A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i haven't spoken to my family in over 10yrs and since new year an aunt of mine has been trying to get in touch with me through a private detective. When i was 17 i realised i was a lesbian and started a relationship with a girl at school, we got caught and my family being devout catholics were far from happy,after much arguing i was forced from the house and disowned. Ive made a good life for myself away from them, i have a career i love and some fantastic friends. So far the PI hasn't been able to find me largely because im known by a nick name but also because my CO is very protective of his soldiers and when he found out about this informed me. Unfortunately he cant keep me hidden forever. I guess i wont some advice do i contact my aunt? i have no interest in catching up on family news or how my parents are doing, but part of me is curious why shes trying to contact me now after so long.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): Well done for building a life independently from your family. If they had been worthy of you they would have valued you for all you are. Put yourself first. Is there anything that this aunt could have to offer you that you would actually want? If so, maybe it's worth contacting her yourself, so that you are the one who is in control, without giving away anything about your life and location. For example, some time when you are well away from your usual location you could telephone her, and simply ask her what she wants. If you feel that even this amount of contact with your aunt might spoil things for you in any way, or damage your peace of mind, it's probably not worth the risk. If you liked your aunt, and she didn't have a chance to help you back then because she didn't know what was happening or she had no way of contacting you, perhaps it would be possible to enjoy a relationship with her but it would probably remind you of the rest of your family who you would rather forget. Only you know whether your aunt could have anything to offer you that would make this worthwhile. Whatever you do, she is the one who needs you for something, not the other way round. Make sure you keep it that way, or at least that it doesn't reverse to the opposite.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): i advise u to forget about your aunt and go on with your wonderful life
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (27 January 2008):
 It's up to you. It depends on if your ready to make that move or not. Let me ask you this, growing up in their family, building your life etc. Realistically, how many people has Jesus turned His back on? If it were me, I'd let her contact me, but curiosity would eat me up if I didn't. She may be doing it on behalf of your parents or on behalf of herself. Sometimes, all though a parent doesn't approve, other family members still want ties to that person.
I'd see what she wants, and do what's best for you. I don't believe in what they chose to do. Just because your lifestyle is something they don't see as being OK, it's your life. If my children do things, and get into mischief (which does happen) one thing I never do is turn my back, it's during the difficult times that we, as a family, need eachother the most.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): I'm very much against a parent turning their back on their child, no matter the circumstance. I always feel disheartened over families who 'shun and disown' others, instead of offering tolerance, support and acceptance. When disowning a family member, it's usually because of a controlling, unhealthy dynamic within the family, to begin with. Family should be a haven, a safe, warm place to be, when we need it. There is only value in 'family' when there is love, generosity and sharing. I admire your strength in surviving this painful event in your life.
You said, "Unfortunately he (your CO) cant keep me hidden forever." So why should you live your life, in hiding? If you like your life as it is right now...no one can disrupt or interfere with, it unless you allow it.
Clearly, from your posting-you sound a bit anxious that a family member is in touch. Are you scared that the family will try to 'pull you back into their world'? They can't do that. You have empowered your own life...so keep it that way.
There could be any number of reasons 'why' your Aunt is searching for you. If it's been 10 years and no contact from family...there could be a family crisis (an illness, a death) of some sort. You won't know unless you respond. Can you not call her and just ask? You don't have to tell her, where you are. If you find out there, she is doing this just on behalf of your parents, then perhaps your parents should be locating you or initiating contact themselves. You may have to tell her that, but do it calmly and with grace. On the other hand, if your Aunt pressures you to come back to the family, you make you own decision. Yes or no. Remember, you are a independent, happy, free thinking adult individual, who makes her own life choices.
All I will say is...If you are ready, you will have to set some clear boundaries on how you will be treated. I say this because, you might be going back into a painful, hurtful circumstance. And your family must try to understand the meaninfulness of 'acceptance'. Acceptance is a hard but worthwhile character trait to cultivate, in this day and age. Go slow and take your time making this decision, dear. Good luck and take care.
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