Like what
he writes?
... Add *irtball to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
_____________________________________________
Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
_____________________________________________
I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
____________________________________________
This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
____________________________________________
Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
____________________________________________
Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
|
| Latest articles: The Curse of Over Thought
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 March 2011: The curse of over thought. I think many of us suffer from this curse. Some people may call it a blessing, but I tend to consider it a mixed bag. On one hand it can help lead people to some tremendous insights, on the other it can lead them do...
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
This question has 40 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 February 2011: I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
Why did you even ask?
This question has 22 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 January 2011: What brought you to Dear Cupid? Most likely it's because of some problem in your life or relationship. That's how most of us stumbled upon this place. You came here hoping that these anon people on the internet could offer you some insight into ...
Tis the season...
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 December 2010: Hello Everyone. Here at Dear Cupid we receive many requests for help. Some are serious relationship problems, others aren't quite so serious. One such question is "What should I get my significant other for Christmas?" I intend to give you some ...
What ever happened to communication?
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 November 2010: Having been here for a while now, I see consistancy in many of the problems people who come here face. One major problem, although it isn't usually the one that brought them here, is communication. Communication is usually the underlying problem ...
Paralyzed by not knowing
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 October 2010: After reading a string of questions today I started really thinking about the topic of: "do they like me back?" It happens a lot. We develop a crush on someone. We think about them a lot. We read into every little thing they do or say. We ...
Thoughts on technology and long distance relationships
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 September 2010: It never fails to amaze me how many questions I see on here about long distance relationships (LDR's). I will admit, I understand the temptation. I've been there. I've tried it. I've concluded that they don't work. Still, what is it about these ...
|
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Having not checked back here in quite a while, I've got some thoughts to share about your last post person12345.
To me, it's not just the women in porn that are interchangable, but the men too. Often they are nothing more than a hard cock. I... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, I'd still do it but not very often. There are other reasons behind the behavior that don't all revolve around sexual satisfaction. It is a stress relief. I also use it to help improve sexual stamina so that I can perform better and last ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 November 2010: Holy crap! I think we just had breakthrough time didn't we! I'm very glad that there are women like you out there. I hope to meet one of my own someday. I'm also glad it seems like you've found the source of your feelings about his porn ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Sad, I know. Actually, I can think of one time it happened and one time it almost did. Once it happened on accident, but fortunately for me we were in a 69 and she was having one at the same time so she didn't care. Another told me she swallowed ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good point Gabrielle. Let me rephrase, your attitude about sex is special. As is yours Smiliek. I hope to meet a woman with similar feelings toward sex someday.
Do guys prefer a handjob or bj when getting a "release?"
This guy prefers a bj... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're a special girl Gabrielle, and I envy your partner. The only girl I've met who had a similar attitude to you as far as sex turned out to be a manipulative psycho. That relationship never would have lasted so long if the sex wasn't so ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: Good questions, and no you're not all alone, I keep checking in and referring people in situations similar to yours back to this thread.
Can a guy have enough sex that he doesn't need to masturbate?
Yes and no. I've found that (at least in my ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a bestfriend that is a female. Need help!
Q. dear cupid, I am not the jealous type at all and honestly i didn't even care up until last month when me and this guy im seeing for about 6 months went on vacation together for my birthday. It was supposed to be a group thing but everyone backed o...
A. 25 October 2010: Do those feelings just go away?
Not in my experience. I had a crush on a close female friend. I actually tried to get over her because she was in a relationship. I started dating a friend of ours (my crush and me). After 3 years in a relation... (read in full...)
Thoughts on technology and long distance relationships
Q. It never fails to amaze me how many questions I see on here about long distance relationships (LDR's). I will admit, I understand the temptation. I've been there. I've tried it. I've concluded that they don't work. Still, what is it about these ...
A. 20 October 2010: Thanks for the compliment glassblower. I have a question for you. If you relationship with your BF wasn't long distance, do you think you would have this "VCTM Crush" you mention in your profile?
To me, that's where it starts. Of course I... (read in full...)
Thoughts on technology and long distance relationships
Q. It never fails to amaze me how many questions I see on here about long distance relationships (LDR's). I will admit, I understand the temptation. I've been there. I've tried it. I've concluded that they don't work. Still, what is it about these ...
A. 20 October 2010: Thanks for the personal perspective. The difference is that you see eachother regularly. Many of the "Relationships" we see here at DC are between people who have never even met in person yet they've been in an LDR for 2 years. From what I've ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 13 October 2010: Welcome back Mia. Glad you got everything sorted out!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree. It is lazy. It also becomes harder to fantasize if you're constantly bombarding yourself with these images. The problem in my life is that I haven't found many women with comparable sex drives. Most of the women I've been with have ... (read in full...)
Never got over my first kiss, should I leave my boyfriend to give it another try?
Q. Back in high school i dated this boy for 1 1/2 months. i know its nothing, but he was my first kiss. It's been 3 years since then, but i cant get him out of my mind. We've hung out a few times since the breakup, but we always end up pissing each ...
A. 7 October 2010: If you've been playing the make up/break up game, then do yourself a favor and just end it for good. Give it a shot with your old flame. Who knows, it may work out. What's the harm? Just take is slow so you don't end up doing something you'll ... (read in full...)
Tired of feeling worthless... Is this porn addiction?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend on and off for 3 years. i've known him for 8. we get along great, have alot of fun together, we live together at his mothers house. i've known for a long time that he looks at porn, and masturbates to it. i don't li...
A. 7 October 2010: Your boyfriend has a serious problem. This is what most people label as porn addiction. Really, the determining factor of that in my book is when he is turning down sex with you to masturbate to porn. Not only is this extremely selfish but it's a ... (read in full...)
Never got over my first kiss, should I leave my boyfriend to give it another try?
Q. Back in high school i dated this boy for 1 1/2 months. i know its nothing, but he was my first kiss. It's been 3 years since then, but i cant get him out of my mind. We've hung out a few times since the breakup, but we always end up pissing each ...
A. 7 October 2010: Maybe he won't "admit to it" because you dated for a blink of an eye 3 years ago and he doesn't know if he has feelings at all. Just because someone is thinking about someone else doesn't necessarily mean they want to be with that person.
If yo... (read in full...)
He's 16 and emo, I'm 14 and normal!
Q. Okay, so there's this boy, he's not in my school or year, he's 16 and I am only 14. And he's kinda emo, I've been on holiday with him. And he's one of the best lads that I know. I allways talk about him to friends. But I don't know whether I should ...
A. 7 October 2010: Two years isn't that big a difference. The bigger issue is that he's past the legal age of conscent and you aren't. As for telling him you like him, you just say "I like you. Want to go out on a date sometime?" It's pretty simple, but can be ... (read in full...)
I need help to know if I'm ready for sex!
Q. Hey me and my Boyfriend have been together for about 7months and I don't know if we are ready for 'it'. We have been discussing sex for the past few days and I'm scared. I think I am ready but he really wants to do it because he loves me so much and ...
A. 7 October 2010: My general rule is that if you don't know if you are ready for sex, then you aren't ready for it. Now, if a fear of the pain is the only thing holding you back, then that may be slightly different.
1. Kissing and making out. Maybe some foreplay... (read in full...)
Can I get HIV from kissing her?
Q. okay, so I very lightly french kissed a girl that didn't give anyone oral sex before, but she kissed someone before me that did give oral to someone, this has been over a year ago, my doctor told me not to worry about having any curable std, but ...
A. 7 October 2010: 1) You aren't ready for any of this if you have such irrational fears. Slow down and wait until you are ready.
2) You don't have HIV. The chances of getting HIV through a kiss is extremely low, and that's through direct contact with someone ... (read in full...)
How do I repair this?
Q. Ok this is going to be long but please read cuz I really need help and advice. The past couple of months I have been getting closer to a friend. I have a lot of feelings for her. She knows this and I believe she has the same or at least had. Bas...
A. 7 October 2010: Not the best time to profess love, that's for sure.
Really, you need to give her space. A nice card apologizing might not be a bad idea. Let her know that you're sorry, but more importantly show her you're sorry by never doing something like tha... (read in full...)
She likes porn now... so what's the problem???
Q. 9m relationship - fantastic - my girl shes hotttt, crazy about me (brings a long stem rose to the airport), very very hot (did i say that lol - 50kg, great ass, cute waiste, etc) loves to dance, (when im with her), just a bubbly vivacious girl (and ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ok, I'm really confused here. You're not sure what you're asking, and neither am I...
Here's my take on your situation. You're putting the cart before the horse. You've gotten waaaaaaaaaayyyyyy ahead of yourself here. What I see is this: yo... (read in full...)
He's an Atheist, I'm not. I love him but we have a few issues...
Q. I was raised a Catholic but during my early teen years, I started researching everything I could about religion because life made little sense to me. At 18, I don't go to church, don't practice anything but the belief that there is something more ...
A. 7 October 2010: Go with your gut. We're often good at denying the truth because we try to rationalize our feelings with our brains. If you have an uncomfortable feeling with him, that is what is most important.
I agree with pretty much everything that bir... (read in full...)
Boy drama, help me out... wanna make him miss me!
Q. Ok so me and my ex have been on/off for the last 4 years. We go throught different stages, nice and bad. The bad where we just seem to argue and he breaks up with me. He goes sour and never wants to talk to me. He is super stubborn. He says a few ...
A. 7 October 2010: WALK AWAY!!! There is no good side here. You two aren't meant to be together. If you were meant to be together you wouldn't be doing this make up/break up crap. Neither of you will find someone who you can be truely happy with as long as you ... (read in full...)
He said he hasn't cheated but I feel cheated!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and half now and I am due to have our baby day now, last year we had problems and he left me but we sorted things out and in january i found out I was pregnant, since then he has been amazing kind and caring ...
A. 7 October 2010: You need to ask yourself if you believe him that he hasn't been intimate with these girls. Although, just because he hasn't been physically intimate with them doesn't mean his actions weren't that of a cheater. I would classify what he has been ... (read in full...)
Should I feel insecure if I'm dating a woman who can beat me up?
Q. I'm not much of a fighter, and I have a question. Should I feel insecure if I happen to meet a gorgeous woman who could beat me in a fight? Is this a strange question, or is it a legitimate concern? Let's say she's a karate expert or somethi...
A. 7 October 2010: Having been involved in the martial arts my whole life I can say that most individuals I know who have gone through extensive enough training to handle themselves in most situations are the individuals who are least likely to get in fights. It's ... (read in full...)
Am I imagining something that isn't really there?
Q. During the Summer vacation I've been talking to this boy from my school on Facebook. Although I've seen him around I've never actually spoke much to him... We've both started college now, and we're in all the same classes. Sometimes he w...
A. 7 October 2010: It could. Has he tried to spend any time with you outside of class? Has he invited you to any parties? Has he tired introducing you to his friends?
These could be early flirts, or it could just be being friendly because you knew eachothe... (read in full...)
Why does he want to stay when it is apparent that he is not happy with me?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been married for 17 years and together for 23 years, I am a devoted wife and mother of 2 adult children m y youngest who is a full time student still resides at home. My husband is lying to me, In 2008 he and I went on our firs...
A. 7 October 2010: I wouldn't say he isn't happy with you, but I would say that you need to end it. He is hurting you. His actions become more deliberate as you find out more, confront him about them, and then he continues this relationship. He can try and refuse a ... (read in full...)
He's 16 and emo, I'm 14 and normal!
Q. Okay, so there's this boy, he's not in my school or year, he's 16 and I am only 14. And he's kinda emo, I've been on holiday with him. And he's one of the best lads that I know. I allways talk about him to friends. But I don't know whether I should ...
A. 7 October 2010: If you think he'll laugh in your face, then he's not a nice guy and you shouldn't bother. It doesn't matter what other people think. I know you're at an age where all of that feels important, and in a way is because kids can be very harsh, but ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a bestfriend that is a female. Need help!
Q. dear cupid, I am not the jealous type at all and honestly i didn't even care up until last month when me and this guy im seeing for about 6 months went on vacation together for my birthday. It was supposed to be a group thing but everyone backed o...
A. 7 October 2010: I think you're right in your assumption of some jealousy. Even if she decided she didn't want to date him, she likely enjoyed the attention he gave her. It's always nice to have people to do things with. She also may have liked him more than she ... (read in full...)
Why can he even think of hanging out with another girl so soon???
Q. OK me and my ex split up 2 weeks ago this sat. He knew if i ever seen him with this one girl it was gonna kill me. So smacked right in my face are pics of him and her in a bar together. They have been hangin out a lot more now. I had to go get a ...
A. 7 October 2010: Do your best to move on. Whatever the reasoning behind your break up, it is unlikely to change. Do your best to cut him out of your life. Aunt Honesty is right that people deal with things differently, and this may be a rebound or just going out ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: I agree to a point. I think part of the appeal of porn with regard to masturbation is that it is easy and highly accessable. Can I masturbate without it? Sure. The thing is that it takes longer. At least for me. If I just want to make it fast, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ha! Just because they happen doesn't mean they need to be accepted. I see people who don't pay their taxes every day. Death is hard to cheat though.... (read in full...)
Advice on boyfriend's porn.....
Q. I’ve been with this guy for almost ten years in a serious relationship and he is wonderful on many levels. However, long story short, I discovered porn on my boyfriend’s internet history by accident earlier this year and I confronted him about it. ...
A. 6 October 2010: Person12345, I think that the point that Gabrielle was trying to make was to get the OP to see this from the other perspective. You're right that just because one person doesn't see it as a problem doesn't mean it isn't a problem to the ... (read in full...)
She wants to open the relationship to other guys
Q. For readers who aren't aware, my girlfriend of two years left me about 6 weeks ago because I was unfaithful. While I was not sexually promiscuous, I had a habit of pushing the lines of flirting until a girl sent me nude photos last November. My ...
A. 6 October 2010: Welcome back. Well, you're aware of my cynicism here as I've made it well known to you in the past. I think that part of your problem is that 2 months isn't long enough to prove any real change. Sure, you've made a lot of changes in your life, ... (read in full...)
Thoughts on technology and long distance relationships
Q. It never fails to amaze me how many questions I see on here about long distance relationships (LDR's). I will admit, I understand the temptation. I've been there. I've tried it. I've concluded that they don't work. Still, what is it about these ...
A. 6 October 2010: I agree. I see a lot of questions on here from people who have been in a "relationship" with someone who they have never even actually spoken too. I think that if you tried explaining how this is a committed relationship to someone of my ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 6 October 2010: Nobody ever has to accept anything they don't want to. I do believe that a lot of people believe that someone may have to accept something but the truth is that it is your right as an individual to make your own choices as to what you'll accept or ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 5 October 2010: I'm still reading it. :-)
I think that's because of the fact that it's viewed as "taboo." These are conversations that need to take place in a relationship. It makes the relationship stronger if both parties lay out their expectations for each... (read in full...)
Advice on boyfriend's porn.....
Q. I’ve been with this guy for almost ten years in a serious relationship and he is wonderful on many levels. However, long story short, I discovered porn on my boyfriend’s internet history by accident earlier this year and I confronted him about it. ...
A. 5 October 2010: I hate to say this but all you'll do by forcing him to not watch porn is make him hide it more carefully.
What is it about the porn that upsets you? There is a difference between soft core and hard core porn. Soft core is generally more loving, ... (read in full...)
Does she like me, despite only having broken up with her ex 5 days ago?
Q. Recently a girl who i know from work (She left that job some months ago but we stayed in touch) broke up with her boyfriend of 2years. Then less than 5 days later she starts texting me and speaking to me on facebook a hell of a lot more than she ...
A. 5 October 2010: I say go for it but take things slowly. It is possible that she isn't over her break up, but it is just as possible that she's been looking for an out for a while and has already moved on. If she seems into you, and you like her, then go for it! ... (read in full...)
What should I do? How should I feel?
Q. this man i been dealing with for about 2 months make me fel so good and happy i wanna spend all my time with him and i want him to spend all his time with me, we like being with each other and it may sound wrong but he been staying the night for ...
A. 5 October 2010: I think that if this guy makes you happy then that's who you should be with. If your baby's father is just getting out of prison, chances are he's not going to be the best role model for your child. He's also very likely to end up back in there ... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 5 October 2010: I understand. Be careful not to focus on an idealized version of this person. That can happen in their absence. Have you made any progress in sorting out your feelings toward your husband?... (read in full...)
I slept my first guy and feel kind of dirty! Help!
Q. I slept with a random guy last night. He was my first. I was really drunk! I just feel weird right now. I feel kinda dirty and kinda glad its over. Why do I feel so different?...
A. 3 October 2010: How much do you know about the Guy you were with? You may feel dirty because you now have an STD. Get yourself checked.... (read in full...)
I am not a jealous type person but now I feel like I can't trust my boyfriend and I am becoming a jealous person.
Q. My boyfriend of 5 month and I are very in love. We both are continually amazed at how well we work together. I truly feel his is the only man for me. However, about a month ago I snooped through his phone on a whim. We had been eating dinner at a ...
A. 1 October 2010: Ok, another premature reply on my part I guess...
Thanks for the additional follow up. It puts things into a different light.
How do you get yourself to trust him again? I think part of the reason why you're having difficulty trusting him is ... (read in full...)
I am not a jealous type person but now I feel like I can't trust my boyfriend and I am becoming a jealous person.
Q. My boyfriend of 5 month and I are very in love. We both are continually amazed at how well we work together. I truly feel his is the only man for me. However, about a month ago I snooped through his phone on a whim. We had been eating dinner at a ...
A. 1 October 2010: For the record, your reply was approved after I posted what I did, but it just helps make my point.
You have met these girls, and you just don't remember. Your friend gave examples of guys saying stuff like that as jokes. You have no reason t... (read in full...)
Boyfriend hasn't called me... I miss him... Should I call him?
Q. so ive been with my bf for 3 years and im 18 hes 20 on sunday my boyfriend called me but his tone of voice seemed weird like if he was upset but when i asked if he anything was wrong he said he was fine....then the next 2 days after that his p...
A. 1 October 2010: I would suggest waiting a few more days before trying to call him again. I think a break up is premature but like xlaurenx said, you will need to talk to him about how if he wants to have space for a while, he should tell you first, but you're fine ... (read in full...)
Help... I don't feel like I fit in because I don't drink or go out partying!
Q. I began college a month ago (I went early, I turn 18 in a few months' time) and I'm having trouble relating properly to people because almost everyone else here is going out drinking and partying till really late and I can't. It doesn't seem like ...
A. 1 October 2010: Keep up the good work! You definitely won't regret it.
My freshman year of college was one continuous party. It's what so many people do. I'm not going to lie, it was a lot of fun, but I also ended up with a 1.3 GPA and on academic suspensi... (read in full...)
My fiance's best friend is a horrible influence! What can I do?
Q. My girlfriend/ fiance of 2 years has changed lately her girlfriend who is single and is man crazy is always wanting my fiance to go out and drink with her just found out that she is smoking pot again and want my fiance to get high with her. When ...
A. 1 October 2010: Well, you have to trust your fiance to do right by you, however you can talk about the things that are upsetting you. It's not cool for her to ditch you. It's not cool for her to be texting while you're on a date. Just because "her friend doesn't ... (read in full...)
I am not a jealous type person but now I feel like I can't trust my boyfriend and I am becoming a jealous person.
Q. My boyfriend of 5 month and I are very in love. We both are continually amazed at how well we work together. I truly feel his is the only man for me. However, about a month ago I snooped through his phone on a whim. We had been eating dinner at a ...
A. 1 October 2010: I think you need to get over yourself. NEWS FLASH: he had friends before you got together. Chances are you haven't met all of them in just 5 months. I bet he has more friends that you haven't met too. Are you going to freak out like this if he ... (read in full...)
Why do they all say "lets just be friends?"
Q. Hello, I personally have problems getting past the friend zone in terms of relationships with girls. I don't know what it is or I am just too nice or so unoriginal that I come off unattractive. I am slightly over weight which is usual in this ...
A. 1 October 2010: How do you go about finding a date? I end up in the friend zone a lot too. I know it has to do with the fact that I tend to develop feelings for female friends. Since we're already friends, they don't want to take the chance of "ruining" that ... (read in full...)
Does he need a good bye letter?
Q. I thought I met the love of my life when I went on vacation in the summer of 08. I was going through so much at the time and I took a trip to clear my head, and there he was, the same person I loved as a little girl growing up. We spoke for hours, ...
A. 1 October 2010: Yes, well no, ummmm... Ok, let me put it this way. You need to get out of this relationship! You need to run for the door and never look back. He doesn't diserve anything so nice as a good buy letter. He is an abusive liar. Very little worse ... (read in full...)
How do I help my virgin friend get laid?
Q. Well, I'm posting for a friend, basically my friend is 21 years old and still a virgin, he really wants to lose it, he's just not a very sociable person. He's not BAD looking or anything and I've tried myself to get him laid with some of my friends, ...
A. 1 October 2010: Does HE want to get laid? I had a friend who would "complain" about not getting laid. One night his roommate had a party and talked a girl into having sex with him. He freaked out. I'm not saying that's the case with your friend, but maybe he is ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to say to this boy I want to get to know!
Q. There is a new boy in my sixth form and he is really nice and i would like to get to know him better. but when i try and talk to him i have no idea what to say as i don't want to say anything that he will think is stupid and i don't want to ...
A. 1 October 2010: Do you know anything about him? Does he play any sports? Is he active in any extra curricular activities? Those are always good topics of conversation. If not, more general talk about music, movies, TV, etc never hurts either. Heck, you could ... (read in full...)
What was your most embarrassing moment while on a date?
Q. What was the your most embarassing moment wile on a date? :)...
A. 1 October 2010: Well, it wasn't embarassing for me, but my ex turned all shades of red when we were out at a nice restaurant one night and she knocked her purse off the table. Her birth control pills dropped out onto the floor and a number of people at neighboring ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a bestfriend that is a female. Need help!
Q. dear cupid, I am not the jealous type at all and honestly i didn't even care up until last month when me and this guy im seeing for about 6 months went on vacation together for my birthday. It was supposed to be a group thing but everyone backed o...
A. 1 October 2010: What chigirl said. The other two seem to have missed the fact that this friend and your BF never actually dated. He was infatuated with her and she shot him down. He was hurt and gave it time and then moved on. If anything, this should put you ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 30 September 2010: I think you're right person12345, there is a bit of the ostrich syndrome going on here. I have some thoughts on this question though: "If she's already insecure and that makes it worse, why wouldn't he want to make her feel better?"
This is a sli... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 29 September 2010: OK Friends, we're opened back up. I just wanted to post a reminder to everyone to keep it civil. I haven't seen anything like that in a while, but it's still worthy of a reminder.
So, without further delay, please let the conversation continue... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 17 September 2010: All very understandable. You've got a good head on your shoulders. I'm sure you'll do the right thing.... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 17 September 2010: I'd say that's probably for the best. How'd it make you feel?... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 15 September 2010: Interesting. I was picturing something like what you described, but I wanted to make sure. I think your decision is the right one. Take your time. Analyze your body language, and see if he's initiating or reciprocating these signals.
Still... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 15 September 2010: Yeah, it's a great feeling at first. When it turns into unrequited love, it can actually start to stuck pretty bad. Especially if it lasts for years. :(
You keep meeting him once a fortnight... Do you arrange these meetings or are they ran... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 14 September 2010: And why not?!? I'm single, and frankly, I don't care if they are. I'm not talking about locking gazes here, just a friendly smile. What you're talking about is different. When you lock eyes, and give a big smile, that's a different story. It is ... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 14 September 2010: Guys smile at pretty girls. It's just something we do. Sometimes, if I see someone who looks down, I'll shoot them a smile in hopes that the little gesture will brighten their day. It's also something that is hard not to do back if someone smiles ... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 14 September 2010: You find him attractive and are creating things in your head. Sure, the flirty smiles are real, but how much do you actually talk to this guy? You're sexually frustrated, and that's coming out in this behavior.
I would suggest sitting your hus... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Katy, I didn't realize you were the anon poster. However, I never said you don't belong here, just the negativity you were expressing.
I was pushing for contributions, not attacks. Please do contribute. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Anon poster, where your argument about men fails is your statement about their actions. Actions and thoughts are two very different things. Just because we may fantasize about something, that doesn't mean we will, or even we want to in reality, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "Why is it you don't talk about 'masturbation addicts'"
LOL Mia, a masturbation addict will eventually be unable to even view porn since they'll go blind and have super hairy palms.
Don't you love those old wive's tales?
I also have pro... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "As for Dirtball's theory about masturbation is dirty, I think porn would actually lessen especially in how degrading it is if masturbation wasn't thought of as hidden and dirty."
I agree. When we're hiding something already, it becomes easier t... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 25 August 2010: "But lying as a teen to your mum is surely different to lying to your partner?"
It is and it isn't. Your point is valid and the way things should work ideally. The thing is that learned behavior is difficult to change. An example. I live alo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 24 August 2010: Why is this "ok" to lie about?
It really isn't. You are right that a relationship built around lies doesn't have a real foundation. Now, what I'm about to type, is the justification.
It's not that it's ok to lie about it, it's that men ha... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: Be careful when you say such things, especially if the pig is around. He tends to get very funny ideas when you say "woman, naked, ogle"
Ha, Q isn't the only one who gets crazy thoughts in his head when he hears (or reads) those words. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: If I had a gf who would take sexy pics of herself or star in a video with me, you better believe I'd watch that above anything else in my collection. The problem is that, like with just about anything, the same thing can get boring if repeated ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: "sorry to drag it back, but im still at a loss as to what to say to women who post on here who cannot accept their partners porn use, but love him and do not wish to leave the rship. If he wont stop (even if he only does it sometimes) what should ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: I should add, thank you for identifying yourself!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Sorry person 12345... I was writing my response at the same time.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Anon, she says you're hiding because you haven't signed up and given us a user name to call you.
As for the prevalence in today's society... I blame "girls gone wild." My mom had an argument with one of my brother's girlfriends once because ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: I'm going to step out of the porn discussion for a second and address the Neuroscience issue (as this was one of my primary collegiate areas of study).
What you see activating in the brain of an addict during a scan is their dopamine centers.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: My point is that "normal, mainstream porn" can be all the things I listed. It's all out there for anyone with internet access. Even in your "expert" opinion you have to see you're over generalizing. Also, just because something is out there, it ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm with Tisha. There is every kind of porn out there under the sun.
You've got the ones where they are actors with lines and are playing out a scenario. Heck, I just saw a XXX parody of "That 70's Show." It was hardly degrading. It was funn... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: Wow, this thread really exploded didn't it.
First. To LucyLoos. I was the responder who discussed my sex drive. I find it admirable that you've been able to enhance yours to meet your husband's needs. That's excellent. My first choice i... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 19 August 2010: "I love the man i met, i dont have any need or want to change him. I may not love the man he became if he tried."
Of your whole post (which I agree could really have used paragraphs) this is the sentence that summed up my stance on this topic. ... (read in full...)
| *irtball's friends
These are mutual friends, so *irtball has
added them and they have added *irtball!
|
