A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a slight problem...I've recently been getting to know this guy, who I'm really falling for big time! He's always complimenting me, and is just the sweetest thing =]but I've always had the problem in relationships that I become really clingy =/People have told me that he's very clingy in relationships, and although he always makes me feel loved, compared to me he seems quite distant...I'm scared that I'm scaring him off, i can't help asking him to meet me whenever i have free time, or being by his side as much as i can. i think the main reason why my relationships haven't lasted that long is due to my suffocating them..but i think surely they like the attention, i just find it hard to give them some space.Where should i go with this guy to show that I'm really keen, without scaring him off.??thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 I agree with all of these answers, it just sounds like insecurity to me. Guys like to work for what they want...some don't, but a lot of them enjoy a challenge. Don't be so distant that they think you've lost interest, just distant enough that they have to put a little work into it. :)
Take pride in yourself and what an awesome person you are! If he can't see that, maybe it's time to look elsewhere.
-masq
A
female
reader, Anna_McVann +, writes (16 October 2007):
 Respecting each others space is a big factor in a realtionship, what you should try and do is set dates ahead of time insted of spur of the moments (If that is the case) if not, then perhaps working on independant skills are in order.
Try spending some time by yourself, find things you love to do and boraden the beauty of it.
If you smother a guy, (although some enjoy it) they'll get annoyed by it, I sa this out of expierence. The best thing is to do is what the other people who responded should do. Give him some space.
I highly suggest you do try working on your independant and trust skills. If you do that you'll later in the furture have much better and stronger realtionships.
In solitary,
Anna
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A
female
reader, Charmayne  +, writes (15 October 2007):
Hi Anon~
wow, you appear to know yourself- well done.
Have you ever read Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars? It gives some insight into the male psyche. Mostly, guys are like rubber bands, they like to stretch (take space), and if your in their ear, it could be that they will not feel that there needs are being heard, respected and valued.
Yes, guys love attention as much as we do - when the time is right for them.
I would like you to think about how YOU are feeling when you ask you boi to spend time with you. Are you lonely? bored? sad? really happy and wanting to share that with him? No one likes to be used, and if you are wanting time with him because you don't like spending time with yourself, then...
Write up a list of your interests, and what you want to do by the time you are 20. Then get to doing! He will delight in all the interesting stuff you have to talk about, and if he doesn't, then maybe he doesn't respect your right to time out to yourself.
btw. my special friend did not contact me for a whole week! when he first went away. then doted on me the entire time i went to visit. again for two and half weeks barely a text or two, then an hours worth of conversation on the phone late one night.
let them stretch. do some stretching yourself (i go to a movie, take myself to dinner, day at the beach in another town, started a blog and a herb garden, hopefully will find a bollywood dance class this week!)
hope this helps,
talk anytime
char
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 October 2007):
 Dear Clingy, I believe that your problem is that you're a bit insecure about your relationships. If you felt comfident about yourself and the other person's feelings, then you wouldn't need to be so close to him all the time. The problem is a little self-control. Do call him and show your affection, but try to control yourself consciously. For example, suppose you used to send him five texts a day; send one, slightly longer than the ones you usually sent. And then restrain yourself.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): I think you should tell him that you are quite insecure, and if he doesn't want to see you as much as you'd like then there will be no hard feelings if he says no.
I have the same problem - Needy, insecure. Me & my boyfriend broke up for like a week almost 2. We still saw each other and talked. We've been together over 2 and a half years. He actually said on the phone he never wanted to speak/see me again and I accepted and then 15 minutes later he rang back and said he was Sorry & what did I want to talk about? That's the first time I've EVER accepted maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore, and it was HIM that came back to me :).
Since then I've given him space and just said 'Should I come over today?' And if he's going out with his friends that's upto him and I'll totter off and do something else. Him deciding to ring me, and make plans with me has basically made me feel alot more secure. I'm really glad I have him and just try your best to think positive, if you explain to him the problem he can probably help you overcome it. I'm scared of my boyfriend cheating on me & not being good enough, but if it's going to happen it will happen and I can't stop it. I could never imagine him doing that to me though - he's just not that kind of person.
I'm 17 as well. And to me it already sounds like you have a good one, he does sound like a nice boy from your post. Good Luck! I hope you two can solve your problem ;).
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