A
female
age
30-35,
*avaJade22
writes:Hello All,I hate to ask others opinions on things because usually I can take care of things on my own....but lately it seems nobody is taking my side on things and I'm just curious as to what others think. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years now, I love his family and his friends (I'm so close with them I call his parents mom and dad and his grandparents grandma and grandpa) Theres just one problem....his brother's fiancé.(we'll call him Bob and her Jane) Their relationship has been on the rocks for little over a year now and all this drama is driving me wild. And of course, I get caught in the middle. Now, Bob and I have become close (to the point where I'd consider him a brother-like-figure) so he'll vent to me after every fight....which is every weekend (I am not over-dramatizing, believe me I wish I was) He'll tell me how much he doesn't want to be in a relationship, how he's "so done with the bs.." etc. When I'm at college, sometimes we'll text back and forth about how things are going at home, how the family pets are...etc, nothing bad. Well, Jane isn't to happy about that. She thinks it's weird and she says all the wrong things about me thinking it won't get back to me....and it always does. Usually in the past, I become the bigger person and keep the peace....but this time was the last straw. I talked to my boyfriend's parents about it and they think she's absolutely immature and insecure etc....but they want me to be the bigger person (again) and smooth it over. But, my argument is that its not my problem to begin with, so why should I be the one to fix it? This whole thing probably sounds really stupid and petty, but I'm so fed up with this girl, I really don't think its even worth it. What do you all think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 October 2010):
 Just think, with all the skills you've learned here you could have a promising career in politics! :)
Good luck staying out of future problems!
A
female
reader, JavaJade22 +, writes (13 October 2010):
JavaJade22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Alright, thanks for the feedback! I'll put on my fake smile once again and smooth this thing over.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 October 2010):
I think that you should take the high road again and smooth it over. Then, after things are settled this time, tell them that you don't want to be involved anymore. This has become too stressful and you don't feel right being put in the middle. Then, don't let yourself be put in the middle again. Brother texts you, ignore it. Tell your BF to talk to him and tell him this needs to stop. He is putting you in a situation you shouldn't be in and it is unfair. You have enough to worry about with your relationship and school. It's great that your BF's family likes you and has accepted you as part of the family, but the truth is, you aren't really a part of the family yet. You don't need to be involved in all their drama.
The key is to be diplomatic. I'm sure your BF understands the spot you're in, and that it isn't fair to you. He needs to be your biggest ally here.
So, I think you should smooth it out one last time and then let them know you're done dealing with their shit (in the nicest possible way). To me, it sounds like everyone is on your side, and the surest way to keep them there is to smooth things over this last time and they'll definitely understand why you are then done. Good luck!
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