A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a committed relationship now. However, a few years before, I lost my virginity to a prostitute. I did so because I was feeling depressed, things were looking bleak, and thought I wouldn't be in a relationship. I don't have any desire to cheat, or visit one again. However, I wonder if I should disclose this to my significant other. Thanks for your time.
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depressed, lost my virginity, prostitute Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Unless you contracted an std or something and have to explain it, don't disclose it. I believe in honesty. But some things are best left out and disclosing it, well I can almost guarantee no good will come of it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): May be she believes you are a virgin. Virginity matters a lot in a committed relationship and the day you tell her she will leave you. Most probably she already knows that you are not a virgin , may be you discussed it with your friend in one of your chat and she saw that and may be it kills her everyday to live with a liar but she is with you because she still loves you. You have done a very big mistake you should have told her before in the beginning only. May be she deserved a better person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): I think you should tell her the first chance the convo allows it. You posted because you feel a little guilt and wonder if its right. I would be the same way. I think it will eat you up if you keep it from her. In my opinion its better to tell her early so she can handle it now and not like 4 years from now when you're engaged or something and it completely rocks her world / causes real trust issues because you hid stuff from her for so long.
That is all assuming she went into her sexual past with you. If she hasn't wait until she does then tell her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): knowing her would it be important to her that she know this about you? Would she have a major reaction when you told her? Is it relevant, in her mind? If you want to maintain honesty with your wife, then you would tell her about this, if it's something she would value knowing. Only you can decide, only you know your wife.
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A
female
reader, SweetindianGirl +, writes (12 October 2010):
uhm i dont mean to sound mean b ut you made sure you got tested right? because if your current committed relationship is with a girl who is a 1 man woman then i suggest u get tested thoroughly. she will find it 'disgusting' that you did that and pathetic. but if you are clean i suggest u dont bring it up, if you arent, you must.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Honestly, I wouldn't bring it up.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 October 2010):
 I think I agree with Person, especially since you're now in a committed relationship. It's not the right time if you're just starting dating, and it's too late when you're engaged and planning a life together. Now is a good time, because eventually, the question of how you lost your virginity will come up. What will you say then, and how will you feel about lying to her when that happens?
I think you should talk to her about it, and say that you want to do it because you want a completely honest relationship, and you'll get to explain why you did it and why it will never happen again. The bright side is that you didn't use some girl and then dump her just to lose your virginity, and you didn't sleep with a married person.
As a side note, you might want to be tested for STD's, as some are latent for years. After you do that and are clean, you can tell her as well that you were tested and are disease free, as many girls find prostitutes to be a very risky sexual activity.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 October 2010):
 I wouldn't bring it up until she asks, which she will eventually (since she'll want to know who you lost your virginity to). Poke around a little first to see what she thinks about men who visit prostitutes. I wouldn't lie, since if she finds out about it, the relationship might be doomed.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 I dont think you need to tell her unless there is a particular reason to tell her. If you are the type of person who wants it all out there, and she is too, then sure go ahead. But otherwise it is none of her business really, and will be as relevant as how many potatoes you ate for dinner. Basically: it is irrelevant for your relationship. That is, in the case that there are no obvious reasons for why you should tell her.
An example where you should tell her: she despises men who has met prostitutes. If she tells you this, then she will feel tricked if you don't inform her that you are "one of those" men. Do not lie to her if she asks you.
And don't be too fearful. What you did is what you did, and you had your reasons, and if she doens't have a particular negative opinion of it she should be able to accept your past and who you are, and also acknowledge that the past is the past.
In general women do not respect men who see prostitutes though. But it was one time. And you had your reasons. Womens negative voiw of this is in general based on assumptions. After a proper discussion she should come to terms with it. But be aware: women talk to their friends. Only tell her if you trust her 100%. So if you do want to share, perhaps wait until you are further into the relationship.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 October 2010):
 I tend to agree with baddogbj on this one, but I still believe in honesty in a relationship. Still, this kind of info is not the kind of thing that will bode well for your relationship. Let your past be the past and don't bring it up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): Has your SO asked about your past? If not, it may be better to let it be. Chances are, if she doesn't want to hear about your past, she REALLY won't want to hear about your past with a prostitute. On the other hand, if she's naturally curious about your past, and is the type to bond more from learning about your sexual past, you might want to bring it up. I strongly believe in disclosure and honesty in a committed relationship, even about the nasty bits. But not everyone does, so you need to feel her out first.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): That is a hard one. To be honest, she will either freak and hold it against you or she will not care and see it as your past. It's touchy, I say if your not going to use them again, do not tell her.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 No.
No good will come of it.
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