A
female
age
36-40,
*Bubbles
writes:I am a very shy person when I'm around people. I would like to know how I can overcome being shy? I am not go at socialize and starting a conversation. I feel like sometimes I don't fit in the crowd sometimes; I feel like I am boring.
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male
reader, kewuoygy +, writes (13 October 2010):
People who don't know me well might not know that I am actually a private shy person. I just present myself to others as an extravert, because this is what my profession requires--I need to speak to roomful of students every work day. I cannot afford to be shy. However, given the choice, I would rather be alone in the privacy of my own room--at least for much of the time.
The American culture celebrates the outgoing, go-getter type of personality, so if you are not "social enough," you tend to be marginalized. Nevertheless, there are studies done on personality differences across cultures: they show that Americans tend to be extraverts. But I doubt if natural lottery ordains everyone or even a majority of us to be extraverts. Here is a piece worth looking at--not a rigorous scholarly piece: http://www.thoughtful-self-improvement.com/Introverts-T2.html
What I am saying is that you shouldn't beat yourself up for being shy. Like myself, first you learn to accept who you are as a person, and make the changes necessary to get along with other people. However, don't try to turn yourself into a social butterfly, if deep down you feel that is not who you are.
As far as relationships go, I actually like women who are a bit shy. There is room for introverts in this world!
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 October 2010):
 Are you good at anything? I used to be pretty shy too. Then I got a job as a martial arts teacher. It was something I've done my whole life, so I knew the material, but I had to get good at public speaking, taking command of a room, and all sorts of other skills that I didn't have before I got that job. What helped me overcome that shyness was the confidence I had in my skill. I also met many people who became friends through that hobby/job. Find something you're passionate about, something you like doing, and your confidence will build. You'll meet people who share your interests and the conversation will flow because you have a shared interest to talk about.
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