A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I had a messy break up. I got drunk, was upset and got into some trouble and ended up in hospital. I called my ex and left a message to say I was in hospital. She never came and I never heard from her. I ended up needing surgery.Years later she has contacted me trying to talk to me again. I dont know if shes worth having as a friend because if it was me, I would have dropped what I was doing even if I didnt like you.What should I do? Should I let her back in my life?
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male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (26 August 2017):
 OFTEN THINGS LOOK BETTER WHEN WE LOOK BACK,
I would say let the past in the past,
people should just take with them from old relationships their experience they have learned and move on to be better the next time, going back is not often a good idea, she is not the same person you know then and you are not the same I hope,
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (26 August 2017):
 Listen, I need to be direct with you:
You are deflecting.
You are using this to avoid some serious problems in your life, and rather than address these issues, which are hard, you're focusing on your ex and whether or not she should be in your life.
People don't usually deal with breakups by getting wasted and nearly killing themselves!!!
Are you frequently turning to alcohol? Has it become something you use a lot?? And -- was your ex used to you showing erratic behavior?? Because for her and you to go through a messy breakup and then for her to hear that you're in the hospital and NOT go see you means that you are no stranger to self-inflicted chaos, and she made the decision not to take part in it this time.
You're also 22-25 NOW. If this hospital incident had happened years ago, I hope you have gotten your life to a better state, but you're still avoiding issues in your life.
Why did you two break up in the first place, and what made it messy? Did one of you cheat??
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (25 August 2017):
"What should I do? Should I let her back in my life?"F*CK NO! Here is the reason: WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN, YOU SEE EVERYBODY'S TRUE COLORS. Her not even visiting you for YEARS, means that she has no regard or empathy for you. Consider yourself LUCKY, YOU DODGED A BULLET. I think you should not let her back IMHO. Either she is with you, or without you, but not in an intermediate state. It's time for you to move on and never look back.If you decide to go back with her, even as a friend, you are rewarding her for not being there for you. If she has not even apologized, it's another RED FLAG since that is the trademark of Narcissists and people who lack empathy for others.I hope you are better from your surgery now. I hope you find a woman that loves you in the good times and the bad times.Best luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2017): People have to learn how to let go and move on. Some people are only meant to be in your life but a season. When you are together for awhile and you can't repair your relationship while you're together; then keep the space between you once you part.
It's okay to be civil to an ex. If you have kids between you, then you are bound for life. So you should be friends for their sake.
You don't have to drop what you're doing for someone who is no longer a part of your life. Especially when things are going fine and you're over them. It took your heart and mind long enough to heal. So don't go opening old wounds or inviting old drama back to start a new mess in your life.
Most often, exes think of you when they need sympathy or things have gone wrong for them. If the love couldn't sustain you as a couple; showing-up years later don't mean squat.
Move like time. Go forward. Let the past stay in the past.
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A
male
reader, PJ Roy  +, writes (25 August 2017):
Only you can decide if it's worth your time, or if you've got better things to do.
My guess, since you're asking about it on dearcupid.org then if you consider that contact with her, say, as an acquaintance, helps you learn something new, something different, why not?
We're not talking about being her friend, let alone, letting her into your life just because she came calling... she's just another acquaintance online.
For all you know, she's contacting you... and *you* are really just another acquaintance online for her after so many years.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 August 2017):
 I too agree with N91,
You being in the hospital doesn't mean she OWED you to come see you. OR that because she didn't come see you she just didn't care... What it meant was she wasn't willing to get into more potential drama WITH you at the time.
I also agree that it is ENTIRELY up to you if you want her back in your life. Exes RARELY make great friends so "inviting" her back might not be the BEST thing for you.
Do you really NEED another "friend" who isn't really a friend?
If you think about it, WHY would you even want her around?
Personally? In general, I think exes are people who were in our lives for a shorter or longer time and then faded into the past. I prefer to look forward, not back.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 August 2017):
 I agree with N91 on both counts :
- that she did not owe you assistence, or even a visit. You were broken up, and that entitles the broken ip people to also terminate any social contact or social niceries, if so they wish. Sure, it would have been kinder and more generous if she had came when you called. Yet, your expectations are yours only and you can't fault her for not complying with them.
- that it would be superflous, or in fact disadvisable , to let her back in your life. What for ?. You broke up, - you did not work in a relationship together. And as a friend- she obviously disapponted you by not meeting your standards for friendship.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 August 2017):
 Why would you drop everything for someone you don't like? I don't think that's quite true is it?
She doesn't owe you anything at the end of the day, you were broke up. Sure, she could of lent you some sympathy, but she didn't NEED to and that was her choice.
Do you want to let her back into your life? That's for you to decide, not us. I wouldn't recommend it though as you're exes for a reason, why revisit it all? You were obviously pissed off that you didn't hear from her whilst you were in hospital so what's the point?
Move forwards not backwards.
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