A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm 24 years old. At the age of 16 I had a teenage pregnancy which I decided to abort. It all went a bit complicated and they couldn't abort and I was asked back over the next few days but I miscarried as a result of the first botched abortion.Everything was fine until recently. I keep thinking about it and it plays on my mind all the time as I get older. I feel like I have a huge burden to bear and I haven't had a boyfriend since it happened. Sometimes I lie awake and think about it. I don't have horrible regrets, that's the strange thing.... I just think about it.I feel like I want to talk to someone (not therapy!) just a friend, but I don't know how to bring the subject up cos my friends (now) don't know what happened and I just want to talk about it to get it all out. How do I bring it up in conversation????Xxxx
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 Use a third person. Say it is one of your best friend. That way , you friend won't know it is you and you could be expressing from your experience as though it is from that best friend.
Nobody has to know that it was you.
A
female
reader, citris  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 when you are comfortable with the right person you'll be able to talk about it with them. It's still hard to broach the subject, but If you're in your twenties maybe a girlfriend has gone through something similar. it doesn't hurt to ask. or ask if they know someone else who has.
If you really can't seem to talk to anyone face to face, try online. even if it is just a stranger. Talking helps to release things and work through things that we may not be albe to in our own mind. Getting another persons response can greatly help us on our paths of healing, moving forward or otherwise advance us in our lives. Best of luck to you and if you need a ear/shoulder/person feel free to contact me. I've been through it myself. I'm 28 have had one elected abortion and one medically neccesary abortion. I also miscarried with my first pregnancy. I thought for a very long time after the second abortion that people would judge me as a whore or a horrible person if they found out. I finally realized that anyone who refused to listen to my story, or thought those negative things about me didn't know the real me and if they don't know the real and whole me they can't place any valid judgement on me. That alone helped allow me to talk about it to the people close to me and eventually it's become a part of my past and something that I am not ashamed of and able to discuss if need be with partners/boyfriends and others.
just remember, everything takes time.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 January 2008):
 It's OK to say you're still affected by this. You say, no regrets. I bet if you dig deep enough you'll find them. You haven't had a boyfriend since, and lie awake thinking about it. All though you're not crying, deep pain sometimes just lies around until it's noticed, and many times you don't know how it's affected you until you confront it.
I'd just bring it up to a friend, that you can trust and won't spread rumors. Let them know you really need to get it off your chest. A real friend will listen and not judge you, or what took place.
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A
female
reader, cheryluk24 +, writes (15 January 2008):
 I understand exactly wot ur saying i went through the same thing at the age of 17 i am now 25 and still havent said anything bout it as i got older i felt the same but i cant change the decision i make back then.
I sometimes lay awake and think bout it and sometimes think wot if i had done things different i done have regrets for doing it cause at the time it was right decision for me.
Even now it still hurts and like u i wish there was someone i could turn to and talk to but i have coped with it for 8 years now so i just get on but will never forget it if u want to private message me and talk u can it will help me too.
take care hope to hear from u soon x x x x x x
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