A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My dad die when i was ten, and for 2 years it was just me and mum. I still miss my dad. Mum made a new friend Dave, he is okay actually and i get along great with him. After a while we all started holidaying together and then Dave moved in with us. He is a nice guy and i like him a lot, mum smiles more. Anyway they got married, wedding was nice and all family and friends turn up it was a really nice day. The honeymoon was fun and we all had a great time. When we got home things went back to normal except there are 3 of us now. There is only one problem Dave wants me to start calling him dad and they are discussing changing my name. I am not happy calling him dad and i do not want my name changed. They have both told me that it is up to me if i called dave dad but they are going ahead and changing my name. I just told them i wont answer to that name and i will never write it as my name. Can they really change my name, they never mentioned anything about changing my name before the wedding.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 September 2014):
 I'm not sure on the legal side of your question, but other Aunties have explained that.
When you turn 16 if you DO NOT want Dave's last name - go change it back. (or you can wait til 18). I would however sit your MOM down alone and tell her that you are HAPPY for her that she found Dave and that you APPRECIATE that they want to include you 100% by giving you Dave's last name, but that you RATHER keep your Dad's name because it makes you feel you have a bit of him with you all the time. Maybe then your mom can understand that you aren't just being obstinate. If she tells you that you will have Dave's last name and that is final, then just wait til you are 16-18.
Whichever last name you have, you Dad will always be with you. Half your genes came from your dad, so you LITERALLY carry him with you always. Remember that.
And for not wanting to call Dave Dad. I think it's fair enough. I certainly wouldn't call a step parent dad/mom unless *I* chose to. So I'd talk to Dave and tell him that you are happy for him and your mom, but you are not ready or able to call him Dad, he will be Dave to you. He can take it or leave it.
It will be OK. I think if you open up and talk to your mom and later stepdad, they might understand WHY you feel the way you do, and maybe THEY will explain why they feel the need to change your name. My guess is so you ALL have the same name. So you don't feel left out of the "family unity".
chin up.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2014):
 Yes she can. In Uk , if you are under 16 , your consent does not have to be given for your name to be changed.
However, if you object to the change, you can apply for a court order to prevent hhe change, provided that the court is satisfied that you have sufficient understanding of what is involved.
If I were you, I would not kick up such a fuss . " What's in a name, " etc. Your dad will always be your dad and will always be in your heart, even if your legal name should turn from Jones to Fotheringay-Phipps . Plus, as soon as you are 16, you can have it changed back to the original.
AS for calling Dave " dad " - simple, just don't. Tell him, nicely, " thanks but no thanks Dave, I like you and I am glad you married mom and all,.. but " dad " for me is another person ". If he is not a real oaf, he should understand . And if he does not understand, too bad for him ; what can he do about it, beat you to a pulp until you accept to call him dad ?!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2014): I think I would write them a letter because that way no one can start to get annoyed or emotional as you can just leave it out for them to read.I would start by saying that you love having Dave in the family but your Dad will always be your Dad and you will miss him forever - because of this you you can't call someone else Dad or change your name. That is what you have left to remember him, you know Dave will be a good father figure to you and you are grateful and look forward to being a family together. You could then just re-iterate that you can't replace your Dad and it feels like you are being asked to forget him by calling someone else Dad, or changing your name. Reassure them both that just because they will have the same name and you wont, that it doesn't make you in any way feel left out and that you want them both to be happy and you want all three of you to enjoy being a family just how things are and always have been.I'd put pen to paper and leave it out for them somewhere, or pop it on a table and say "mum, Dave. I've left you just a little letter out for you both - please could you read it it's on..."If your mum is adamant she is changing your name, I would go to a teacher at school and tell them all about this and ask if you can get some help. It may take your mum being called into the school to discuss it to realise she is being very selfish asking you to move on so quickly. Good on you for sticking up for yourself. Parents I must say do not always get things right, and this is one of those times xx take care xx
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 September 2014):
 The name you are born with and grow up using is a real part of your identity and I can understand why you feel so upset.
On reading the process it does look as if it is very simple to change a name in the United Kingdom, and cheap. Many country have a more expensive process, when it comes to changing names.
http://www.thelegaldeedpollservice.org.uk/180/can-i-change-my-childs-name#.VBVUlfldVKY
In the UK there are two ways to change the name and that is:
(1) by Deed Poll
(2) by a Court Order.
If Deed Poll then your mother can do this.
But it would be very wrong of your mother to change your name if you are strongly opposed to the change. Especially the change of your surname. That surname is your link to your father.
But once you reach the age of 16 your mother cannot change your name by Deed Poll in the UK.
And once you reach 16 only you are legally entitled to change your name.
If your name is changed before you are 16 and you are not happy about it you can change it back when you turn 16.
Perhaps ask your mother to allow you time to think about the idea and for you to be able to make a decision about any change after you turn 16.
If by a Court Order then the Court would take your views into account. A Court Order is more expensive process to change a name.
http://www.deedpoll.org.uk/CanIChangeMyChildsName.html#Section11
I see nothing wrong with you continuing to call him Dave. He is not your birth father and he is not your biological father.
Is your mother considering options to have you legally adopted by Dave?
Due to your bond with your father I would think that a cruel option to try to change your given names.
Does your mother permit regular visits to your father's relatives?
Or regular phone or electronic contacts with your father's side of the family? Could you talk over this proposed change with your father's family and see if one of them will advocate on your behalf and speak to your mother?
If your mother is also considering legal adoption of you by Dave then the court would definitely consult you. Then you can make your views clear to the Court.
I am perplexed about why it is so important to your mother to change your name. Surely she wants to encourage you to remember the good times you had with your father.
And especially as she knows you had a good relationship with your father.
What is being proposed should be for your benefit. Changing a name is a big step. If this is for some other reason then it is best that your mother and Dave come clean and explain to you why this is so important to them, despite your opposition.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 September 2014):
 As both your Mum and Dave seem okay about you choosing not to call him 'Dad" I would just continue calling him Dave, and if they question or ask, simply tell them you are not ready yet. I doubt they will push it, but if they do, tell a school teacher, school social worker or counsellor that you are being pressured at home. Okay, I don't think they will push, but there is a small chance I have read the tone of your question wrong, that they might push it.
I've done a few quick google searches. Your mum can't change your name by deed poll unless the courts are happy that you are agreeable to the change. Okay. If their plan is for Dave to adopt you, and change your name to his, a social worker will be involved and you cant tell the social worker you don't want to change your name.
When your Dad died Mum may have felt it was the end of the world, for both you and her. Now she has met Dave, and from what you have said, he seems a nice enough bloke, and she is in love and married again, and happy. She may be trying to make sure you too are wrapped in the warm rosy glow she is, now that her life has taken a turn for the better. Have you tried talking to her on your own about how you feel about not keeping your Dad's name? Some one on one time might help. Also, if you have a Granny or other relative from your Dad's side who might be willing to calmly (we don't want to stir up a hornet's nest) put your side to Mum and Dave.
And as others have already said, if you find you can't talk about it, or feel pressured into changing your name, don't stress too much because in not too many years, as soon as you turn 18 in fact, you can change it back again, think of it as the first present you can give yourself as an adult.
I hope you all continue to be happy and have fun as you had on the honeymoon. I can understand why you are feeling a little concerned and pressured, but I think it will all work out okay in the end.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 September 2014):
 I actually dont know if they can change your name without your conscent, I suggest you try and google it or ask a teacher at yoour school for advice. But I do know this: once you become an adult in the eyes of the law, you can change it back!
Dont call him dad when you dont want to. You need to follow your heart on this. I think they are being unfair to you, and should just respect that you dont want your name changed and dont want to call him dad. But dome times, adults can be real stupid about how they treat their children. They dont always know best or make the right decisions, but you still got to do what they say. Just know that you have people who are on your side, even if right now your mom might not listen to you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 September 2014):
 First of all, I am so terribly sorry about you losing your dad. I lost my dad a year ago, and there is a lot I do to honor him and his memory. I can never in this life call anyone else Dad, and I miss him more today than I did the day he died.
I have good news, and I have bad news.
I'll start with the bad news first. Unfortunately, it is possible that she can change your last name. The courts would hear you and take into affect your wishes, but your mom's wishes are the primary factor they would weigh in. Since your dad is not here to object, she would have primary decision rights. Dave would NOT have decision rights in the court.
Now, the good news. When you come of age, YOU can change your name, and your mom has not the slightest bearing on your wishes. You could change your name to Muffincake The Jedi Master and have every right to do so. So, in effect, whatever your mom does would be 100% temporary.
Sit your mom down and show her your heart. Tell her that you miss your father terribly, and it means your soul to be able to honor him as your father's son. Tell her that you like Dave, but you can only call him Dave. Tell her that you have a father, though he is no longer with you.
If you are unsuccessful at convincing your mom, then bide your time. Nothing and no one can take your father's blood from your veins, and when you are of age, you can reclaim his name...nothing can ever take it from your heart.
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