A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hi I this will be a pretty long winded post so please bare with me. :) I have been seeing a guy for the past 4 months now. This is the longest I have been involved with a guy since my first ever boyfriend I was with for almost 2 years.The guy i am seeing (an) is so lovely i do get the feeling he really cares about me how I feel my wellbeing etc, he asks about my life asks how my days been we speak every day that kind of thing. The thing is I have absolutely no idea where we're going if we're together if we will ever be together what his intentions are, I'm too scared to just come out with it and ask him i don't want to seem desperate. I know not everyone sees every person they date as long term but I do I don't just date people for the fun of it if I'm seeing someone I see potential. I have met a few of his friends and family not intentionally. He's pretty affectionate I really feel the connection we have isn't just sex. Now here's where it gets really messy, in the past 4 months I've had a few other guys wanting to get to know me the majority I've just said I have a boyfriend but two I have really liked, obviously if I was his girlfriend there would have been no way I would have even thought about getting to know these other two. The first one (aw) was in the first two months of us seeing each other I met him at work he didn't know about the other guy until I realized he liked me and I eventually grew some balls to tell him, however I did kind of carry on speaking to him and meeting up with him just as friends but I felt terrible in the end (an) told me he was going out that night I didn't fancy staying in on a Saturday (aw) asked me to go clubbing with him and his friends I took some persuading and went with no idea I would bump into (an) I then went home with (an) and sent (aw) a huge text the next morning apologizing and telling him it had to stop. Now it's happening all over again :( I've met someone through my friends partner he is lovely and basically said he wants me to be his girlfriend. I feel like I'm in such a predicament because (aw) was the exact same they've both said he is mad for not making it official, please help me? Is he just taking things slow or am I being messed around?
View related questions:
at work, clubbing, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (12 June 2016):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know you're right, my friends have said I need to ask him they've been saying it ever since I started seeing him. I just have no idea what to say or how to bring it up. This has kind of happened to me before with a guy I'd been seeing on and off for the past year and a half his dad had just died which I understand, but now I'm gone he suddenly wants me too, not that I really believe him, as every time I asked him where we was going all he said was "you just think we're going to get married" haha! Which was obviously not where I was going I just think he had commitment issues. I'm scared this guy is going to think the same. I completely agree with you on the casual sex thing I think two people should make it clear to eachother at the beginning If that is what they both want.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 I think you should talk to an ,and ask him what's the plan. 4 months is not so terribly early to ask, it would not sound desperate. He might not want the same as you do, but I think yours would be a legitimate question anyway, not a desperate one. Plus, it does not really matter if he thinks you are desperate, you KNOW you are not desperate, you are so not desperate that the reason why you are asking is because you've got other guys lined up all the way around your block :) ( not that you need to mention that )- and it would be stupid to miss out on a better match if this guy is just coasting along, you know, the old " let's not put labels on us " " let's take it one day at the time ".
Not that he would be a jerk if he felt like that, he's young too , I guess, and maybe he is not in a relationshipy frame of mind, and that's fine.
But you are, instead ! ( relationship- minded ). You've got to be coherent, you can't just talk the talk but not walk the walk. You can't say that you do not date just for fun, - if then this is exactly what you are doing now and what you will be doing in future for an indefinite length of time because you don't dare to ask where you are at.
Plus, you are already sexually intimate with an and this changes the perspective a bit. Please understand me OP, I am not being old fashioned and closeminded here. Personally I don't think sex is something sacred and I am not against recreational sex- as long as two people are on the same page and have the same expectations.
But what if he sees you as some sort of FWB- while you see yourself , and are waiting to be, his soon- to-be official girlfriend ?
You say that right now you have no idea what you represent for him, what he wants from you, it could be X, or it could be Y. Well, what if you keep waiting for him to make up his mind and give you a " sign " - just to find out in 3, 4 more months that he did not want anything special, just hang out casually and have sex ?
You'd feel upset and let down anyway- and you would have lost time AND the chance to be with the other guy.
It's not all about him ( an ), you know, what he wants, what works for him. It's also about what works for you considering your current circumstances , alternatives, wants and needs.
...............................
A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (10 June 2016):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question(An) is the one I like the most he is the one I want, but I don't to give my all to someone if he isn't willing to give me the same and at the same time turn down others who would be willing to give me their all.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 June 2016):
 Perhaps you already realise this but it's make-your-mind-up time. If you want a serious relationship then choose one of your suitors and reel him in. If you just like them all about the same keep it light and friendly, and make it clear to them all you are just friends and going out for fun.
If you are clubbing then dancing is the main thing. Often people go as a group and look after each other. There is no harm in not having one particular guy. Just protect your reputation.
Let your instinct tell you when you have found the right man.
...............................
|
