A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Boyfriend's parents likes other girlfriend better?Why do I get upset when my boyfriend's family always has the other brother's girlfriend tag along? I feel like I am missing out and it sucks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (7 August 2017):
Toxic parents discriminate against girlfriends for any kind of random reasons. If you aren't invited to tag along, is likely that they don't like you.
I have toxic parents, and they discriminate against my girlfriend because she comes from a poor family, so we are in constant conflict about that issue.
Nobody has a perfect family though. There is always a family member or relative that it's toxic.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): You've reworded the question, but the answers will be somewhat the same.
They like the other girlfriend more, because she does things to make them like her. Personality has a lot to do with it.
You can add what I advised to your previous post.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 August 2017):
 It is true, one man's meat is another man's poison... I can tell you that I know plenty of women that in your position would be elated !- to NOT always have to tag along with the inlaws and be left to your own devices, free to enjoy your bf's time and companionship without the burden of family obligations...
Jokes aside, you don't give any background so it's difficult to say why this is happening exactly, but all in all I am inclined to suggest that you should not take it personally, as an attack to you or a show of hostility. There can be dozens of reasons why your future in laws feel she's more like part of the family, without it having to mean that they actively dislike you. For one, they simply may have known the other girl since a longer time, and got more used to her and comfortable around her. If yours is a newish relationship, I think it's normal that they are chummier with the one they have known longer.
They may think ..of doing you a favour, if you haven't shown or expressed an interest in their passtimes and lifestyle. Like, suppose they are an outdoorsy family who does picnics and barbecues and family hiking trips, and you are a well known indoorsy bookworm, with a taste for fine dining in formal settings- ( or viceversa, of course ) they'll be actually thinking they are doing you a favour by not roping you into things that do not suit your tastes.
Or , you may be a shy, withdrawn type with not much to bring to the table in terms of conversation and fun, and yes, perhaps it would be nicer of them if they took the time to get you out of your shell and help you fit in, - but in practice it does not happen, you can rarely expect it and even less demand it. Being shy or quiet is not like a physical disability that you cannot do anything about - so the burden of making a conscious effort and fitting in is on the shy, uncommunicative person.
I could go on because there could be so many reasons why they SEEM to seek out the other girl more, and none necessarily has to mean that they WANT to exclude you. Not knowing the background, all I can suggest you is , if you really care to be more involved with this family, make the first step and ask to be involved, or have your bf remind them to invite you. Then, even if you had to artuficially create the occasion, you have the chance to be your most pleasant self and to show what a great addition you make to the family group. Of course you can't turn into the life and soul of the party ,or in a stand up comedian , if that's not who you are. Oth, if you join and then spend the time fiddling with your smartphone, or whispering things in your bf's ear,... if you answer monosyllables when asked things..., if you never volunteer to do the washing up after dinner, or to mind the younger chidren..... if you don't remember to compliment ( hopefully with sincerity ) the host for their cooking or their new dress or what not....in short, if you do not contribute something positive, why should they be anxious to have you join them .
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