A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok this is kind of an awkward question to ask but I need to know. Today I hooked up with this kid. I'm really not very experienced but this seemed odd to me. The minute we started kissing he tried to unzip my pants and made it clear that he wanted to have sex. I told him that I didn't want to and wasn't going to have sex with him, but after I said that he proceeded to retrieve a condom from his drawer. We made out for a long time and neither of us was wearing a shirt but we were both wearing pants. The weird thing that happened was that the entire time we were making out, he kept pressing himself against me and like Idk this sounds so weird but essentially humping me. He constantly moved me into different sexual positions and went through the movements even though we were clothed. I didn't stop it which is my fault but I don't know.. is it normal for this to happen while two people are just making out? I feel somewhat violated but then again I really don't know if he was doing anything wrong because I said no to sex but we didn't have sex? Idk I'm extremely confused and need some opinions..
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, I really appreciate the advice. I'm glad that this is somewhat normal lol. I wasn't really sure what he was doing at the time, I thought that it was his way of trying to get me to have sex with him which is why the entire time I kept saying "I'm not going to have sex with you". I don't really understand how that was even pleasurable for him though. It still seems weird to me. He would like flip me over onto my stomach, pick me up and hold me strattling him, drag me to the end of the bed and other stuff. Sorry this is probably way tmi but I just really don't get how doing all that stuff was even enjoyable for him since it wasn't real. I'm baffled lol
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): If you weren't comfortable with what he did tell him that you don't want to do that again. If you didn't like where you set the boundary before then set it again. In this case neither one of you did wrong but mistakes were made. You thought you would be ok with going only so far but no farther and he thought you would be ok as long as he didn't penetrate you. Talk to him so you can both learn from this experience and become better people for it.
I agreed with rcn up until the 1 in 4 statistic which comes from a study that included looking and commenting as assault.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (1 January 2008):
 Some guys will not take no for an answer. Usually in these cases the girl will feel that she has done something wrong. You did not do wrong in telling him to stop but he did wrong in seeing how far he could get with you after you told him no.
However, you should have set a line and not allowed him to cross it. Now he knows he can push a little more each time and maybe get what he wants.
He has proved his intentions and if you don't put a stop to it he will keep trying till he gets there. Doc
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 January 2008):
 You did OK, there was no penetration. You did more than quite a few girls have done in keeping yourself from having sex. You drew the line, and he knew not to cross it. All though he did dry hump.
You may feel violated because this was something different for just making out. It would have been a clear violation if he persisted to go for your pants after you said no.
I want to you always remember this. It's your body, you dictate what you allow and what you don't. Never let anyone tell you what you have to do with it. Even in a sexual reltionship you're still the person with the power over yourself. If you say NO I'm not in the mood, that means NO. Guys will try to take advantage, be strong for yourself and never let anyone do anything you don't approve of them doing.
Also make sure, as you did here, you set your boundaries up front, that way you might avoid being a tease, which is your right to say NO, but it can cause slight pain for the guy. Make it known you're not going to have sex, and if you fool around at all, that's not an invitation to violate you.
I hope this helps. I went a bit more in debth because 1 out of every 4 women in the US will be sexually assaulted before they graduate from High School, and if you learn to say no, you'll be come one where it's just an attempt and not being one of the four.
Take care and have a wonderful New Year.
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