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reader, cheannryl  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Hell yeah,it made me feel better.sharing ideas,and it's good for growth dear
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): Because it's the humanitarian thing to do to help those in need. Read Steinbeck's philosophies on teleological vs. non-teleological thinking to see the differences in "blame" approaches vs. compassion approaches to humanity and maybe you'll understand.
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