A
female
age
30-35,
*reen-Lily
writes:Hello,Well… I don’t know how to begin. I’m French, so I hope my English is correct and that you will understand me.You’ll probably think my story is common… honestly, I don’t know. I am a nineteen years-old student. In September, I entered an engineering school where there are a few girls (we are fifteen girls for hundred boys). During the first weeks, I really didn’t care about any of my teachers – as long as I can remember, everything changed in the very end of September, when one of my teachers caught my attention. In the beginning, I told myself it was a crush. I really thought it was (I hoped so) but my feelings became more and more violent and, somehow, obsessive. I began to act oddly: for example, from the window of my classroom I can see him (on Tuesday and Wednesday) working in his office, and I often stayed, late in the evening, about two or three hours looking at him, watching him working or talking to his colleagues. In November, I knew everything about his work week, when he goes to smoke a cigarette, when I can see him at the window, when he leaves the school and where his car is parked. My behavior became strange during lessons too; I always sit alone, in the corner in the classroom, and I always have something to ask him…Now, I’m going to tell you the worst of my story. Firstly, I think I am obsessed with that man. I’m seriously going crazy. I tried to get him out of my mind, but I can’t. Thus I tried to understand why he attracts me so much; could it be just a fantasy? He’s a teacher, he’s older than me, more experienced… but I don’t care about that. Well… it’s the man, not the teacher I’m in love with. I can’t explain. Which is frightening is my being obsessed with him. I know everything on him, like… the name and the job of his ex- wife, how many children he has, their ages, their birthdates, their names… I have photographs of his three children on my computer. I know where he worked during the twenty past years, where he lives, his phone number, his favorite restaurants… I could have been a spy ? or something like that… I don’t know what you’ll think about that, well… if a man knew so many things about me, if somebody was spying me like I spy him, I would run away and scream, lol.Secondly… my story became weirder when my female mate opened my eyes on HIS feelings. I never paid any attention to his behavior in so far as I think I am too much involved to be lucid. I didn’t want to live in delusion, so I told myself that every look he gave me was meaningless. My friends and some close classmates, whose point of view is more objective than mine, told me there’s something odd about the way he treats me. Firstly… he usually don’t like nineteen years-old young girls because he finds them a little silly…but he’s always praising me. And they told me they can’t ask him any explanations because he’s always sitting or walking around me and when I rise my hand he comes and stays more than thirty minutes to talk with me. Before the Christmas Holydays, I paid more attention to him… And, yes, he’s acting strangely. I look at him, he comes. If I don’t ask him any questions, he sit in front of me to watch me work. He’s always, always looking at me, when he talks to the other students, when he’s writing on the blackboard, when he asks a question to the classroom… and… the last day we saw each other, he flattered me, but not on my work…he told me I have beautiful hair, he asked me if I’was cold, if I needed his help… and… his eyes are always shining when he looks at me. He looks like a child, or…Do you remember the cat, in Shrek? His eyes remember me that cat…lol. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think he’s perverted or something like that, just overprotective, perhaps… (If he knew all I know about him… he would run away and scream!)I really don’t know. I’m in love, I’m obsessed with him, but I don’t want him to get into troubles so I try to stay away from him (which is painful but I survive)… it works, until he comes to tell me how wonderful I am (lol)… anyway, I can’t keep a distance between us because he’s always around me, and I don’t dare to talk about that with him… it’s not easy. I should run away and… scream.
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christmas, crush, his ex, my teacher, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Amy2007x  +, writes (3 January 2008):
 Hey! dnt worry i think i am slightly obessive over this teacher in my skl too. i mean i know where he gets the train i know wht time he gets the train at, i know where he lives, i know his two sons name, i know one of their birthdays (only beacuse he told me) i know tht he runs a small business at the weekends, i know his fave tv programmes... the list is endless, and i feel very embarassed knowing so much about a teacher, i feel sumhow like a giant TP (Teachers Pet) i cant help it tho i completely like this man, the change over from my difference classes is a nightmare, i mean i walk past his department frist so tht wastes time, if i dont hear him i walk to the libary where he might be pickin up his mail... i mean i feel like a stalker, and yeah there are days like you that i also dont bother with him and i dont talk to him, yet the days i dont bother him he comes up n praises me and i feel the need to contribute sumthin into the conversation. I think you should list down all of his bad points, and whenever you see him point them out to yourself, i mean how can u continue to like a man so much if you continously point out his bad points, or... if tht dont work as it probs wont as it was a stupid idea as for a class change, i wish i could do tht lol bt theres only one music teacher in my skl and i love music too much to drop it as a subject so im screwed, good luck.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (3 January 2008):
 This is a hard one. We don't have all the answers for complex issues. There's something going on here that you may need to seek professional help. There are crushes, obsessive crushes, then psychotic obsessions. Yours, unfortunately sees as if it borders a psychotic level. Don't think I'm calling you crazy, theres a difference between what most label as psychotic and the psychiatric meaning of it.
What separates your obsessive behavior from the so called crazy is you recognize it's inappropriate, and your behavior its self frightens you. Those who've past that border really don't recognise there is anything wrong with they way they behave.
I want you to recognize your need for help from two different areas. The first is you, to tone down these obsessive behaviors. Second it for others. This behavior can be dangerous. If you knew everything about me, I'd stay far away, because I know by not could have a possability of being dangerous to my health.
It's OK to have a crush, to like someone, even feel a love for them, but you have to draw that line. Once it's become an obsessions your feelings could become unhealthy for your state of mind as well.
If we had more information, it would be of greater help. Such as, where do you think this behavior stems from? Has there been a time where you really wanted something, and worked hard to get it, just to end up lossing out in the end? How was life growing up? Were friends or relatives obsessed in other areas, or maybe even had OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
Since your birth, if you weren't obsessing over every guy you met, there must be a cause for why this form of behavior is coming out now in the manner that it is.
Good luck with everything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): I def. think that you should stay away just because he is a teacher and i know how that would look. Yes i do believe you did well acting like a spy but i think you took it too far. plus if you have been too busy with this guy and not looking at the others around you, maybe one of your classmates has developed these same kind of feelings for you. You never know you could have a nice relationship with someone that is closer to your age and you would be able to have a more relaxed relationship instead of trying to act older then your age. Just saying.
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A
female
reader, Whitestarr  +, writes (3 January 2008):
actually, check out this articlehttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/teachers-and-students-what-is-going-on-with.html
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A
female
reader, Whitestarr +, writes (3 January 2008):
well, this sounds like a tough one. maybe you can get interested in guys that are your age? (since there are lots of them in your engineering school?) well, i'd say just follow your heart and protect yourself, and you should be fine.good luck!
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A
male
reader, adrsep4 +, writes (3 January 2008):
Definietly don't run away. for your first problem, even most people won't admit it, they obsess the way u do. i know i do sometimes. all u probably want is know him better and don't be afraid to talk to him the best way to Solve both your problems is just to casually get to know him. it can't hurt. after u do all that it should Be better if youre still confused just post an update. hope i helped and as for your english it wasn't perfect but good :)
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