A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I really don't know whether to stay with my boyfriend. We're in a fairly long distance relationship, about four hours away, so it's not easy seeing each other. At first it was fine because we'd text and skype all the time, but recently things have changed. He doesn't text me as much and he's always out with his friends. I understand that he wants to spend time with them but it's all the time. He wont text me for hours, which is a big change from how it used to be and we haven't skyped for over a month as he's always too busy. He seems really distant and I'm just worried he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I've brought it up a few times and he insists that he still loves me and will try harder but there's never any change. I always ask to see him and meet up but he says he can't because he's not got the money. I love him, I really do, but he's hurting me. I can't imagine not being with him but I can't carry on like this. Should I end it?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Oh I agree that LDRs can work but there are some things that need to be in place to make them work and teens do not have those things...
1. time to visit (school, chores, part time work, family obligations etc all impact on these things)
2. MONEY (LDRS cost more due to travel expense) when my hubby and I were dating and a mere 2 hour drive apart, it would cost me around 60 dollars to get up and back to him over the weekend... that was just gas and tolls not even wear and tear on the car)
they also require honesty (teens can do this) trust (teens can do this) and commitment (teens may be able to do this)
there also needs to be a plan to end the distance which is not happening for you for at least 4 years.
LDRs in my experience can stay LDRS for two years or so before they must become real life relationships in the here and now... teens rarely can make that happen timely.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-my-long-distance-relationship-worth-it.html is something I wrote on LDRs.
we made it a year being 2 hours apart with cars and time and money before he broke his lease, gave up his job and his apartment and moved to be with me.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 September 2014):
 Eh... LDRs are hard to maintain in best case scenario, and at 16, it's sort of " forget about it ".
You don't have the money, the time, and the freedom to go visit each other reasonably often, it's all WORDS, basically. You can't close the gap within a reasonable time frame ( couple of years ,let's say ). It gets lonely, boring , frustrating, unfulfilling without the physical presence to reignite rhe spark and refresh the relationship. Plus, at your bf's age ,peer pressure, and the desire for companionship and entertainment, are strong and may be superior to that for romance.
No he does not want to leave you, I'd bet that he 'd like to keep the current status quo : the security of having a loving caring gf 4 hours away, and the time and freedom to
live his life at his ( and his buddies's ) rythm.
Yes, seen your age, you should be brave and end it, if you can't adjust. He promises changes that never happen ( to shut you up ) , and in the meantime you are hurting and " can't carry on like that ". So, if you can't- don't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much. I guess I always knew there was probably something else going on but I just didnt want to believe it. I know now that the best thing to do is probably to end it. Again thanks for all the advice!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): I dont believe in ldr relationship. I dont see the point neither the sense of getting involve with someone so far.It will really make you crazy. To me if his not making any effort to work things out it only means his no longer interested. I also have a suspicion that maybe, just maybe he found someone else.Possibly he really did. Why the sudden change. He might have an explanation but lets face it. Its unacceptable.If you want to be with someone or spend time with someone no matter what happen. U will have the Time and Money.Simply because your in love. People do crazy things when they sincerely love someone.If his not doing it. It only means his not as crazy as what you are to him.Sometimes u dont even need to know why.Silence means a thousand words. If i were you, i will stay away n give him peace. Unending silence and just go on with your life. Sometimes the best closure is not having any closure at all.One day you will definitely meet someone else. Someone better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): Now you have to decide if you're ready to move on.
You can't spend all your time waiting and worrying about when you're going to hear from him. This is where you have to be strong and grow-up a little. Make a decision for yourself.
Sometimes YOU have to make the choice between letting someone string you along and hurting you; or putting an end to it. You're both really too young for the stress of an LDR.
He might be avoiding trying to tell you that he can't keep up his end of the LDR. Maybe trying not to hurt your feelings, or trying to keep you from talking to other boys.
I think you read DC enough to know how very hard an LDR can be. Not just for you, but for most people. Even people a lot older than you are.
You have to protect your heart and your feelings. It might be up to you to decide that this is just too much. Hanging on just because a boy "says" he loves you, will keep you hanging on forever. You just can't do that. Boys tell you what you want to hear, if it keeps you off their backs.
While they do what the want to do.
I'm so sorry, my dear. You have to be the one to protect your own feelings. If you don't hear from a boy, or they just slack off. You have to take that as a sign they've met someone else, or they don't want a relationship anymore.
Telling you they love isn't enough. They have to prove it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 September 2014):
 You should tell him you understand it's hard to carry on a relationship over skype and phone, but if he's being scarce to you then you no longer feel like you are in a relationship. If he wants to cut it off then he can say so, and then you would say to him thanks for letting you go. If he has a heart to keep this going on, then you appreciate him just dropping you messages throughout the day how he's been. A college program is 4 years. You can do it and tell yourself you don't have to become another statistic of a failed LDR. When you are apart all you have to do is being true to him and keep temptations at bay. You expect the same from him. You just want honesty. You set a standard on how often he contacts you, and if he doesn't contact you within x amount of time, then you assume he wants to break it off and you won't reply him even if he chooses to do so at a much later time.
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