A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 5 years and we recently got engaged! But he doesnt know that I have been seeing one of his mates behind his back for about 5 months!I know what I am doing is wrong and we have tried to stop it so many times but we just end seeing each other again!Our feelings for one another have grown and have fallen in love with each other!He doesnt like doing this to one of his friends but says that he cant help the way he feels about me. I love my fiancae very much and I want to be with him! I couldnt imagine losing him!But at the same time I cant help being in love with this other guy and dont want to loose him either!I know that I cant have it both ways and that I will have to make a desicion! I just dont want to hurt anyone! (although that is impossible)!I know people go thrtough this situation everyday but I feel like such a horrible person!
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (28 January 2008):
WHYYYYYYY???? Sorry to ask you this but as a man who's been cheated on,i always tend to ask this question.What does this other guy have that your fiancee hasn't got?What keeps drawing you to his friend every time you decide to stop?Does his friend make you happier than your fiancee? You really need some time on your own and think things over seriously.It also seems you are not ready to choose between any of the two coz you think you love them both.I feel you are merely loyal to your fiancee and are more in love with his friend.If you really want your fiancee,break it off with his friend and confess before he starts blackmailing you.I've never believed in loving two people at da same time.I need not remind you that what you are doing is horrible and the longer you let it drag,the higher the chances of messing up your life.Gather your guts and make a final decision,you know what will make you happy!
Good Luck.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 January 2008):
 You will have to ask yourself which guy do you love more?
Who will be able to give you a better life?
If you cannot decide , then you need to toss a coin to decide.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): My only comment is that both you and the BF's friend CHOSE to cheat.
Spare everyone all of this "I couldn't help it" crap. Either somebody had a gun to your head or you chose to do it. The people who remain faithful to their partners aren't just the ones who don't have any urges to cheat.
The first step towards growing up and making amends is to stop distancing yourself from your own decisions. You had the power to choose again every single time you cheated, and every single time you chose to continue cheating.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (28 January 2008):
 Your right, it will be impossible to do this without hurting. You're feeling horrible says you know what the right thing to do is. You have to tell your fiance. Not being honest makes the guilt grow and grow. He may forgive you, and he may decide it's not time to get married, but as you make the choice to see his friend, you owe it to your fiance to be able to make that choice for himself.
Coming clean is the only way to do this. Don't enter into a marriage with secrets. It won't remain a strong bond if you do.
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