A
female
age
30-35,
*lame222
writes:Hi, I asked my boyfriend several times if he would go with me to the beach and he has always said no. Last time I asked he said that he would think about it, so I rushed to prepare our stuff and then I ask him again he says no! This happens on other levels and it is very frequent.I can understand that he is an introvert and doesn't like new stuff and the sun cz he has a very white skin, but it also bothers me that I never say no when he wants to go out the same place over and over again. I mean why can't he make any effort for me? get out of his comfort zone and try what I suggest? thanks for reading and sharing your opinion on this matter. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (4 July 2017):
 He does not try the beach or new stuff because there's nothing in it for him except sunburn and feeling out of his comfort zone. He's a creature of habit who needs to be in control of his environment to feel secure.
Take a fish out of water; a BF to the beach and they gasp for air, do they not? If the fish/BF have a choice they'd stay in their environment/comfort zone; the same place over and over again. This is not good if your a fishman/GF.
I believe you may have a battle on your hands if you wish him to broaden his horizon/experiences with other interests. While he may be smart and not so shy in other areas, this type will always hold you back from splashing in the water of life... they prefer to dip their toes in familiar waters, boring.
Has he heard of sunscreen, a hat, an umbrella, watching you bath (in a wet t-shirt) and then having a picnic lunch together? All things doable for any unselfish person, introvert or not!?
Take SPF50+ - CAA
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 July 2017):
 Well, he could say that you are not making an effort either - the effort to understand once and for all that he is an introvert , he sunburns easily and feels uncomfortable on a beach, - and going to the beach is more like punishment than fun to him. You could make the effort to understand that we do not all like the same things and rather than making sacrifices and having a terrible time just to show our SO how much we love her / him... well, wouldn't it be easier to just follow the path of least resistence and doing together only the activities that both enjoy ( or, at least, both do not hate with a vengeance )?
Maybe because I hate beaches myself, which makes me very eccentric in a country where there are about 8000 km of coasts and everybody is sea-crazy and sun - crazy , but I can see his point. He is a non-beachy type, why does he have to change to show he cares ? Would you expect to turn a couch potato into a sport enthusiast just because you love sports, or a rabid hard metal fan into an opera goer because you like opera ?
See if you still have common interests, common pursuits , common passions- or at least common things that you can do together without too much discomfort for either one . If there are enough, fine, stick to those and pursue your special interests on your own. If, alas, just there aren't enough things you can share , or you can enjoy together... then it's not a matter of efforts and sacrifices,- then you are just not compatible.
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A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (3 July 2017):
 Don't miss out on doing things you want to do, just because he doesn't want to go to these places. Go on your own, or with another friend. I understand that not everyone loves the beach, and in a relationship there are always going to be areas where only one of you wants to do something. It's part of the give and take, and there is nothing wrong in going your separate ways sometimes!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 July 2017):
 Tell him OK, I'm going and then GO by yourself or call a friend. You two are dating not attached at the hip.
And if you ONE day don't feel like going where HE wants to go tell HIM no.
I take my kids (teens) to the beach quite often. In the past 4 years, I think my husband has joined in maybe 3 times. That is OK with me. He doesn't HAVE to go. He, on the other hand, have taken them boating and I have gone with them when I FELT like it and stayed home when I didn't.
If it's JUSt on the "beach" issue that he won't make an effort I think you need to just SO you when it comes to the beach.
If he doesn't make an EFFORT at ALL in the relationship, then maybe you need to rethink the relationship.
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