A
female
age
26-29,
*oupar
writes: I am 19 and even tho i know all my friends are having sex, i know it doesn't mean i have to but i'm getting a lot of pressure from my boyfriend to do it right now. The pressure seems to be more and more as the days go on. And I will be honest, i haven't done it yet but he has. He's only 20 and is open about the fact that he's had several girls in his bed. We have been together for almost 6 months and he thinks its time. I am a good christian kid, my sort of step mom has raised me with good beliefs but i know he hasn't been raised that way. I have caught him cheating multiple times on me in the past 2 months. The reason he says is because he's not getting it from me. I'm afraid if i don't give it he's going to walk away. So my question is to have sex or not and how am i going to know when the times right?
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (1 August 2017):
"And after finding out that his other girlfriend is 3 to 4 months prego--i get that it could have been me. " -- No, it would have been two prego girls and one father, so one of you, or both, would have had a child without a father.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Riot2017 +, writes (31 July 2017):
I think you should let him go, not because he wants to have sex with you, but because he is cheating you. If he already cheated you 2 times, it's just the tip of the iceberg.
If you ideology is very important to you, he should respect that.
Don't let anyone force you into doing things you don't want to do.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 July 2017):
 Let him walk away! You may love him, but he does not love you. He cheats and pressures you for sex. You are scared he will leave, but really you should leave him! This is not a good guy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): That is good you left him but.....I really hope that before you have sex you educate yourself and really learn about birth control STD and safe sex. Please go to a gynaecologist and get educated on everything. Not only can it prevent pregnancy it could save your life with STD out there now that actually can kill you. I know you are Christian but being Christian does not mean you do not have to be educated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): he doe's not love u, if he love u he will respect ur boundaries.
I have a friend that similar thing happened to her she try to please the guy but after given out her virginity the guy abandoned her because he has already gotten what he want
So my sister if u actually love and respect ur self u most let go of that guy because he didn't love u
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): We're not angels! The angels around you were God-sent. We're the humble messengers!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): Never have I been more relieved to see an update that says you left him for good!!
THANK GOODNESS!
You're quite right, you could've been another pregnant ex girlfriend of his (because it's clear he won't stay around to support the woman he has already got pregnant or the child).
Never let someone treat you like that again. Anyone who cares even one ounce about you would never go and cheat, and then blame you. Sleeping with other women because he's not able to have sex with you is the true sign of a pathetic man and you are truly very lucky to not have given in. Not only could you have been pregnant but you don't know what kind of sexually transmitter diseases he could be spreading either...
If he tried to win you back, stay strong. Block any form of contact and move on with your life because you will be so much better for it x
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (29 July 2017):
 Dodged a real bullet there.
Just let this be a lesson and hopefully you have better luck in future.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): He will leave you whether you give in to his pressure or not. He is already cheating. If he loved you he would never cheat. Clearly it is better to save yourself for someone who will love you and wouldn't mind to spend the rest of his life with you. My advice,kick him out and come out the winner in this battle of wits.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): Why are you with him. He's a cheater and I certainly you've slept with him he'll leave you for the next conquest. Tell him you're too good for him (because you are) and find someone that will wait until you're ready.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): He's an idiot. Not worth your time.
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female
reader, coupar +, writes (29 July 2017):
coupar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for helping me. i tried leaving a message here earlier-but i don't think it went threw. Friday night/last night several of us caught my bf cheating and I broke it off-we are no longer together. I'm not sure how to say it but i don't think i will really miss him very much. A piece of me is relieved that hes out of my life. I am actually leaving smarter. Yes, you heard me right,I have learned a lot from my first bf experience. Especially that love can be really blind til someone else opens your eyes. I realized he was trying to change me into something i wasn't-i didn't see it til i read your responses. And after finding out that his other girlfriend is 3 to 4 months prego--i get that it could have been me. Just wanted to say thanks for helping me, i could made a huge mistake. Many Blessings to you all.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 July 2017):
 Let him walk away, then. You won't be losing anything valuable.
OP... hallooo ?? You caught him cheating on you multiple times ! he is an unabashed cheater !- have a little respect for yourself.
His excuse that he °must° cheat because he is not getting sex from you, is just this, an excuse, and it only shows how cheeky and entitled he is, not that he has a good reason to do what he does.
If having intercourse is more important to him than having a monogamous, loving relationship with you ( as , after all , this would not be unusual , and not incomprehensible, at his age ) then he can choose to stay single and uncommitted, and have fun with whomever he wants. He has the right to decide his own priorities, but not that of manipulating people into accepting them. Of course , for him it works best if he can have his cake and eat it too- but you don't have to do something , just because it works best for him !
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 July 2017):
 Sweetheart, this guy is treating you badly. WHY is he treating you badly? Because YOU are letting him walk all over you.
I know it is always difficult with first boyfriends. No matter what scumbags they are, we still don't want to "lose" them - whereas, in reality, we should be dumping them so fast, they shouldn't even know what hit them.
Consider these:
1. Where are the girls now who he has had sex with? All gone. Take that as a warning. Once he has had sex with you, you will get dumped, so you will "lose" him anyway.
2. If he is bragging to you about girls he has had "in his bed", then he will be bragging about having YOU in his bed to others after he has had what he wants and dumped you and moved onto his next target.
Your first time should be special. You should be able to look back on it in years to come and think "I made the right decision". (I certainly do, and I waited a lot longer than you for the right man.) Do you honestly believe you will think that if you have sex for the first time with this lothario? You will only look back with regret that you allowed yourself to be pressured into something you KNOW is not right for you.
You have been raised with good values so I know that, deep down, you KNOW what you are doing is right. Do yourself another favour and dump this specimen before he makes you believe you are not worth better - because you are worth SO much better.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 July 2017):
Really?
I'm seeing a lot of posts lately that are making me think 'is this serious?'.
Why on earth, would you stay with someone who is:
1 Cheating
2. Pressuring you to do something you don't want to
Please use your brain and have some self respect. Does this sounds like a man that cares about you or is only interested in what's in your pants? I think deep down you know what to do but this is your first BF and you don't want to 'lose him'. The guy is an asshole, no ifs ands or buts. Break up.
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female
reader, coupar +, writes (29 July 2017):
coupar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank you for all your wonderful help. Thank you. After taking all your advice to heart, I informed my boyfriend that we needed to talk-his reply was he was to busy. Knowing he was home I decided to go speak to him. Sense it was close to dark, our new neighbor boy offered to walk with me to my boy friends house-and believe it or not, there my boyfriend was in the back yard, on a blanket screwing his sisters best friend. His mom was furious and he has finally been exposed for what he is-a cheater. I remained calm as i told him we are done. I figured his mom was doing enough yelling for the both of us-so i didn't think i needed to. The new neighbor boy walked me home. I think it may have been fate, rich-the new neighbor, who is also 19, confessed that he has the same thoughts as me on waiting til marriage. He said he was proud of how I had handled the whole situation. I found out we have a lot in common. Hes taking me horseback riding on Sunday. Thank You for being my Guardian Angels and helping me to make the right choice. Many Blessings to you all.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 July 2017):
 It's OK to not be ready for sex at your age. JUST as it is OK to BE ready (like your BF).
You two are mismatched.
You can't/won't fulfill HIS needs (and that YOUR prerogative to not want sex yet) and he can't fulfill YOUR needs for being faithful and accepting of your wishes.
Basically, you two are a round hole and a square peg. You don't FIT each other.
It is NOT a good excuse that he has cheated on you because you aren't giving up sex. No. If sex was that important he COULD have ended it with you RESPECTFULLY and found a girl who moral compass is more like his own.
Don't have sex with him because you think you HAVE to, to keep him. Because he isn't going to start being faithful to you IF you have sex. He might even dump you after just because.
ACCEPT that you two are NOT wanting the same things from the relationship. And that is OK - SET him free. And set yourself free.
How will you know when the time is right?
I don't think there is one unique AHA! feeling we all get when we are ready, but it usually comes with a desire for your partner, TRUST in your partner and the knowledge that you WANT to do it.
However, it sounds to me like you just AREN'T ready. And that is OK. So end it with him because that is NOT your priority but HIS for being in a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): You've got two good reasons to dump the guy. He's cheating on you, and he's pressuring you.
If you're going to let guys pressure you and treat you like a dummy in order to keep them; you're going to get used and passed around by jerks. He's cheating because taking your virginity will be his conquest. You don't do anything until YOU ARE READY!
Don't start-out like that. Letting guys intimidate you and treat you with disrespect. Don't use your body as a bargaining chip; only to find-out he'll leave anyway once he gets what he wants. It's your body and your choice.
It's the stronger and smarter women who have more success in relationships and interacting with men. It's the weaker ones who frequently get used, and repeatedly make bad choices.
Be strong. Dump him!!!He has already shown his disrespect by cheating on you. A good guy wouldn't do such a thing to force you into doing something you're not ready for. He would rather you give yourself; because you love and trust him; and he loves and respects you back!
Using emotional-blackmail is a huge red-flag!!!
The time will be right, when you WANT TO! Without him pressuring you into it.
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