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This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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28 November 2010: Recently, I found this poem by Maya Angelou. I think it pretty well summarizes how women should feel about themselves. Here it is, in case it benefits anyone. PHENOMENAL WOMAN by Maya Angelou Pretty women wonder where my secret lies I'm n...
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This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 December 2008: Something one of my aunts sent me: When I was born, the doctor went to the waiting room and told my father: "We did all we could, but he was born alive". My mom didn't know whether she should keep me or the placenta. Since I was born before ...
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Why do guys flirt and not follow it up?
Q. Okay here is my situation. There is a great guy at work that I have always liked, and he's always been really nice and friendly to me too. We occasionally work on projects together. We get along and have fun bantering back and forth. However, over ...
A. 19 April 2008: I know, poster. Believe me, I understand what you're going through. I just wrote my comment in that way because I wanted you to feel it would be simple and effortless. If you believe that the road ahead is going to be extremely difficult, you ... (read in full...)
Why do guys flirt and not follow it up?
Q. Okay here is my situation. There is a great guy at work that I have always liked, and he's always been really nice and friendly to me too. We occasionally work on projects together. We get along and have fun bantering back and forth. However, over ...
A. 19 April 2008: Well, at least you're free to date someone who will really put you in the first place, and you're a bit wiser about people who flirt and don't deliver.
Good luck and take care.... (read in full...)
Is she being honest with me?
Q. To make a long story short, I an engaged to be married in March '08 after 2+ years. I am divorced, she's never been married. My fiancee started a new job 5 months ago, and made a male friend at work. They went out September 7, they both got re...
A. 16 October 2007: Gnu, I don't think the "other man" would tell you that he slept with your woman. Of course he had to deny anything happened. You can't expect him to look for trouble. Remember, he is a married man, too. His answer is no good.
Your girl is ... (read in full...)
I found out about her cheating and she says it will never happen again, but can I believe her?
Q. I met my girlfriend over a year ago and found out that cheated on me 11 months in I only found out because I saw her chat log on her computer there was only one and it basically said she preformed a sex act on him. I looked further back and ...
A. 16 October 2007: Poster, you don't need to apologize for the long post. We know it takes long to explain what a person feels.
You have raised a very good question yourself. How can this girl pass from a) "knowing the relationship would be over soon anyways,... (read in full...)
Sufficating my boyfriend.....
Q. I have a slight problem... I've recently been getting to know this guy, who I'm really falling for big time! He's always complimenting me, and is just the sweetest thing =] but I've always had the problem in relationships that I become really cli...
A. 15 October 2007: Dear Clingy, I believe that your problem is that you're a bit insecure about your relationships. If you felt comfident about yourself and the other person's feelings, then you wouldn't need to be so close to him all the time. The problem is a ... (read in full...)
Is she being honest with me?
Q. To make a long story short, I an engaged to be married in March '08 after 2+ years. I am divorced, she's never been married. My fiancee started a new job 5 months ago, and made a male friend at work. They went out September 7, they both got re...
A. 15 October 2007: As to calling the other man's wife, I wouldn't if I were you. That is their relationship, for them to define.
I agree with Dazzerg in that there are issues in this relationship. And, maybe the poster is to blame for this, though my experien... (read in full...)
A birthday card on the first date? What would be appropriate?
Q. I have a first date with a guy and its his birthday. Is a funny bday card appropriate? I don't want to scare him off. Thanks....
A. 15 October 2007: I would very much like to receive a birthday card from the person I am dating, whether it is the first date or any other. However, I'm Latino, and for us a birthday present does not entail the sort of "commitment" it apparently does for Anglos.
... (read in full...)
I fear that my husband will leave me
Q. I am married and my husband likes to search for gays and transvestites in the location we live. We are moving soon and he was searching yesterday for people like that. I have talked to him a month ago and i was ready to leave when i heard about it...
A. 15 October 2007: Your husband knows that his "fantasy", searching for gay and transvestites, hurts you a lot in the real world. He should be concerned about it, but, apparently, he isn't.
You are obviously distressed about his searching, because it implies ... (read in full...)
Is she being honest with me?
Q. To make a long story short, I an engaged to be married in March '08 after 2+ years. I am divorced, she's never been married. My fiancee started a new job 5 months ago, and made a male friend at work. They went out September 7, they both got re...
A. 15 October 2007: I'm afraid she's not honest with you. I couldn't trust her if I were you.
I feel a lot of reservations about her behavior. This is the kind of "borderline" behavior that, at the very least, doesn't contribute to trust between partners. She stay... (read in full...)
Turns out I was the other woman, so I broke it off with him, but now I regret it.
Q. i found out the man i was seeing had another woman and i finished wish him because he wouldn't leave her again (he already left her for someone who then dumped him, twice, then got back with the first woman who he is now with still). I miss him so ...
A. 15 October 2007: If you had stayed with him, just in case, you would have been "the second woman" forever. If you let a person do this to you, the message you send is "I will put up with such treatment". You did the right thing in dumping him.
I don't think he... (read in full...)
I found out about her cheating and she says it will never happen again, but can I believe her?
Q. I met my girlfriend over a year ago and found out that cheated on me 11 months in I only found out because I saw her chat log on her computer there was only one and it basically said she preformed a sex act on him. I looked further back and ...
A. 15 October 2007: I think it would be good if I gave an opinion on the summary of your relationship that you have brought up. Maybe it would help yo to make up your mind whether you stay with her or not.
If I get you right, you met this girl 11 months ago. Sh... (read in full...)
How can I dump him without feeling guilty?
Q. I need urgent help! Follow up to: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/things-are-complicated-im-falling-for-this-new.html This guy has admited to me that he really does care about me. and i reli love him too.. altho loves a strong word for how ...
A. 14 October 2007: I just would like to add another comment, this time to the post by Another One. If you search in this site and look how many men and women are confused about what a "break" means, you will see that asking for "a break" makes a lot of damage. It ... (read in full...)
How can I dump him without feeling guilty?
Q. I need urgent help! Follow up to: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/things-are-complicated-im-falling-for-this-new.html This guy has admited to me that he really does care about me. and i reli love him too.. altho loves a strong word for how ...
A. 13 October 2007: I understand your situation, but I'm afraid I will give you an answer you are not looking for.
I believe that the most basic thing I can do is perhaps help you see where you really stand.
If I understand this correctly, you're not saying that ... (read in full...)
Is tall and short a good mix?
Q. I was just wondering on a few issues and need clarity. First of all how long should a guy last each round before ejaculating? Does is it mean that when your lady's not moaning during sex, you are not man enouugh? Is it true that body height i...
A. 13 October 2007: I'm with Tommy7.... (read in full...)
Is it harsh or unfair of me to ignore him?
Q. Hope someone can help me out in my hurt and confusion. I almost got involved with a married man I know but stopped myself before things got out of hand. There are still some hard feelings...perhaps more on my part. He did lead me on about his mart...
A. 11 October 2007: Ignoring him might lead him to insist for a while. If you cut ties, on the other hand, he'll know exactly where he stands.... (read in full...)
14, Is my height the reason why I can't get a Boyfriend?
Q. I am a freshman, 14 years old, tall (5'8''), brown hair, brown eyes, smart, funny and sorta pretty, people call me pretty sometimes. I have a good personality and i have never had a boyfriend. I don't have that much self-confidence and i am really ...
A. 11 October 2007: Just as RCN said it, it's not your height, but maybe a little insecurity and shyness. I would bet for shyness. Take it easy and things will work out.... (read in full...)
If you love someone, shouldn't you want to hear from them everyday?
Q. i thought if u love someone u always want to hear from them everyday.i love my bf very much so i call him most of the time but he only calls a day after i dont call him.does he love me as much as i do?...
A. 11 October 2007: You might love someone very much and still be honestly busy to return a call every day. Don't worry.... (read in full...)
How do I walk away from the woman I love and loves me?
Q. I love my girlfiend dearly, I want to marry her, and live happily. Alas it isnt going to happen. Our relationship is so volitile, If I say the wrong thing, she breaks it off, If I get upset about anything that she says or does, she breaks it off, If ...
A. 11 October 2007: It will sound very harsh, but, let me give you the sketch of what I would do.
First, I would try hard to make it work. I know you have tried, but I would keep trying, really trying, for some time. As rcn says, she must have issues.
And the... (read in full...)
What do I do? She's pregnant but I don't know if I want this baby.
Q. Im with this great girl who is 3-4 weeks pregnant just found out yesterday she is happy but im not sure if i want this baby at this time. i was married before for 3yrs and we are separated. Lately we have been talking and she is willing to make thi...
A. 11 October 2007: I just need to quote peoriaman: "You've been dating this girl, got her pregnant, now you will have to take responsibility. It is the moraly right thing to do".... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend gay or just not interested in me???
Q. Is my boyfriend gay or just uninterested in me!! I live with my boyfriend of 2 years and i know quite a lot about his past he has been with a guy before and gave him a blow job he had split from his ex who he moved to england with and said he was ...
A. 11 October 2007: I'm with SadieBea and the two anonymous posters. He's gay, he's using you for cover, he doesn't really want a relationship with you, and it would be best for you if you broke up and moved on.... (read in full...)
Do I tell him how I feel?
Q. Last year, when I entered college as a freshman, I met this guy and we hit it off right away. He was from my hometown, but he had a girlfriend (2 years younger) who was still at home. We hung out almost every night, with no sexual contact or even ...
A. 11 October 2007: I'm with Baby Duck.... (read in full...)
Do I need to move on? Does he still love me?
Q. I'm still in love with my ex. We were only together for 10 months but i've never loved anyone as much as i love him. Everyone said how perfect we were together, we were so alike but at the same time we were so different. We lived 144 miles apart an...
A. 11 October 2007: Dear, you need to move on. This is what seems best for you. When he said you just needed time, what he meant was that you'll eventually forget about him.
I suppose you two live in the United States. Maybe there was no way for you two to live ... (read in full...)
How to deal with an awkward unrequited love?
Q. I have a friend, not that close mind you, who I have fancied since I first laid eyes on her (3 years ago.) Recently my feelings toward her have intensified and I've fallen in love with her. However, I have a strong suspicion that she knows half, but ...
A. 11 October 2007: Very often women know more than we men think we let show. Also, people in love always think that they hide their feelings very well, and it's never so. So, though I wouldn't bet on it, I think she has known for a long time how you feel.
The q... (read in full...)
I might be an engineer, but how do I avoid infidelity?
Q. I'm going to be graduating this year with a civil engineering degree. I will probably end up becoming a chartered engineer but i'm in a dilemma. I would like to travel and work but i also would like to et married and have children. But that's t...
A. 10 October 2007: Your question is a little biased, as you're assuming your wife/girlfriend will be the only one to give in to temptation. You will meet a lot of exotic people, many of whom will find you attractive, and you might give in, too.
I've never been in ... (read in full...)
We've traveled the world together and she breaks up with me now because I lied about watching porn! What do I do?
Q. I have been with a girl for almost a year. We traveled the world together, weve been to saudi arabia, italy, greece, everywhere. she broke up with me because i lied about looking at porn. I have never been this depressed what the heck do i do, i ...
A. 10 October 2007: Dear Cupid is a wonderful site in many ways, and learning from other people's experiences is one of them. If you review the site, you'll find that many women are offended by your looking at porn. Many women feel that you won't love them anymore, ... (read in full...)
How come there was such an attraction when he's the opposite of what I like? Love at first sight, does it exist?
Q. I'd like to know if anyone thinks if love/lust at first date happens? I had a first date with someone yesterday, and it was great. We got on as if we'd known each other forever, bearing in mind, i had never met this person before and id only spok...
A. 10 October 2007: There's definitely a lot of attraction here. Lust at first sight, that's for sure. I'm not sure about love at first sight, but you two seem certainly willing to go for this relationship. Why not?... (read in full...)
I'm paranoid guys only want me for one thing.
Q. i want to be seen for myself and not eye candy! hi everyone sorry to just bombarde you with questions but i have a problem again. its like this mmkay, well i think i have a great personality but no matter what i always get told about my butt and all ...
A. 10 October 2007: Amen, rythmandblues2.... (read in full...)
Do I stay with him for the sake of the children, or not?
Q. Hi Please could somebody help??!! I have been married for 12 years and have 2 lovely children. I have been unhappy in my marriage for many years and reached breaking point a few months ago and told my husband I don't love him anymore and wan...
A. 10 October 2007: I wouldn't like to be on your shoes. This is a tough situation. I'm happy to see that you are a thoughtful person by feeling concerned about the children first.
Divorce always affects children. Even grown-up children need to adjust to a new si... (read in full...)
Do I tell him I know I wasn't his first, or just let it go?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and he is the only person I have slept with. However, before we started dating, he was in a relationship with a girl I knew from school, who I have now became good friends with. My boyfriend is ...
A. 9 October 2007: Your friend could be lying. Or he could be. In any case, I think it's best if you let it go. There are more important things to worry about.... (read in full...)
Should I answer the phone and tell her why I don't want to have anything to do with her?
Q. I recently ended my relationship with my now ex of 2 years due to the ridiculous amount of problems that we faced. She was extremely demanding and always threatened to end our relationship if she didn't get her way. She would endlessly compla...
A. 9 October 2007: Yes. You should always take the bull by the horns. Whatever her failures, you owe it to her: give her solid ground to stand on. Tell her why you don't want anything with her. Then, tell her not to contact you, and DON'T ever contact her.... (read in full...)
We were happy until I found out about my fiance's secret affair with my mother.
Q. I just found out that my fiancee who I have been with for 8 years and have a 3 month old son with had an affair with my mother. She told me a couple of days ago, she said that it happened about 2 years ago. A month before he proposed to me actually...
A. 9 October 2007: This is a very difficult question to answer. I will try to do my best.
To help you with your confusion:
Both your fiancée and your mother have behaved in a very, very callous way. I would be a lot angrier than you are now. And yes, I would... (read in full...)
About aids - how do you catch it, what are the consequences, can you be born with it?
Q. im quite young and so not the most experienced person in the world but... how do you catch aids? what are the consequences? can you be born with it? if so how can i tell?...
A. 9 October 2007: Let me praise you for your interest at your age.
In short, you can catch AIDS if you have unprotected sex with someone who is infected (that is, ANY kind of sex without a barrier to prevent the virus from entering your body), if you use the same... (read in full...)
He never called - does he really love me?
Q. I am feeling so hurt and confused. I have grown to love someone that does not love me. He says he does but I don’t think that is the case. We were supposed to meet yesterday but he never called. I ended up calling him twice and sending him a ...
A. 9 October 2007: As to this particular man, he has been rude and uncaring. I wouldn't try to be in touch with him, if I were you. Let him miss out on you.
As to the general pattern of the men who approach you, maybe you have difficulty making yourself understo... (read in full...)
Is he really as busy as he says?
Q. Lately my boyfriend doesnt call me as frequent as he used to sometimes back and when i call him he tells me how busy he is lately. Im starting to have ideas of maybe he's not interested in me an more thuogh he still claims to love me and never break ...
A. 9 October 2007: Sometimes, people are busy indeed. For example, a boyfriend who takes a night course could not call you as much as he used to. But, sometimes people say they are busy as a way to avoid the unpleasant situation of telling someone else that they are ... (read in full...)
Is he suffering from commitment phobia?
Q. After reading up on commitmentphobia I wonder if my ex suffers from this and that is the reason behind our break-up...I'm not sure how much I totally believe in it (versus just not being the right one), but I do think he has some intimacy/commitment ...
A. 9 October 2007: I read your post carefully and what I get from it is that you two did not make a good couple. It seems to me that things were very well for some time, but then your relationship went from bad to worse over time. It didn't happen all of a sudden, ... (read in full...)
I plan to marry again. What is the Catholic stance on this?
Q. I am Catholic, I was married previously in a civil ceremony, but 4yrs into the marriage it was blessed by my Parish Priest. My spouse is deceased (3 yrs ago) I am planning to be remarried, this individual is not Catholic, but is divorced. What do ...
A. 9 October 2007: I'm not sure what you would need to do to be married in the Church. Parishes have different points of view of what should be done when one of the parties is Catholic and the other is not, or what they accept when one of the parties is divorced but ... (read in full...)
Could I be paranoid?
Q. I got a yeast infection and my boyfriend bought a tablet in the pharmacy for me. When I asked how he knew what tablet to buy he said he got advice from the guys in work. I might be paranoid but what guy knows what tablet to buy for a yeast ...
A. 9 October 2007: You're not paranoid. Any tablets you take should be prescribed by a doctor. Go see one.... (read in full...)
She had a one night stand and I'm struggling to accept that. Should I stay or should I go?
Q. Hello, I am flattened by emotions right now and need a little advice. Today I learned that my girlfriend of 6 1/2 years had a one-night stand about 3 months ago. She tells she was wasted and doesn't even remember how it happened. I am very confus...
A. 9 October 2007: I very much understand what you are feeling, poster, and if I were you I would be feeling the exact same thing. Whatever the reason, she cheated on you. You are right in feeling this way.
I am NOT sorry to disagree with other posters by saying t... (read in full...)
Should I call him, or leave him forever?
Q. Could you give me an advice? The man i used to date this year he always hasn't enough time to see me. He usually apologised that he was so much occupied with his work which is true in some point. However, the last time i saw him this weekend he said ...
A. 8 October 2007: Dear Greek, just leave him forever. He just wants to use you.... (read in full...)
She just wants to be friends... Is there anything I can do??
Q. me (17) and my ex girlfriend (15) broke up after 9 mouths and 1 fall out 2 weeks before she split up with me. i foght about spending time with each other. i said to spend one day with her for a specail day but she told me that she whats to go ou...
A. 8 October 2007: Blade633, don't even try to win her back. You don't deserve to be cheated on. The time she supposedly spent with her friends may well be time she spent with this other guy. And, she's avoiding you. But, most of all, she has alraedy said you're ... (read in full...)
Why do guys flirt and not follow it up?
Q. Okay here is my situation. There is a great guy at work that I have always liked, and he's always been really nice and friendly to me too. We occasionally work on projects together. We get along and have fun bantering back and forth. However, over ...
A. 8 October 2007: This is the million dollar question for me. I'm afraid I can't answer that. You're asking how to tell whether his flirting has feelings behind, or not; and that, I think, no one but him can actually tell. The one way to know whether his flirting ... (read in full...)
Four years together and she has never said "I Love You"
Q. My GF won't say she loves me. We have been together 4 years, 3 most recent years living together. We both are divorced, but no baggage from prior marriages. I told her after 3 months that I loved her. She responded that she could not reply ...
A. 8 October 2007: Ariel, the core of Eddy's question is that he wants to know whether the person who shares his bed actually loves him. And he wants the answer to be spontaneous; he doesn't want her to tell him what he wants to hear, but what she really feels. And ... (read in full...)
Four years together and she has never said "I Love You"
Q. My GF won't say she loves me. We have been together 4 years, 3 most recent years living together. We both are divorced, but no baggage from prior marriages. I told her after 3 months that I loved her. She responded that she could not reply ...
A. 8 October 2007: Sir, I think you are getting it somewhat wrong here.
From your post, I understand you have already told your partner you love her. And, you have been repeating it once a month. Some women would find that very infrequent, but, in my humble o... (read in full...)
I've got herpes. How do I tell the guy?
Q. ok, ive just recently been tested and found positive for Herpes Simplex type 1 (genitally) so i know i caught it from oral sex im worried about telling the guy. hes not a boyfriend more of just sex - although have to confess doesnt feel just totally ...
A. 8 October 2007: You mention in your post that you weren't exclusive to each other. I suppose he has other interests, too. If things are this way, no one can demand anything from anyone. But, you need to be very honest with him, and tell him you've got this ... (read in full...)
She won't leave me alone after rejecting me.
Q. When she rejected me, she said she still wanted to be friends and wanted nothing to be awkward, but now i feel that was a lie. I tried for a friendship with her for a few months, and she didn't put any effort into it. I gave up a little more then a ...
A. 8 October 2007: For starters, this girl is no friend of yours. She is simply using you, and, sorry, you're the one letting her walk over you.
There is one thing you can do: tell her to her face that she only comes to you when she needs something, and that you... (read in full...)
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