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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm feeling very hurt today. At my previous job (as well as life in general) you could say that I'M not the most organized person (not filthy, but more of an issue of putting things back where they belong, avoiding clutter and procrastination,etc. However I have a new job that I love and I have been trying my best to be that type of person. However my coworker approached me today and said "I see right through you. You pretend to be organized and on top of things, but you're NOT." And my heart is broken because I so wanted to be that type of organized Type A person but what if I've failed? This is the worst thing someone could say to me. I feel very heartbroken. How to cope?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2017):
 You need to work on yourself esteem, how do you cope?? Well you just be yourself and not let others bring you down. If you are unorganized so what, as long as you are doing your job to the best off your ability then continue to do so, don't try and be someone that you are not.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 August 2017):
 Much would depend from the context.
If this person said it with a smile or a wink or anything suggesting that he/ she was laughing WITH you, not at you - loosen up. Banter and jokes and a bit of ribbing are rather common in workplaces, in fact often they are what makes the workplace bearable . Don't take everything so literally- the intention behind the words counts too. A remark like that, from a non-hostile source - COULD possibly mean " Relax, we know that you are a bit of a fucker up ...but we like you anyway."
If instead your are sure that this person came to you all preachy and supercilious, then : toughen up already ! You need to set boundaries in your interaction with people, and show them exactly where 's the line that they should not cross. Like, if this was your boss.... I suppose you 'll have to apologize for your shortcomings, and suck it up.
But, if he was some colleague whatsoever, to whom obviously you had not asked advice, or a review of your performance- stand up for yourself ! Answer back. Either with irony " Congratulations on your promotion, I did not now that now you were in charge to evaluate your peers' performances ". Or straight and simple : I do not appreciate your critique , since I do not remember having asked you to judge me or rate me, and since I do not presume to judge or rate you. So from now on, please , let's stick to the old rule : if you can't say anything nice,... don't say anything ".
Lastly, I'd suggest that rather than feeling heartbroken because your flaws have been noticed, you should try to feel strongly motivated to correct them and do every day a little better .
It's true that, at the end of the day , we are who we are; it's true that each of us has flaws, and being untidy or a procrastinar is certainly not the worst flaw one can have. BUT- these considerations work better when you live on your own, work on your own, with little or minimal contact with other people. Generally , instead, working is a cooperative venture, where you share tasks, routines, deadlines , even physical spaces, or tools and supplies - and having the chronical clutterer or the incorrigible procrastinator can be very distracting and stressful for the other colleagues, and hinder THEIR productivity. So, ultimately, staying on top of things at the very best level you can is a matter of respect for your coworkers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2017): I manage and supervise a large staff; and I'm going to answer your question from the employer's point of view.
Your co-worker was very much out of line. I will assume she was not assigned as your supervisor; so her opinion has no bearing on your employment. You were hired according to your experience and qualifications; and you met the criteria your employer was looking for in a worker.
Working with people, I know that everyone (including myself) has their own quirks, style, and talents. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. If you know your faults, fix them. Resorting to tears and sulking will not make the best impression on a new job. You'll fall short of your job-demands and display inability to deal with pressure.
Your personality and ability to impress your interviewer; is what matters. Not the random verbal-attacks of co-workers who have no authorization or authority to give you performance-evaluations.
You have to be a little tougher; because in life you do run across opinionated-people and those who dislike you for no apparent reason. I take it she just caught you off-guard. Always guard your soft-spots.
Why she came out of left-field to say such a thing tells you a ton about her personality. Every workplace has someone like her. You just called her a co-worker, but didn't clarify if she supervises you. In that case, her opinion matters. You're probably in your probationary-period, and she may run a tight ship. That was only a shot across the bow! Otherwise; she was mouthing-off and blowing hot-air.
You have to face-off with bullies.
If she is an equal-level worker, maybe she's just a disgruntled-employee looking for a way to cause disruption; because she didn't get the job, or someone she may have hoped would get it got passed-over.
Sometimes people are too outspoken and call themselves shaping you up; establishing the pecking order, so you'll fall in-line. She may have had to pickup after you. Some people don't like doing that. She may have been letting you know that she doesn't intend to take-up your slack. Everyone isn't going to cheer-lead you on. So you'll have to make sure you do your best. If you can't handle snark; you will be bouncing from one job to the next. I'm sure there was as least one of her at your last job. I've got a few too; but they know who's boss. That's me! There will be no hostile work environment under my watch; or you're out the door!
Remember you're in the adult-world, working with a variety of personalities. Your success depends on being able to adapt and deal with others, not just performing your job.
Write this off as a bad day; bearing also in-mind that you'll have to work with her. You can't let her run you off. You should get a backbone; because if you don't, she'll know she holds your feelings in the palm of her hand. She is trying to force you to vacate your position for one reason or another; and you will show her that isn't about to happen.
Should she approach you on the attack again; inform your supervisor that you believe she has a problem with you, and you are not sure why. If she is the supervisor, I guess you'll have to suck it up, and get on the ball.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 August 2017):
 We all work differently, as long as you are meeting your deadlines and completing work set for you just ignore him .... also ensure if your employers have a clean desk policy (everything cleared off at the end of the day) that you take time to comply and ensure the stuff you remove is organised enough so that if you cant come in tomorrow (unexpectedly) somebody else will be able to find urgent files etc.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 August 2017):
 Heh, I would have just smiled at the co-worker and say "Switch to decaf already!" and then go about my day.
People are going to say unkind things to you. Life is not fair, and some people are just douchebags. But *YOU* give permission for those words to hurt you. You can't control when it happens, but you can sure make them feel as embarrassed as if they crapped their pants in front of you. That's why it's called "verbal diarrhea".
You *need* thick skin. So you're not the most organized! Big deal! It's something you work on, just like being a douchebag and spewing verbal diarrhea is. As far as things go, they could have said a hell of a lot worse to you than that, so you need to pick your ego up off the floor, dust it off, and ignore the moron.
I am a type A person. I really don't want to be one. It's funny that too many people want to NOT be what they are, and instead try to be the screwdriver who desperately wants to hammer nails. Cluttered procrastinators are creative people usually. I wonder if you are either an artist, a musician, a glassworker, crocheter, scrapbooker, or something that is creative.
Like Honeypie said -- be who you are, or you'll walk around banging your head against the wall.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2017):
 You are who you are.
Here is the thing, WHO cares what he thinks? As long as you are focussed and "organized enough" to do your job his "evaluation" is irrelevant.
One thing though, OP... He hit the nail on the head - is that why you feel upset? Telling you the honest truth hurt you more than calling you something horrible? Come on!
Next time, turn it around and make it a joke. Or say something like:" Shhhh you can't let the whole office know!!" and then wink and do your job.
DON'T take it personally. Seriously.
My old boss once in jest called me OCD (which I am but he didn't know) because I had organized the entire reception area in a day. ( I was not the receptionist lol just filling in when our receptionist was on maternity leave). He was right and while I (at that point in time) wasn't too happy that people knew (because most people assumed there was something "wrong" with you when you have OCD) - I played it off as a joke. He apologized and told me he was just so impressed. So NOT all "off the handle" statements are meant to be rude or mean. Maybe your coworker wasn't trying to be mean but trying to poke fun to have you relax a little? OR he is just an ass. Or he felt threatened by you. Either way... RELAX.
Find your OWN way of organizing yourself. One that works for you and SCREW what people like him thinks or says! you can't please everyone!
OK?
Chin up!
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (23 August 2017):
Hello,
I'm shamelessly disorganized, but you know what? I don't care what other think.
I work in the IT industry, and my disorganization is only a symptom of my extreme creativity when it comes to code.
It has been lately discovered that disorganized people tend to be more creative than extremely organized (and mentally rigid people).
If you are in a creative field, you should be proud of being yourself, because creativity and lateral thinking goes along disorder.
Have you seen Albert Einstein's haircut? It's the trademark of a disorganized person, yet he made big contributions to mankind.
So screw your co-worker's comment.
Yes, he may have discovered your true self. So what? Big deal. He has to deal with it.
You have all the right in the world to act as you please.
What that co-worked gave you was an unsolicited opinion. Those are the worst kind of opinions.
Also, you need to learn how to take (unwanted) criticism. People will always be criticizing you for whatever you do, but that does not mean you worth less as a human being. You are still valuable, regardless of what other people say.
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