A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im with this great girl who is 3-4 weeks pregnant just found out yesterday she is happy but im not sure if i want this baby at this time. i was married before for 3yrs and we are separated.Lately we have been talking and she is willing to make things workout. im just confused and dont know what to do can anyone give me advice Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BadAsh6705 +, writes (26 November 2007):
 Well, if you feel like you don't want to have a child right now I guess you can talk to the woman who is pregnant about it, but I think you need to ask yourself if you feel this way because you want your marriage to work out later. You can't run away from this situation simply because the ex is coming back around. Chances are if she is excited about being pregnant, it will really hurt her to hear that you don't want the baby. Honestly in this situation, I would say that you have to "man up" and deal with the consequences. Also, it's probably not the best time to reconcile with your wife. If that is what you really want and you don't feel like things are going to work with your current relationship, you should let her know that, but be there for her and be supportive during the pregnancy and at least be a good father. Maybe things can still work out with your wife after the pregnancy and your relationship with that woman is over, but right now she needs you to be there for her.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 I just need to quote peoriaman: "You've been dating this girl, got her pregnant, now you will have to take responsibility. It is the moraly right thing to do".
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A
female
reader, beauty585 +, writes (11 October 2007):
 i say you keep the baby bcuz its only right...dont ruin the baby jus bcuz of this..u have a responsibility now dont take it out on the baby!!
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A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Regardless of whether you decide to marry the mother, you have responsibilities to the child. Marriage protects the child as well as the mother.
Stay in the mother's life right now. See how you feel about marriage. If you're not comfortable marrying her, then don't. The last thing you need to model to the child is how relationships AREN'T supposed to go.
However, either way, you should see a lawyer. To either (1) divorce the wife you're separated from so that you can marry this woman (get a pre-nup while you're there), or (2) make sure that your child has the legal rights s/he would have had if you were married to it's mother.
It's step-up time here. Prove you're a man and take care of the baby. Good luck, man.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (10 October 2007):
You need to do everything you can for the best interests of the child. You shouldn't be focusing on poor "you."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): Well, I'm sorry to be so blount, but it's not your choice. She is the one who has the baby in her womb, not you. She is the one who will carry this baby for 9 months and give birth, if SHE choses. She is the one who will have to deal with the mental and physical pain that comes with an abortion. If you try to force her to have an abortion against her will and she does, chances are she will eventually take her pain out on you. (Trust me, I'm speaking from experience). You can choose whether or not you want to be in this childs life, but that's really the only choice you have at this point. No offense, but maybe you should ask yourself that question before you have unprotected sex. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): If you leave her, or if you don't marry her & she is on Medicaid...after you have the baby the court will come after you to pay for the birthing costs which are around $4,000.00 and you will have to pay child support, and a "filing fee" that the courts charge the illegitimate father for the courts having to go after you for this money. Also if you do not sign the birth certificate at the hospital, the courts will come after the mother to find out who you are, then when they find out, you will be given a court ordered paternity test, all paid by you! Courts are not lenient with dead beat dads, trust me. I have a 6 month old and my child's father supports us in his own home & just b/c we weren't married at the time of the baby's birth, they put him through all kinds of hell. I think you should be there for her & your child & marry her. Do what is right. The world has enough illegitimate children..and it is always hard in the beginning, you're probably still in shock. My husband was like that when I told him I was pregnant...but as time goes on, you'll start to feel your baby move, kick, you'll see the ultrasound, get to pick names out, etc..you'll get excited. And when you see that baby for the 1st time, your heart will fill with love and you'll wonder what you were ever worried about. Please don't try to convince her into abortion. I have had one & it causes so many scars, life time scars for you & the mother..all the what if's..when the baby would have turned 1 year old, etc. Just do what is right.
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