A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend started his job about seven months ago and his team leader at work fancys him a bit but knows about me, however she's offered to give him 50 quid towards a pair of trainers, now to ms I feel he shouldn't except this offer because she fancies him but in his mind he doesn't like her and it's fifty quid which he doesn't have to spend !! I feel bad because I havnt got the money to give him otherwise I would , is this weird? Or am I over reacting !
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): It's weird. She shouldn't be offering him money but he shouldn't be considering taking it as it's taking advantage of her. I'd have a serious think about whether that's the sort of guy I wanted to our be with in all honesty
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 No he should not accept it. Bottom-line.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Pardon me.. but, what a bum .
I do not believe much in the existence of " free lunches " in life, so yeah, I think too that this lady's offer comes with strings attached , and she would like paid back by other means than money.
But that's not really the point , is it ? the point is that he thinks that , since he does not like her and - in theory- he is not going to fulfill her sexual or emotional needs,- then it's ok for him to accept a money gift from, basically, a stranger. But he is a grown-ass man , with a job- why can't he buy his own trainers ?! why can't he SAVE until he has the necessary amount. Has he got no pride at all ?
I could understand maybe if he were in dire straits , down to his last pair of shoes; if the choice were between going barefoot and accepting the kindness of strangers , then so be it. But I doubt this is the case, and I bet that these trainers are a want, not a need! Well, has your boyfriend ever heard of delaying gratification ? Of buying what you can AFFORD , without going mooching around ?
And why do you say that you feel guilty for not being able to buy him those shoes yourself ?! He is not your child, you are not supposed to do it. Ok, being his girlfriend it's more normal and appropriate ( as compared to a stranger) that you may want to give him a gift once in a while, and there would be nothing wrong with it per se - I just have got a feeling that your guilt is based on the implicit assumption that " whatever baby wants , baby must get ". Why ??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2017): Regardless of whether she fancies him - why is he even considering accepting money from a boss?! I would be so ashamed if someone offered me money to buy shoes!
He's an adult. He saves his wages and buys his own stuff and having a boss offer sounds very strange. He needs trainers then he buys the trainers, even as his gf you shouldn't feel you have to lend money to a partner.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 July 2017):
 Should he accept?
No. He should thank her for her kind offer and inform her that he will save UP for items he needs.
He isn't a kid, he has a job. He doesn't NEED his team leader to buy him stuff. She isn't his mom.
Maybe she IS trying to buy his attention and affection but that WILL blow up in his face, sooner or later.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 July 2017):
 I agree with YCBS.
I'd expect he has some kind of reasoning behind this offer. Personally I'd never accept such a random offer from someone you don't really know. It's not like he's friends with this woman, simply work colleagues.
You really have no idea what she has up her sleeve if he accepts the money. Expecting sexual favours? Making up some kind of story that she could take to HR if he doesn't start doing what she says? Who knows?
But personally I'd stay well away and stick to work only.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 July 2017):
 Does your boyfriend have no pride? Will he just accept money from anyone? He is an adult with a job. Expensive trainers are a luxury, not a necessity. If he wants them, he should save up for them.
As for him saying he doesn't like this woman so it is ok for him to accept money from her, do YOU feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone with morals like that? And you only have his word that he doesn't actually fancy her.
I know you are only young but, in your shoes, I would be asking myself some serious questions about this man's outlook on life and whether I saw any long term future with someone with morals like that.
Trust me, people don't just offer to GIVE people they have known for a short time £50 towards luxuries without an ulterior motive. IF this is the full true story (your boyfriend's grasp of the truth may be as reliable as his morals), then this woman will have some sort of "pay back" in mind.
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