A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Many people around me work and outside it,are called, nice, beautiful and amazing people, witty, special etc etc, people smile when they enter a room. My younger sister is loved by most, people love her and her family.I get it they are, im happy for them.Im an ok and good person too, I try, I am genuine and not all ego, Im not nasty, I try, am quieter and not naturally " witty" but have never been called that, its sad, im not ever thought of like that.I feel envious and like i try for nothing..what do they do? im friendly too, i deserve to be wanted, feel useless and irrelevant. My social network is small. Im a single gay female, unnoticed by all.So sick of reading on social media and hearing at work and socially, how amazing and important people I know are, my beautiful sister and sis in law, my witty work colleague loved by all but who largely ignores me, though Im akways nice to her, my popular brother or loved friend. my family live interstate, I hardly see them, its all FB etc.Feel so useless and like I try and get nowhere, unnoticed and so not important, is it wrong to want to feel important to someone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2014): I think it might be helpful to you if you took a "technology break". That is when you abstain from all social media for a set period of time, and just connect with real people face to face in the real world. Facebook will only show the things others want you to see, so of course only show the great and happy side of anyone on there, not the crummy stuff or mean things they may do. Take a month off please!
I think you are a kind, caring, normal person just like most everyone else. What kind of things do you like to do, or are you good at? Do you have any special skills or talents that you could use to help others? I know it made me feel very good and useful when I volunteered for a couple years during tax time at a VITA site. They use volunteers to prepare tax returns for low income Americans for free, and since I had an accounting degree I thought I could help. Even if the person there didn't thank me (which I don't think ever happened) I felt rewarded by saving them the couple hundred dollars they would have to pay to an H&R block or such, which they really could not afford. Also, it was exciting for me when the person I was helping gave a happy reaction when they would see how much of a refund they might get.
I hope you can try to find something like where you can use your own talents, so that you can see first hand that you are liked and appreciated by others.
Also, just because people arn't telling you every day how special or great you are, doesn't mean one or two of them aren't thinking it at some point each day! Don't be so hard on yourself.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 September 2014):
 I don't recall ever seeing or reading that anybody claimed that Mother Teresa was beautiful or witty..... But, she was both......
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2014):
 I'll start with a lame observation- for being appreciated for beauty, you need to be beautiful, and for being appreciated for your wit, you need to be witty.
As you have stated yourself, not everybody in the world can be beautiful or witty.
You can only work with what you have , and being appreciated for what you have.
But that is a problem just if you feel that ONLY being beautiful or witty is important.
There are lots of other things too that are important, even more- and are appreciated too, although maybe in a less flashy , showy, all out way than physical beauty , or a rapier wit ( then again... I would not put that much stock on Facebook ... Facebook is a like a window shop, it is exactly just for display... and what do you display ?.. exactly the most colorfoul, eye catching goods,... which aren't necessarily the best qualty.... ).
You have things too that are important, and they ARE appreciated, I bet, - although not publicly applauded.
You are good, you are genuine, you are nice, you aren't all ego- and who knows how many other good qualities. I amm sure they are appreciated by everybody you let them see to - how could they fail to do it ?. If something is good and feels good , people appreciate it. The problem might be that you have a small(er ) social circle, so you have less ( than average ) people to see the good that there's in you. Personally I would not think that's a big problem either, unless you were pathologically reclusive, some people are quite content with less social interaction. But perhaps , if you want more positive feedback, you have to branch out and give MORE people the chance to know the real you and appreciate it.
Nothing you do or have or give of yourself is ever UNimportant. I suppose you complain that's not important enough to get the public, noisy accolade. I'd say it's like the Oscar Awards ceremony, when the winners give their " thanks to the little people " speech. Which for once is not just Hollywood BS, it's true. The ONE who gets the big applause is best female lead, or best director etc... - but without the technicians, the make up artists, the camera crew, the costumists, etc.etc.- the movie could not even be made , could not even come out in theatres and give so many beautiful, memorable moments to the audiences.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2014): You're not wrong. We all want to feel important and noticed. It's part of being human. Since you know what it feels like to not be noticed and acknowledged, acknowledge and notice people who don't normally get noticed as you go about your day. When someone does a good job, do mention it. Say hello to the cashier when you're checking out at the grocery store. Be kind when you interact with people, even the mean ones. You shouldn't be kind so that people will notice you. Notice others because you care and know exactly what it feels like not to be noticed. Chat with folks you wouldn't normally chat with.
What's going to happen is people will start noticing that you're different. And you'll become very important to them :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2014): It's more rewarding to be genuine. Recognized for good character and humble acts of heroism and kindness. Not really needing to be exalted or expecting applause. Recognition may come easier to the high achievers or publicity hounds. The people who deserve it most, want it the least. Facebook is nothing but hype. People give likes to absolutely absurd crap!
Your focus is on the praise, and not what people actually give of themselves to earn it. What it is that people see and are willing to acknowledge or recognize as achievement. It comes from dedication and hard work. Giving it everything you've got.
Maybe you should change your perspective. How about the self-reward knowing you made someone smile, made someone's day, and improved their their lives. It may seem small, but it's huge to the person who needed it.
If you do things that go unnoticed; it is because you do it to feel important, or for a pat on the back. Not because it was a good thing to do.
If you don't get the reaction you wanted, maybe it just wasn't good enough. If you put your heart and soul into it,
it doesn't go unnoticed.
Before anyone can like you, you have to like yourself.
Your attitude is the projection of the person inside.
People read the body-language, moods, sarcasm, enthusiasm, and insecurity you throw at them. If you have to force yourself to be nice they see through it. If you make an effort to draw attention to yourself, that's all it looks like. An act or contrived. Seeking attention.
Some people are born with a natural charisma that draws attention to them. Some people do wonderful things that changes the lives of others. Some people do nothing and they just get popular for nothing, like the Kardashians.
You want to make a mark for yourself, do something to change the lives of others. If you do it from your heart, your reward comes from just doing something good. Not the praise and feeling "important."
I think you're so absorbed in jealousy and unwillingness to be happy for anyone else; you poison everything good coming your way. If you don't get what everyone else gets; then do something better. Just liking yourself will change things a lot.
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