A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:If you are seeing some one for let's say four months, an you don't feel the same way, so you decide to break up with them, an the night before you do this they give you a few presents, do you keep the presents or give them back, an tell them it's not working, but if you keep them,does that make you a person, not worth being with in the first place Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 Wait a minute. Define " gifts ".
You are the rose-petals gentleman , right ?
I remember you mentioning that you brough this lady a plastic bag with rose petals, which she did not seem to appreciate . I don't remember you mentioning anything with a specific commercial value . Of course I may be wrong : I have a very good memory, still I am no mentalist. So if you post the link it would be helpful.
What difference does the venal value make ? Alas it does. Consult all the etiquette books you want , they'll tell you that you don't give back, or ask back, flowers, chocolates ,cards ...
Like, if you give a woman a poem you wrote for her
it will have a huge sentimental value for you, but technically she is not supposed to take this into account .
Plus, I remmber fairly well the rose petals episode, the way you related it, and it went more or less like this. You brought over the rose petals for a romantic dance over them. She was unimpressed. You left in a huff. The day after SHE wrote you- something neutral : " Hi how are you " , or something like that. YOU answered her back along the lines of " Goodbye forever, I wish you luck ".
So, wasn'it you the one who had the last world ?
Please clarify.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 June 2016):
 Honeypie I'm glad you posted I did not see the follow up by the user.
yes I would like to see the original question so I can see if I gave the same answer which I'm pretty sure I would have.
unless the phrasing was set up to make us change our answers.
NOTE my reply is gender neutral.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 June 2016):
 Can you link your previous post? Because it makes no sense if the question was the SAME just with a different gender.
Gender doesn't make a difference in manners, if you ask me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2016): Well am the one who wrote in the question, it was a test, you women thought she was the one who gave the gifts,it was me six months ago, and back then you said she should keep the gifts, but now you say the guy should give them back, so the women should keep them but the guy should give them back, so which is it
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (9 June 2016):
 As an adult, and not a very young one, you know the right thing to do. You should most definitely give them back and break up - POLITELY.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (9 June 2016):
I wonder why you are asking this...
Is it because you want the gifts and are hoping aunts will say sure, keep them, or is it because you don't want her hurt to break up and give them back?
The former wont lead to any different advice then you've received... The latter- I think when you end things with her you could gently say you feel you should not have accepted the gifts last night, you should have been honest but weren't, that you have no right to accept the gifts and insist she has them back, whilst acknowledging her thoughtfulness
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 June 2016):
"the night before"
you needed to move the breakup to that night.
you offer to return them and let the giver decide if they want them back or not.
I'm sensing you liked the gifts and want to keep them but dump the person who gave them too you and you thought this the night before when the gifts were given... umm yeah if you KNEW you were going to end it and didn't and the gifts were given and you smiled and said "thank you" and maybe gave a kiss or something all the while knowing you didn't want to be with this person who has NO CLUE what's going on and now you are trying to figure out how to keep the gifts.. yeah that's not good.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 June 2016):
You definitely offer the presents back or DECLINE in receiving them.
If you already know that breaking up is where you are heading, you don't wait til the day AFTER she gives you a present.
If you keep them? Well, then I'd probably think that person is a selfish prat and good riddance.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 June 2016):
You offer the presents back . Then it will be up to her taking them back or telling you, never mind, you can keep them.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (9 June 2016):
 You give them back, I think that is the decent thing to do. Letting them know that while you do appreciate their generosity you cant keep them. If they make a hoo har out of it, simply explain that you had intended to call it quits but were caught of guard by the gifts. Leaving you in a bit of an awkward situation. Hope that helps
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2016): I'd give the presents back. If that person insists that the presents were personal and that she would want me to have them, then I'd keep them. If not, I'd give them back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2016): If you have any sense of morals and pride you return them.To keep them and then break up is low.You should already know that by the age you are now.Give the gifts back like a real man would do.
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