A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So there's this female that I noticed when I started taking the train to work a little over a year ago. At the very beginning I noticed that she kept looking my way, even if I haven't looked at her I noticed through peripherals her glance. Anyway after a while whenever I'd see her I'd nod with a smile as would she. This would continue for a while, after whenever she would see me she would smile with the biggest grin saying hi. Well shortly thereafter I figured I'd introduced myself and asked her namand it was brief.After that its like I didn't see her for a loooong time or even if I had seen her didn't feel like before almost as if I scared her away. Fair enough. So up until recently I saw her she sparked up a conversation we talked til the train came, good conversations each time almost as if we've known each other a long time. Never seen her be as animated with anyone else, she seems to generally enjoy my company and laughing a lot. She in convo has mentioned her husband briefly though most convo is between herand I and very engrossing. Even though it had been a long time since I introduced myself she still remembered my name as well. I am bad when it comes to reading any types of signals if there is any. Is she being nice or flirty or what? Not expecting anything either just want to know understand why a married woman would seek out anything with me even if it's at a chatty level.
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flirt, married woman, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2017): Yes she could be looking for romance especially if she is unhappy in her marriage. If you want to know ask her about her family and soon you will detect if she unhappy in her marriage. Having said that however I advise you strongly not to start an affair with her. It might seem tempting especially if she is good looking but believe me the minute you sleep with her you will regret it for the rest of your life. Probably she will too.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 July 2017):
 What about, for company and for killing time ?
I don't think her marital status is very relevant - more her personality . Some people are chatty, social and outgoing and a " shooting the breeze " partner is a godsend to freshen up an otherwise boring commuting.
For a while, when I was freshly married, I used to commute to work by train. It was not a killer commute, 20 minutes, plus the occasional waiting time at the station, still, sort of a drudgery. Well, actually socializing was the last thing on my mind since I am always perfectly happy to bury my nose into my book ( I never go anywhere without some reading material ) and exclude the outside world. But, suppose I had not been a reader, whom I could have chatted with ? Most of the other commuters were either loud , obnoxious X generationers attending the near university, or else Muslim immigrant workers ( no, that's not a racist remark, simpy they are not supposed to talk to female strangers unless strictly necessary, and generally they don't. ) Had I seen a nice, safe, well mannered gentleman I probably would have been more than happy to start a sort of " train " friendship.
It's the same as when you patronize always the same coffee shop for breakfast and you schmooze and laugh with the barista and the regulars- whom , though, you'd barely aknowledge with a nod of your head out of that specific venue, as a sort of unwritten rule.
Not being there to see, obviously I can't exclude that this woman is actually hitting on you with the intent to seduce you, but from what you write I don't get this feeling, she just sounds like an outgoing person who does not mind exchanging a few words to while away what otherwise would be dead time. And why should she forget your name, once you have introduced yourself ?- unless she is senile, on drugs, or a public figure who gets introduced to hundreds of people a day - that's normal. Anyway , her marital status is irrelevant , I feel- there are married woman who are talkative and extrovert, and single
women who are shy and diffident. Some women love to banter with strangers, some hate it- and that stays ,regardless of marital status. Marriage changes many things , but ( hopefully ) not your basic personality.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2017): jeez way to jump the gun on the assumptions people, never said I was looking for anything romantic. Just asking if married women typically act this way & why. Seems like for a long time she was seeking me out to catch my attention long before I even introduced myself. Outside of one person I seen her chat briefly with never have I seen her adhere to anyone especially a stranger such as I. I even ignored her in the morning, only to have her find me later in the day saying she was looking for me. Women can be strange creatures to understand, more so than human beings judging by the result of these types of responses here.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (24 July 2017):
 I think that she's being friendly.
It may not be that common to spark up a conversation with a stranger where you're from but where I'm from, we do stuff like that all the time. Myself included, I find people very easy to talk to so wherever I go, I'm friendly with people. Even in the interview room for a job, I make friends with all the interviewees and wish them luck lol (weird, I know).
Besides, I doubt that she would have brought up her husband in the conversation if she was trying something with you.
Perhaps she just has a friendly nature like myself because traveling the same route every day is a bit much with nobody to talk to so perhaps she's just trying to lighten the mood for the trip.
Not all niceness is flirting. There are those of us women who are nice just to be nice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2017): Men tend to misinterpret friendliness for something else.If a woman was interested, you would already know without having to ask us about it.The fact it isn't obvious means she is just being nice.Married women can also like or enjoy the company of other men besides their husbands. It doesn't necessarily mean there are sexual undertones. But many guys want to believe that there are.And yes, some married women are flirtatious with other men. It is just an ego boost. Sometimes they have been married awhile and get bored or complacent. They like to know they still have IT. This doesn't mean they are unhappy with their husbands or want to have an affair. It is simply human nature to sometimes appreciate validation from the opposite sex.I would stay away. Be kind and professional and do not cross any lines. It can happen very quickly that things could escalate and as soon as you know it, you are being inappropriate. She could be offended and not want to talk to you again. She might even never talk to you again. You should never make assumptions or think a married woman is IN PLAY. She IS NOT. Be a gentleman and stand back. Do not be like so many other countless PIGS out there. Have respect and stop thinking with your little head. I know it is possible for men to be able to control themselves. Correct? So, if I were you, I would find other ways to keep busy other than talking to her. With the technology available today, you will have no problem keeping yourself distracted.We all know that to come on an advice forum asking such a question, you are "not expecting anything" but a part of you is excited by the possibility of something happening.That is a bad road to go down. I know from experience. I wish some years ago, the married man who flirted with me did not cross the line. It would have saved me so much turmoil, heartache, pain, loneliness. The situation, once in it, is unlike anything else. It is bad all around. I just wish I had thought it all through before jumping in. There are so many negative consequences as a result that you never thought of when you were chasing rainbows. It will go from your dream come true to your worst nightmare. It just isn't worth it. Better to avoid it than to ever step foot in it.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (23 July 2017):
 what is she doing that makes you think it is flirting, and not just being friendly with someone she crosses all most every day, Is this why people think it is imposable for men and women to be just friends,
She thinking of your name is not thing more than being good at remembering names something that some people are good at, I myself can be good with first names and useless with surnames
Does it not make your journey shorter to talk to someone around you, like being in a waiting room with 2 other people and on one talks or they even try TO ACT AS IF YOU ARE NOT THERE
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 July 2017):
 Why not? If you are pleasant company and she is bored, waiting for her train, why not pass the time chatting? The fact she made a point of mentioning the existence of her husband should be a big pointer that she is not interested in you romantically, otherwise she would have kept quiet about him. She has mentioned him so that you don't get "the wrong idea".
Do you not think men and women can't be friendly together without there being an ulterior motive? I have a number of male friends who I love chatting with and spending time with. I am as "animated" in their company as I am in the company of any of my female friends. They are FRIENDS. Their gender does not feature. I have about as much romantic interest in them as I have in my female friends - absolutely ZERO (and would actually be horrified if any of them suggested any such thing).
This lady sounds like she is being friendly because you introduced yourself to her and she finds it pleasant chatting with you. You don't mention a partner of your own. Perhaps that is the crux of the issue and perhaps you need to meet more people so you can find a partner of your own. I would certainly not be pinning any romantic hopes on this lady.
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