A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i broke up withmy boyfriend of 4 years but we got back together after about 4 weeks now been together a further 3 months, i feel like i made a mistake i really like this guy (who i was seeing whilst we were apart) and i feel like i just need to be on my own and try life on my own as we have been together since i was 15. i really dont want to hurt him again as it will kill him, when we got back 2gther he said he couldnt go through that again and kept asking am i sure i wont do it again. i thought i was what do i do??
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (1 January 2008):
 souds as if your a bit confused on which direction to take. Let me tell you a bit about why it's extrememly important to build yourself before bieng with someone else.
I've personally worked with behaviors for 14 years. Studying and analysing how and why and the affects of. It's been a chore, but has also prompted me to deicide to live my life single (my goal is until death do I part).
Asside from that, there is a gal I like, that I believe would be a good partner, which is very strange for me to say. She has a high character, high morals, same religious beliefs, etc. With everyone I've been exposed too over the years, It's taken 14 to find someone I could really see something happening with. Now if it does or doesn't may be different, but my point is, to find someone real special, it takes time. It's not seeing someone and how they look, or how they make you laugh with a joke that qualifies them as a potential long term partner. It goes much deeper than that. You need to really know yourself and who you are before you're able to really be in a position to make a good choice for yourself. I believe "true" love exists. I think it's becomming extinct because so often we settle or go with someone for the wrong reasons, instead of really taking our time to match up who we are with what we're looking for.
You may need to end it with both and figure out what you're really looking for in someone. I'd rather take that time, and even spend years looking to find someone who blesses ever moment being with them, then settle time and time again and not ever realling finding that special someone. I remember a statement, but i can't remember where i heard it, a guy said to a girl "I'm not looking for someone i can live with, i'm looking for someone I can't live without." I think that really sums it up.
Take care and good luck.
A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (31 December 2007):
 Sounds like you need to step back a bit and examine your relationship with him a little closer.
Think about the reason(s) you separated from him in the first place.
What will happen if you go back with him?
Are you going to end up in the same situation all over again. If you do you will just end up separating all over again.
The only one that can decide if you made a mistake is you. Doc
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