A
female
age
36-40,
*oftandgentle
writes:ok, ive just recently been tested and found positive for Herpes Simplex type 1 (genitally) so i know i caught it from oral sex im worried about telling the guy. hes not a boyfriend more of just sex - although have to confess doesnt feel just totally casual, he is a really decent guy and really sweet etc, im not sure how he will take it or even how i should tell him! hes away working for i dont know how long but im sure he will want to meet up again when he gets back. what should i do? would appreciate a guys opinion in this is he likely to never want to see me again??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, nicolexue  +, writes (11 January 2008):
 tell the guy the true. Don't infect someone else. or you can dating some one at STDromance site
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): ok. So it feels from every word written that you have expectations about him. it is pretty obvious to me you would like to make some kind of relationship with him. Now, since sex is the most important thing you share you are affraid when it's off you might lose him... Also another fear you have is that he might think bad of you for chnaging partners? this all makes you insicure and uncomfortable...
It is time for you to move into intimacy zone... Try to spend more time with him doing something else When the sex pops up just tell him the true, but be cool and act about that like it's a flue. Also go on with dry sex and masturbation until its gone. when he sees you are secure in yourself and in what you want he will have patience for you. Good luck sis!
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A
female
reader, Pinkbees09 +, writes (8 October 2007):
 Exactly just keep thinking that its his loss not yours. And to be safe ask him to get tested too.
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A
female
reader, softandgentle +, writes (8 October 2007):
softandgentle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all, course i will tell him! dont think the idea of not even entered my head! i would totally hate for anyone not to tell me. just not sure how he'll take it although thanks you all made me feel like isnt such a big deal as it feels an if he doesnt take it well then ah well his loss! thanks!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): i caught genital warts from my ex who was sleeping around
(I didn't know til we finished that he was cheating.)
i was so so embarrassed, it took 3 months to get rid of them, anyway at the time i was getting them treated i met a lovely man, we kissed and cuddled but when he tried to go further i used to make excuses to leave so i could avoid him finding out about my infection.
as time went on i felt comfortable talking to him and was falling in love with him and told him about the warts, he was upset for me but he told me he loved me and he even took me to the hospital for check ups.
you need to tell people if you are going to sleep with them, how would you like it if you weren't told.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): i think u shud tell him,here i dont wanna say more just tell u a true experience happened to one of my friends on positivesingles.com,he just didn't tell his gf that he has herpes,then his gf killed herself in order to punish him.u know he loved her so much,it is so sad
so tell him honestly,u will be ok even he leaves u
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): i think u shud tell him,honestly,if u like him u shud tell him,if u love him,more important 4 u 2 tell him.i know many herpes patients on positivesingles.com,some of them got married with normal person just coz they a honest enough,n they together discuss the way to solve the problem,then there is happiness.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 You mention in your post that you weren't exclusive to each other. I suppose he has other interests, too. If things are this way, no one can demand anything from anyone. But, you need to be very honest with him, and tell him you've got this disease. If he knows he can be infected, he can take care of himself, and he can let his other partners know about the disease. You need to be responsible and tell him, right now. If I were him, I would appreciate the honest truth; your keeping this in silence WOULD make me not want to see you.
And, bear in mind that this is a disease, just like any other. It doesn't make you bad or anything.
I suppose your doctor has told you what to do?
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A
female
reader, Pinkbees09 +, writes (8 October 2007):
I think you should tell him so then you both can be more careful when having sex. Maybe tell him to get tested as well to see if you got it from him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): This might be simple - or difficult, depending on who it was that gave you oral sex whilst suffering from a cold sore.
If it's your sex friend then just tell him you caught it from him.
If it was someone else you might have a bit of explaining to do, but if you're not exactly exclusive to one another this is the sort of risk that you both take when with other people, and it will be a case of 'There but for the grace of God go I'
Best of luck!
Phil
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