A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and my husband likes to search for gays and transvestites in the location we live. We are moving soon and he was searching yesterday for people like that. I have talked to him a month ago and i was ready to leave when i heard about it, but he was begging me to give him another chance as he had not met anyone since we have been together and that was only his fantasy. I asked him, if that is only fantasy why do you search for a specific location, and he said it is the accessibility factor. He promised me he will not search anymore for those things but as i said he did it yesterday again. I really have sacrificed a lot for this relationship. I left my country to come with him, i left everything and now he says he is addicted to those fantasies because of watching porn all his life. Please give me an opinion. I don't want to make a big deal out of a fantasy but I can't stay with the fear that some day my husband will leave me for someone else.
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): im sorry u need someone who can love u 100% u should be his fantasy,period! my husband is gay, he has told me, and told me about his gay fantasies...we never kissed and he never touched me....that it not what a marriage should be about,he should adore u....LEAVE HIM...it is his problem and you'll end up psychologically messed up because of it. there is someone out there who can make u happy and you can make him happy. i was married for 14 months, been with him for 24 months...i just saw the signs early on....i hope it all works out...
A
male
reader, monsieurlepoof  +, writes (20 October 2007):
 Your husband is gay (or at least bisexual). There is nothing he or you can do about it! If you prohibit him from making these gay contacts, he will do it behind your back. Maybe not now; because he loves you, he will control himself. But for how long? even if he doesn't contact men behind your back, will you believe him? I bet you can't. Live with it or don't live with it. If you're homophobic or jealous and can't accept him for who and what he is, you should leave him today and no longer torture the both of you.
It can be different you know. Widen your horizon. His friend might become your best mate, it happened to a female friend of mine. Her life completely changed. She says she never had as much fun shopping, going to the hairdresser, gossiping etc. as she has now with her husbands ex-boyfriends. Yes, plural; he won't stick to them ever! He really loves her, you see.
Good luck to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (15 October 2007):
 hi
I am sorry to hear that your husband is hurting you in such a cruel manner, the main reason i find why people stay together is trust,truth and loyalty,regretfully he has broken all these vows by looking for gay and transvestites, by his actions he is in fact cheating on you, if he find one of these people does it mean he will leave you and move in with them ? even if he has a relationship with one of the people he find then he is cheating on you, i do not think this relationship is doing you any good, it is giving you pain and needless worry, i cannot tell you what to do of course, but i believe you would be happier with some one who loves and cares for you, rather than being in this horrific relationship.
hope this helps you
good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 October 2007):
 Your husband knows that his "fantasy", searching for gay and transvestites, hurts you a lot in the real world. He should be concerned about it, but, apparently, he isn't.
You are obviously distressed about his searching, because it implies a bisexual interest you don't share. And, it implies the possibility that he might cheat on you with a gay or transvestite. With all due respect to the people of those sexual orientations, that would be cheating. He is not concerned about it. He wants you to put up with it.
Apparently he has watched gay and transvestite porn all of his life. So, this isn't a recent interest; he had it before he married you. And it's a very poor excuse for his behavior: "I know this hurts you, but I have been doing this all of my life, so put up with it".
Frankly, I don't believe he has kept his searching at the "fantasy" level. If it were, he wouldn't mind where the gay or transvestite person lived; but he does, and his reason for it is "accesibility". So, he wants to have acess to them? If he has kept his "fantasy" at the "fantasy" level, there is the possibility that he won't keep it at that level in the future. When I was a teenager I had the fantasy of sleeping with women, and I have been to "Fantasy Island" many times.
I think you should think very carefully whether you could sustain a relationship with him even if he might, eventually, have a relationship with gays or transvestites.
Whatever your decision, let me sympathize with you. Take care. You know where to find us if you need us.
...............................
|
