A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend for 4 months. We get into things pretty quickly. He's not a virgin and pretty forward about what's in his mind. He wanted sex but all that we do up till now was foreplay. No intercourse. I'm sure that he is going to be my first but I just want to slow things down. Recently, I've been thinking and notice that we get too intimate too fast. Whenever he would come over to hang out, a little later we would be fooling around. He doesn't force anything upon me but I guess curiosity just got the best of us. I've told him to wait a little longer and we should hold up on the 'foreplay'. He doesn't disagree with me but he did look a little bumped out. Am I hurting his feelings? A few nights before, something happened and he was really sad and troubled [to the edge that his eyes were teary and red]. We were using chat and webcam because it was late at night and I can't go out to see him. He didn't tell him what happened and I didn't pester on. He said he just wanted to see me. He went out with his friends earlier and had a little bit of alcohol in him. [maybe it's what makes him emotional?] I tried hard to make him laugh and feel better but it didn't really work out. He told me that I was the first girlfriend he ever have that let him be that expressive and opened about his emotion. I felt really touched because I know that he's a very quiet and stoic person. He only shows his manly side when he's with his guy friends or other people. But he's careless when he's with me. I stayed up late with him and a little later he asked me if I was really solid about holding off our 'foreplay' and sex having to wait a little longer. I said yes. And we talked a little more about it and how things was getting good. But I assured him that I want to let everything cool down and so, we dropped the subject. He went back to his emo self. I have a feeling that he will keep asking me for 'it' not technically sex. Is it insecure to feel that your boyfriend only wants sex and your body even though he say he loves you and cares for you, and you're his special one? And would guys fake crying and be emotional to get sex?
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (13 October 2010):
 Hard questions to answer because some guys will do literally anything to get sex. Anything. However, those guys usually don't stick it out for four months either. Just remember it is never a bad thing to take it slowly when it comes to sex. More regrets usually come when you rush so never do anything you don't feel ready for.
Are you hurting his feelings? No, he's horny and disappointed he isn't getting play. He may be feeling some rejection, but if he's a good guy he will realize that you aren't ready and if he wants to be with you he needs to wait.
The fact that he's open with his emotions around you is a good sign. It means that he trusts you. My gut tells me that he's not just using you for sex. Boys, especially those in your age group, are VERY horny. Sex is on his mind all day every day. This can lead you to feel like all he wants is your body when that probably isn't the case.
Trust your gut instincts. If he feels genuine, then he likely is. You should have a pretty good handle on that after four months. If you get an uneasy feeling, then maybe he's not being honest.
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