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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Having not checked back here in quite a while, I've got some thoughts to share about your last post person12345.
To me, it's not just the women in porn that are interchangable, but the men too. Often they are nothing more than a hard cock. I... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, I'd still do it but not very often. There are other reasons behind the behavior that don't all revolve around sexual satisfaction. It is a stress relief. I also use it to help improve sexual stamina so that I can perform better and last ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 November 2010: Holy crap! I think we just had breakthrough time didn't we! I'm very glad that there are women like you out there. I hope to meet one of my own someday. I'm also glad it seems like you've found the source of your feelings about his porn ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Sad, I know. Actually, I can think of one time it happened and one time it almost did. Once it happened on accident, but fortunately for me we were in a 69 and she was having one at the same time so she didn't care. Another told me she swallowed ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good point Gabrielle. Let me rephrase, your attitude about sex is special. As is yours Smiliek. I hope to meet a woman with similar feelings toward sex someday.
Do guys prefer a handjob or bj when getting a "release?"
This guy prefers a bj... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're a special girl Gabrielle, and I envy your partner. The only girl I've met who had a similar attitude to you as far as sex turned out to be a manipulative psycho. That relationship never would have lasted so long if the sex wasn't so ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: Good questions, and no you're not all alone, I keep checking in and referring people in situations similar to yours back to this thread.
Can a guy have enough sex that he doesn't need to masturbate?
Yes and no. I've found that (at least in my ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 13 October 2010: Welcome back Mia. Glad you got everything sorted out!... (read in full...)
I am questioning my husbands commitment and ability to be an adult
Q. I am questioning my relationship with my husband and his commitment to me. I feela s though his selfishness is getting in the way of our relationship. I have a 7 year old son who my husband has adopted and helped raise and my husband is very close ...
A. 12 October 2010: Glad to help out. Get me on certain topics and I assure you that my name fits. ;-)
I hope that you can work this out, even if it means leaving the marriage. Relationships are about mutual compromise. When all of the bending comes from one side... (read in full...)
I am questioning my husbands commitment and ability to be an adult
Q. I am questioning my relationship with my husband and his commitment to me. I feela s though his selfishness is getting in the way of our relationship. I have a 7 year old son who my husband has adopted and helped raise and my husband is very close ...
A. 12 October 2010: Have you told him these feelings? I'm guessing you have, and I'm pleased to hear that you're in therapy.
Ok, part of the problem is your husband, but part of it is also you. You facilitate all of his behavior. You sacrifice for yourself... (read in full...)
Too much masturbation?
Q. I've tried reading up on the internet about the effects of too much masturbation but i thoguht i'd ask on here too. I'm a 16 year old girl who's a virgin and doesn't want to lose it till 17 at least and I've been masturbating for probably around t...
A. 12 October 2010: I don't think it's too much. I know that in the past I would regularly masturbate a couple of times a day. I have a very high sex drive, as it sounds like you do too. You do have a couple of warning signs though. Masturbating to the point of ... (read in full...)
Should I see a dietician before I embark on this new healthy lifestyle?
Q. Trying to improve my health and get into a healthy eating routine and start jogging to increase my energy levels and improve my libido drastically. Would it be advisable to see a dietician first to get started as I have no idea where to start a...
A. 12 October 2010: If you're planning to make drastic changes, I would definitely advise talking to a professional or at least reading some material on the subject. Drastic changes to your diet can affect your overall health, sometimes not in the way you had hoped. ... (read in full...)
I'm scared I'm never going to get over him or be able to move on.
Q. Hello. This might might be quite long so please bear with me! i was going out with my ex for two and a half years and we broke up a week ago because his family are moving halfway across the world and i know i dont want a long distance relationship ...
A. 12 October 2010: What you're feeling is natural. There are stages of grief that go along with loss. Most people think they just apply to death, but really any major loss in our lives will often see these stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and ... (read in full...)
Should I work on becoming friends with her instead, or just completely forget about her and move on?
Q. I’ve known this girl three years ago, when both of us were twelve. We were classmates. Now we’re in different schools. I fell in love with her. I sent her two letters and a gift and I think I went a little too far, because she then started calling ...
A. 12 October 2010: Yes, you need to move on. You will never be able to be her friend unless you do. You can't be true friends with someone who you secretly (or not so secretly) have a thing for. She has told you that she is not interested. All your clingy behavior ... (read in full...)
I am questioning my husbands commitment and ability to be an adult
Q. I am questioning my relationship with my husband and his commitment to me. I feela s though his selfishness is getting in the way of our relationship. I have a 7 year old son who my husband has adopted and helped raise and my husband is very close ...
A. 12 October 2010: To me, it sounds like he's asking himself similar questions to the ones you're asking yourself. His acting out this way is his way of testing the waters, of trying to establish some form of dominance, of seeing just how much of his crap you'll ... (read in full...)
Should I leave him alone or wait to see if he realises that I really care?
Q. I am confused this guy says things like I went overseas with the wrong girl, if you had of been there with me it would have been awesome! and I wouldn't care if we did nothing at all as long as we were together! Then he suddenly changes and pulls ...
A. 12 October 2010: He's being too wishy-washy to know for sure. I think those statements definitely proclaim interest, but it's hard to say just how much interest. He could just be saying this stuff to string you along. Sincerity is harder to tell these days.... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with my wife like in the porn movies
Q. 1) How to make my wife to blow mine back after I had make love with her btw she always blow mine first before we have sex. I had ask her to but she always said it's very irritating and I told her that's is yours what so irritating I lick hers until ...
A. 9 October 2010: No need to delete it. Please leave this as a reference. There may be someone else out there with the same problem who is afraid to ask it so they are searching previous posts instead. ... (read in full...)
How can I find the right one for me?
Q. I'm 20 and I have never had a serious relationship. Now, I'm scared because I'm getting older each day and I just can't find him. Boys/men aren't interesting me at all because I can never seem to find anyone that has the same wave of thinking as I ...
A. 8 October 2010: You're still young and have plenty of time. The best things you can do are go places where you will meet people. Join clubs. Join a gym. Become a regular somewhere. Start a study group. Take up a new hobby. Sign up for an online dating ... (read in full...)
Is this usual in Germany?
Q. In fact if I could speak German, I should post it in German agony website... One day, I was travelling in Germany, I went to a kind of pub which looks normal. Some people started to speak with me. One German young guy suddenely asked me t...
A. 8 October 2010: I have no idea if that's how things are done in Germany but I'd doubt it. This guy may try this kind of thing with unsuspecting girls.
Ultimately what matters is how you felt about it. It sounds like you were put off. If someone does that aga... (read in full...)
He has photos of his ex in his album and I don't like it!
Q. i am in a long distance relationship and have been for over a year, we see each other twice a month 3 to 4 days at a time, he has called me every night since we met. My problem is just last week he began putting photos in his family album and I saw ...
A. 8 October 2010: She was his wife. That album is about his past and present. Like it or not she's part of his history. He will likely always love her in some way, but he knows that they aren't meant to be together. You should not be threatened by this at all. ... (read in full...)
Why do people say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?
Q. I am a bit confused about this people say that the beauty is the eye of the beholder but in this world we tend to look at beauty in a different way; It's been said that people who are beautiful gets the best of everything good ...
A. 8 October 2010: I know lots of ugly people in powerful positions. Hell, Bill Gates isn't handsome and he's one of the richest men in the world. Sometimes you have to make it yourself. People who rely on their looks for everything end up failing in the end.... (read in full...)
I want to stop my daughter from making a big mistake!
Q. My 20 yr old daughter is making the biggest mistake of her life, I know that everyone says kids need to learn by their mistakes and I totally agree but not when it can ruin their future. 5 months ago she came home and told us that she was dating a...
A. 8 October 2010: Kidnap her every few months and get her the depo shot so that at least they can't have babies...
If only you could do that. Unfortunately there is little you can do. The more you make him forbidden fruit, the more she will want it. Your poi... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with my wife like in the porn movies
Q. 1) How to make my wife to blow mine back after I had make love with her btw she always blow mine first before we have sex. I had ask her to but she always said it's very irritating and I told her that's is yours what so irritating I lick hers until ...
A. 8 October 2010: You can't make your wife do anything she doesn't want to. That would be rape. Just putting that out there.
Most likely her reluctance to do these things is because she isn't comfortable with them. She also is probably feeling very self consciou... (read in full...)
Why won't he make a move?!?
Q. So me and my guy have been dating for just a little over a month. I know he really likes me because he's told me and we've also talked about being more than friends. Everything is going great, the only problem is he won't make a move! Like nothing! ...
A. 8 October 2010: I'm with Jmtmj! If you want it, go for it. ... (read in full...)
Would he be comparing me to his ex?
Q. Hello all.. I'm really attracted to this friend of mines, he's single and so am I, we usually flirt and all, but that's it (prob because we live on diff states, we met online btw.) Anyways, long story short, he still meets up with his ex of over 1yr ...
A. 8 October 2010: I doubt it, but I wouldn't pursue anything with this guy. Find someone closer to home who you can actually be with. Someone who isn't still having sex with his "ex." Somehow I doubt she's his ex. Call it a gut feeling. He sounds more like a ... (read in full...)
I'm nervous to watch porn with my man!
Q. I recently saw my boyfriend watching porn, he does a few times a week he didn't know that I knew, it bothered me but I decided to ask him if we can watch together, he of course is all for it, the problem is I'm not quit sure how to act, I mean I ...
A. 8 October 2010: Why will it be weird? It might be a turn on for both of you. My guess is that with very little time in you two won't be watching the screen.
He may be watching it for different reasons. Ideas for things you two can do, because he's horny, t... (read in full...)
What does this "free agent" text mean?
Q. My husband got a text messages from a female saying," I'm glad you have the same number. free agent?" and another message giving her address. also wrote," free agent?" again. i need to know what does she mean when she saids,"free agent?"...
A. 8 October 2010: She's asking if he's single. How did he reply?... (read in full...)
What do men think when they see this?
Q. I've seen a lot of questions about breats but haven't bumped into something like this: what do you men think when you can see the shape of a womans nipple, like if she's cold and gets hard nipples, or maybe she's not wearing a brassier and u can ...
A. 8 October 2010: Honestly it depends on where and when. It can be a thrill to see something you think you aren't supposed to. It can also look very trashy. It depends on the girl, the time, the place, lots of factors.... (read in full...)
My ex is dating a new guy. Do I have a chance to get her back?
Q. So I started dating this girl about a year ago and 3 months in I made the mistake of kissing another woman. I was really drunk and it was a huge mistake. After cheating I realized I really didn't want to be with anyone else because it felt so wrong. ...
A. 8 October 2010: Let her go man, let her go. Time passed long ago for you to move on. She has. That being friends thing is crap, it never works. You'll just be opening yourself for a ton of disappointment if you can't get over this.... (read in full...)
How can I stop fighting with him and just make him happy?
Q. Ok, now with a man i would like to know what's the best thing to really make him happy? And how do i seriously stop myself from arguing and fighting with him? I love him dearly and i want to make this work but i know the arguing pushes him away... ...
A. 8 October 2010: I would call that less a trust issue and more a controlling/jealousy issue. If you never want him to hang around his friends you'll smother him and drive him away. It is unhealthy to spend every waking minute with one person. Humans are social ... (read in full...)
I get close to them and then the spark is gone?
Q. Help i need advice asap please :/ Hi well my problem is me i and the way i treat my guy friends.I am 18 and have yet to have my first boyfriend,but i have a bunch of guy friends and well it has been causing some drama in our tight group.My main pro...
A. 8 October 2010: Get close to them how? I would recommend seeking a boyfriend outside your tight friend circle. That way you stand a much smaller chance of alienating those friendships.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree. It is lazy. It also becomes harder to fantasize if you're constantly bombarding yourself with these images. The problem in my life is that I haven't found many women with comparable sex drives. Most of the women I've been with have ... (read in full...)
Is he replacing sex with porn after a year?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together a year in five days. For the last couple of months, I've known about his porn problem. He didn't tell me, I had to find it on the computer one day. There was A LOT of it too. I tried talking to him about it, but ...
A. 8 October 2010: Those guys who you KNOW don't watch porn are lying to you. Most guys do watch it, many just don't admit to it. BUT, just because everyone does it, that doesn't make it right or acceptable in a relationship.
The bigger problem is the fact tha... (read in full...)
He's in an LDR but I think he likes me!
Q. Hey agony aunts, Well I knw most of you would ask me not to give so much thought in this matter but please hear me out first. There is this guy who I have been talkin to for the past few months and we have become really good friends,he finds...
A. 8 October 2010: He may like you, but if you're interested you should let him know you're only interested if he's single. All he has done right now is be friendly. It's hard to tell for sure as I was having great difficulty understanding your second paragraph.... (read in full...)
How have you used the power of suggestion to get a man going?
Q. The power of suggestion is awesome. What is some of the things you gals have done or said to your partner to get him going before you ever see him? ...
A. 8 October 2010: I just know what's worked on me. I love hearing things about how much she wants me. Usually the dirtier the better. Playful hints are good too. ... (read in full...)
Why do so many marriages fail?
Q. Why do marriages fail? So many people get married, and feel that they are marrying their true love, while imagining that they will be together forever. They have relationships where the committment is "iffy" and there are lies and betrayals before m...
A. 8 October 2010: I think that people rarely change, marriage or not. If they cheated in the past, they are likely to cheat again. Marriage doesn't magically change people. Change takes hard work and personal motivation.
I believe that many marriages fail for... (read in full...)
Why do women like sex toys much bigger than real life?
Q. My girlfriend wants a sex toy about 7 inches, maximum 11, and while I do find it arousing, I would rather she not use it every day. She says it's "what she likes", even thought I am actually below average myself as much as I hate to admit it. Am I ...
A. 8 October 2010: Not all girls are that way. Many prefer smaller as well. If it's what she likes, then that's what she likes. I wouldn't concern yourself too much over it unless she starts to prefer her toy to you. That's when it is a problem.... (read in full...)
I love two men, now what?
Q. I strongly feel you can love more than one guy at the same time, but perhaps you might love one more than the other? I am in a very, very crucial point in my life. I have one many who is desperate for me and the most honest and sincere man a women ...
A. 8 October 2010: You have to choose the comfortable known, for the potential of the unknown. You can love more than one person at a time, however in a situation like this, neither one will want to share you.
I honestly think you've made your decision and you want... (read in full...)
How can I stop fighting with him and just make him happy?
Q. Ok, now with a man i would like to know what's the best thing to really make him happy? And how do i seriously stop myself from arguing and fighting with him? I love him dearly and i want to make this work but i know the arguing pushes him away... ...
A. 8 October 2010: We can't give you advice if we don't know why you're arguing or what's causing the fights. Usually lots of arguing and fighting is a sign that you shouldn't be together but without more information all I can say is stop being so argumentative. ... (read in full...)
Why do people always exclude me? I am a good and nice person
Q. Making friends and connecting with other people has never been easy for me. Even when I think I’m doing well, it turns out I’m not. Recently I met two girls and it was the first time they met each other as well. We went to a coffee shop and talked ...
A. 8 October 2010: It sucks that they did that. Sometimes you have to get proactive in your approach. Rather than waiting till they call you, you need to set the date. For example, you were talking about all wanting to see the exhibition. That's when you say, "I'm ... (read in full...)
Ex-boyfriend buys you drinks all night, then makes out with another girl infront of you.
Q. Why would an ex-bf buy you drinks all night then make out with some girl at the bar almost in front of you? My ex, who broke up with me 8 months ago recently asked me to go out for a drink with him to "catch up". I said "sure" but next week someti...
A. 8 October 2010: To show you that you don't mean anything to him.
To make you jealous.
Because he's a dick.
There are quite a few reasons why he may do this. I buy girls drinks all the time, but it doesn't mean I want to get with them. Don't read too mu... (read in full...)
Does it mean he really doesn't love me if he can't respect me enough to tell me the truth?
Q. Does it mean he really doesn't love me if he can't respect me enough to tell me the truth? I see lying as a lack of respect. And I have doubts that true love and disrespect can co-exist. People talk about lying to someone to "not hurt them," b...
A. 8 October 2010: It depends on the situation. There are lies that can actually be a good thing in a relationship. An example of this; "How do I look in this?" "You look beautiful!" Even if she doesn't look that great. It's how you should respond. Don't get me ... (read in full...)
it a natural desire not to have my boyfriend go to something like this without me?
Q. My boyfriend's dad invited him to go to a conference that is for dancing. Although the event is not advertised as a place to meet people, the dancing sessions are set up man and woman, so if a single man is there, they will couple him up with a ...
A. 8 October 2010: I wouldn't say you're being unreasonable. My question is why is his dad going and why does he want to bring his son along?
I can see many possible reasons why he would be going. I'll list a few of them.
1) His dad is trying to meet some wom... (read in full...)
I almost caught my b/f having a "crafty tug", how do I tell him I'm not freaked out about it?
Q. This question could be a bit long and I apologise for that. The situation is, today I came home from work early and when I let myself in the hall I noticed my partner jumped up and switched off the telly really quickly and sat back down again....
A. 8 October 2010: Just sit him down and tell him. Let him know that you aren't upset by what you saw and that you've made a lot of progress in the time the two of you have been together. Let him know you still don't like porn but understand that he's a good guy and ... (read in full...)
Going down on a girl and tasting urine!
Q. Going down on a girl and tasting urine! I'm 22 and every time i go down on my girlfriend i either taste or smell urine, i'm guessing this is pretty normal? But the taste is putting me off deeply, i am struggling to eat her out even though i des...
A. 7 October 2010: Well, it's possible she may leak a little bit when she gets excited. That can happen and could cause what you're tasting. I would suggest maybe warming her up with your hand. If you don't mind the tast of her vaginal fluids, then get her ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is still living with her ex! I don't know if I can take it anymore!
Q. Dont know wot to do? My partner still lives with her ex as she has 2 boys with him, we've been together for a year i love every minute i spend her, she cnt move out at the moment as the father of the kids has just been diagnosed with cancer an...
A. 7 October 2010: Honestly, she isn't ready to move on from him. I don't see this ending well for you. She is connected to him through children and a shared business. He will always be in her life. Now he's sick. You can pretty much write this one off.
Speak... (read in full...)
Never got over my first kiss, should I leave my boyfriend to give it another try?
Q. Back in high school i dated this boy for 1 1/2 months. i know its nothing, but he was my first kiss. It's been 3 years since then, but i cant get him out of my mind. We've hung out a few times since the breakup, but we always end up pissing each ...
A. 7 October 2010: If you've been playing the make up/break up game, then do yourself a favor and just end it for good. Give it a shot with your old flame. Who knows, it may work out. What's the harm? Just take is slow so you don't end up doing something you'll ... (read in full...)
I'm ready to give up all together!
Q. How can I get over sex and men? I hate my body it's so disgusting. I'm a bit fat but working on it, although I'm not overweight, but almost. The problem is I have a disproportioned body, I have big hips, big butt with cellulite and thighs with ...
A. 7 October 2010: Well, you could try switching sides as it were. Yes, lots of guys are pigs and just as you describe. All of us do have things we like and dislike and often we will get with a girl with "flaws." The thing is, everyone has flaws. I sure as hell ... (read in full...)
Tired of feeling worthless... Is this porn addiction?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend on and off for 3 years. i've known him for 8. we get along great, have alot of fun together, we live together at his mothers house. i've known for a long time that he looks at porn, and masturbates to it. i don't li...
A. 7 October 2010: Your boyfriend has a serious problem. This is what most people label as porn addiction. Really, the determining factor of that in my book is when he is turning down sex with you to masturbate to porn. Not only is this extremely selfish but it's a ... (read in full...)
Never got over my first kiss, should I leave my boyfriend to give it another try?
Q. Back in high school i dated this boy for 1 1/2 months. i know its nothing, but he was my first kiss. It's been 3 years since then, but i cant get him out of my mind. We've hung out a few times since the breakup, but we always end up pissing each ...
A. 7 October 2010: Maybe he won't "admit to it" because you dated for a blink of an eye 3 years ago and he doesn't know if he has feelings at all. Just because someone is thinking about someone else doesn't necessarily mean they want to be with that person.
If yo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: I agree to a point. I think part of the appeal of porn with regard to masturbation is that it is easy and highly accessable. Can I masturbate without it? Sure. The thing is that it takes longer. At least for me. If I just want to make it fast, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ha! Just because they happen doesn't mean they need to be accepted. I see people who don't pay their taxes every day. Death is hard to cheat though.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 6 October 2010: Nobody ever has to accept anything they don't want to. I do believe that a lot of people believe that someone may have to accept something but the truth is that it is your right as an individual to make your own choices as to what you'll accept or ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 5 October 2010: I'm still reading it. :-)
I think that's because of the fact that it's viewed as "taboo." These are conversations that need to take place in a relationship. It makes the relationship stronger if both parties lay out their expectations for each... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 30 September 2010: I think you're right person12345, there is a bit of the ostrich syndrome going on here. I have some thoughts on this question though: "If she's already insecure and that makes it worse, why wouldn't he want to make her feel better?"
This is a sli... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 29 September 2010: OK Friends, we're opened back up. I just wanted to post a reminder to everyone to keep it civil. I haven't seen anything like that in a while, but it's still worthy of a reminder.
So, without further delay, please let the conversation continue... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Katy, I didn't realize you were the anon poster. However, I never said you don't belong here, just the negativity you were expressing.
I was pushing for contributions, not attacks. Please do contribute. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Anon poster, where your argument about men fails is your statement about their actions. Actions and thoughts are two very different things. Just because we may fantasize about something, that doesn't mean we will, or even we want to in reality, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "Why is it you don't talk about 'masturbation addicts'"
LOL Mia, a masturbation addict will eventually be unable to even view porn since they'll go blind and have super hairy palms.
Don't you love those old wive's tales?
I also have pro... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "As for Dirtball's theory about masturbation is dirty, I think porn would actually lessen especially in how degrading it is if masturbation wasn't thought of as hidden and dirty."
I agree. When we're hiding something already, it becomes easier t... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 25 August 2010: "But lying as a teen to your mum is surely different to lying to your partner?"
It is and it isn't. Your point is valid and the way things should work ideally. The thing is that learned behavior is difficult to change. An example. I live alo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 24 August 2010: Why is this "ok" to lie about?
It really isn't. You are right that a relationship built around lies doesn't have a real foundation. Now, what I'm about to type, is the justification.
It's not that it's ok to lie about it, it's that men ha... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: Be careful when you say such things, especially if the pig is around. He tends to get very funny ideas when you say "woman, naked, ogle"
Ha, Q isn't the only one who gets crazy thoughts in his head when he hears (or reads) those words. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: If I had a gf who would take sexy pics of herself or star in a video with me, you better believe I'd watch that above anything else in my collection. The problem is that, like with just about anything, the same thing can get boring if repeated ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: "sorry to drag it back, but im still at a loss as to what to say to women who post on here who cannot accept their partners porn use, but love him and do not wish to leave the rship. If he wont stop (even if he only does it sometimes) what should ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: I should add, thank you for identifying yourself!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Sorry person 12345... I was writing my response at the same time.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Anon, she says you're hiding because you haven't signed up and given us a user name to call you.
As for the prevalence in today's society... I blame "girls gone wild." My mom had an argument with one of my brother's girlfriends once because ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: I'm going to step out of the porn discussion for a second and address the Neuroscience issue (as this was one of my primary collegiate areas of study).
What you see activating in the brain of an addict during a scan is their dopamine centers.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: My point is that "normal, mainstream porn" can be all the things I listed. It's all out there for anyone with internet access. Even in your "expert" opinion you have to see you're over generalizing. Also, just because something is out there, it ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm with Tisha. There is every kind of porn out there under the sun.
You've got the ones where they are actors with lines and are playing out a scenario. Heck, I just saw a XXX parody of "That 70's Show." It was hardly degrading. It was funn... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: Wow, this thread really exploded didn't it.
First. To LucyLoos. I was the responder who discussed my sex drive. I find it admirable that you've been able to enhance yours to meet your husband's needs. That's excellent. My first choice i... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 19 August 2010: "I love the man i met, i dont have any need or want to change him. I may not love the man he became if he tried."
Of your whole post (which I agree could really have used paragraphs) this is the sentence that summed up my stance on this topic. ... (read in full...)
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