A
female
age
26-29,
*c99sc
writes:Me and my fiancé have been together for over 2 years now. During his past relationship with his ex' this women had already had a child by someone else. This child was very little when they started dating. During the time they were together he got her pregnant. So they had a daughter together. I on the other hand do not have children but I love his daughter like she was my own. Since the beginning when I started dating my fiancé his ex made it very difficult for us to be together and for him to enjoy his time with his daughter. So anyways let me get to the point I have never had a problem with his mother but she still speaks casually to his ex, she also hangs out with his ex and still puts up holiday decorations that include the other child that was never my fiances and she buys things for the other kid. For example she puts up christmas stockings with the other kids name on it. It truly bothers me, but I want to know am I just being petty or would this bother you too if your fiance's mother was doing this ? I understand that I can't change the past and that I will have to deal with his ex for a long time but must my future mother-in-law act like the ex and she other kid is apart of mine and my fiance's family ?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 August 2017):
 In short?
You are petty.
ALL kids need as many GOOD loving people in their lives as they can have. Whether they are "genetically" related or not.
This ex-GF's FIRST child is your Fiance's child's HALF sibling thus ... FAMILY!
Let me tell you a story.
A good friend of mine has two daughters. One daughter has 2 children. A son and a daughter. They do NOT have the same dad. The oldest (the son) was however partially raised by my friend and partially raised by the mom & father of the second child. The son was encouraged to call the guy dad and did so, just like his half-sister did.
The mother of the two children then divorced child #2's dad. And the NEW GF of this "newly divorced" man was so jealous of a 7-year-old boy that she threw FITS when the guy had his NATURAL daughter for visits along with her half-brother. She was petty and jealous that this "KID" called her boyfriend "dad" (even though he had been raised to do so, regardless of blood) that she refused to DATE him if he didn't stop having both kids come visit one weekend every 3 months (that was all the "time" he had for them) - now all I can say is the "DAD" is an idiot for dating "such" a woman and she is cruel and petty and a sorry excuse of a human being.
HOW do you think that boy felt? When he was told, no I don't want to see you anymore, I don't want you to call me dad anymore, I don't want anything to do with you.
HOW do you think he felt?
THANKFULLY this boy has other people in his life who are not petty. Who CAN "spare" some love for a "KID" who is a human being and sweet as the day is long.
STOP being petty. STOP being dramatic and learn to LOVE.
HOW would you like YOUR child to be treated some day?
Let's say you two don't work out, you meet someone new... and you NEW partner's family wants NOTHING to do with your child because it's not his...
GROW up and be a decent human being. Trust me it isn't THAT hard.
WHAT harm will come your way (or your child's) for INCLUDING this kid?
You BF's mother sounds like a GOOD woman. A caring woman. Maybe you should take notes?
Sorry if I could harsh, I just don't get the animosity towards a child like that.
A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (21 August 2017):
"It truly bothers me, but I want to know am I just being petty or would this bother you too if your fiance's mother was doing this ?"
I don't think you are understanding how things work on this.
Your mother-in-law doesn't just want to hang out with his ex, he just want to have a good relationship with the mother of granddaughter. You see, she wants to have a good relationship with her granddaughter, and she is very smart, because she wants to be in good terms with her mother and her half-brother.
Your mother-in-law will probably be doing this for the rest of her life, because family is very important for her, and there is nothing you can do about it. You need to learn to accept this fact.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 August 2017):
 Your soon to be mother in law is a very wise lady. Yes, she should be treating your fiancé's ex and her first child as part of the family because TA DAH, they are. The ex is the mother of your future mother in laws grandchild, that's family, and the child is a sibling to that same grandchild: still family.
Any child you have with your fiancé will be no more related to your partner's current child than the step brother she already has. I suggest you think about that and then step back and have another look at your attitudes towards your fiancé's child's family.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2017): I can't believe you have a problem with that! Why would she leave him out, it would be wrong for her to go over his ex house give a stocking to her grand daughter and leave the boy out! Kids don't understand that they've got different fathers
Your boyfriends mother sounds like a decent person
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 August 2017):
 But the other kid IS a part of the family, insofar he is the halfbrother of your bf's daughter ! Your bf got himself a daughter who had an older brother, and your ( future ) MIL a grandchild who had an older brother. If the two kids live together and love each other and act, for good or for bad, like the SIBLINGS they are, what do you suggest , that your bf and his mother should gang up against this kid, do their best to make him feel excluded, and a second-class kid , just because the poor kid was not so lucky to share their DNA ? Jeez it's a Christmas stocking, not a legacy of millions. It's a kind sweet little gesture that does not take anything away from you . Sure, the little girl could simply go home and say, I have got this gift and that from my grandma ,- and you don't get anything because I am blood related to her but you aren't- and , as long as the child is , say, over 6 / 7 years old, he would get it, he would see the logic. But , is it really necessary ? For what, for helping you to mark your territory ? Isn't just simpler, nicer, warmer, kinder, more human and more sensible to just ACCEPT that little SarahJane, or whatever her name is, comes accessorized with a brother ?
As for the MIL hanging out with the ex, first remember that she is not just any ex, she is the mother of her grandaughter, just this undeniable fact warrants the ex to be treated civilly . The MIL goes Beyond, does more than just being civil and polite ? She is actually cordial, and friendly ? Well, I understand how that may irk you, but- basically , no skin off your nose. Maybe she hangs out with this ex because she likes her Maybe , even, she likes her better than she likes you. SO what ? There's no accounting for personal tastes, and you should not start a competition for aknowledgement / appreciation. As long as YOUR BOYFRIEND does not like the ex better than he likes you ! ... ( he does not. He split up with her, and got engaged with you, remember? ),... then don't sweat it, and don't try to ruin a delicate balance that works well for this enlarged family , of which you were the last ( timewise ) to be added .
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse  +, writes (19 August 2017):
It's a tough situation, but put yourself in her shoes. If she goes cool on her grandchilds mother, she could make it hard for her to see her grandchild. She may also be seeing it differently to her son, she may reason that whatever went wrong in the relationship had nothing to do with her and as a result her relationship with the child's mother shouldn't change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2017): Oh my, you sound very immature and selfish. You are very young, so maybe that's why you don't understand that actually, it's very nice and a lovely thing that your partners mother includes the other little one- who is in reality the sibling of your partners daughter. Grow up! Seriously... I am hoping your partner continues to treat the other child with at least curtesy and kindness. This has nothing to do with them not being together- he was involved in her other child's life and they share a blood tie- his child. His mother should be reasonable to the mother of his child, and it's terrific that she treats the way two children this way... because they are CHILDREN and she clearly doesn't want the siblings of her blood grandchild feeling left out or less than she deserves simply because of circumstances that had nothing to do with the little child. You can't choose who your partners mother gets on with. But I would go further and suspect you have a lot to say about how your partner is allowed to be around the ex too. I suspect he is older than you too. Really my best advice is grow up and see this from the other little child's perspective, who if you had your way would have a childhood of exclusion and being treated differently to her sibling because some teenage girl has an issue with it. You say you think of your partners child as your own... then you should understand that blood ties aren't the most important thing- being thoughtful, accepting and understanding that you are dealing with children is.
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