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He never came home last night. He cheated before... I'm lost. Can you help?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 January 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2008)
A female Ireland age 41-50, *ollymay writes:

I don't know what to do i'm with my partner 9 years we have two boys. two years ago when i was pregnant he had two affairs and used stay out all nyt i kicked his ass out when i found out and 6 months later i took him back but i told him never to treat me bad again, but this weeked he wanted to go out with his brothers and sisters friday night so i didn't mind at all even though when he was cheating on me his brothers and sisters used go out with him and the two girls he was seeing and used be able to come into my home and act as if nothing had happened and i was 7 months pregnant so he went out at 7pm last night only he never came home again and i had to take the day off work today because he minds our children on saturday's. and i'm now here it 8:44pm saturday night and still no sign i rang his phone at 7:30 this morning but he turned off the phone.he sent me a few texts but not to say sorry or he was coming home. one said he was on his way to meet a friend for a drink at 4pm today another, at 7pm to know would i go out to meet him. What do i do I am not a push over but it feels like he is making a fool out of me and i never let myself go infact he hates me going out with my friends in case some one chats me up we are ment to be going on a holiday next week but i think i should cancel it. we usually get on so well not many fights and always able to talk but when he acts like this i just want to break up as i think i deserve better. Please help me i don't know what to do

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A female reader, mollymay Ireland +, writes (28 January 2008):

mollymay is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all so much i really have had a think and i think your right time to move on i'd say. he arrived home sunday morning and i sent him packing but he is calling saying sorry crying i've seen and heard it all before.

to laura i was told about the girls by a friend and then i took his phone bill went through it and found the numbers so i rang them and explained who i was and they told me everything so i confronted him and he came clean.

And to Guardian, rcn, Waterloo sunset,& Dawnie, thank you all so much i'm lost and you really helped me see what i guess i already knew. Don't want to involve my family too much and i think i just needed a new view. thank you again for your kind words they have not went unheard, me and my son's are very greatful to you anfd the time you took to reply and try to help me. xxx Lorraine

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (27 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntDid you have any concrete proof that he was cheating on you? (Like hiring a PI and taking pixs )How did you know he was cheating?( He admitted it?) Did you see with your own eyes ?

You have a communication problems with him. You should go out to meet him for a one to one talk and see what is his problem, and how best to settle your differences. If you need , get a friend as a mediator to cool things when they get out of hand.

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A female reader, Dawnie United Kingdom +, writes (27 January 2008):

Dawnie agony auntYou can't go on like this, him staying out all night without letting you know his plans, especially with his past history. I can't believe he has not contacted you, you gave him a second chance, he has now blown it. You need to get on with your own life for the sake of your children, build a life of your own, if he wants the single life, that his problem. He will soon realise what it has cost him. He's a fool.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008):

You need to be firm with this one. Change the locks and move on. I know what you are say, but just how long can you really go on like this. I have been through this in the past and it brings you mentally down to your knees. If you cannot talk some sense into him first, then i would split with him.

take care

xx

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (27 January 2008):

rcn agony aunti feel for your situation too. i think he's not respecting you, your relationship and definately not your kids. it's one thing for you to cancel work, but for him to not show up and fulfill his obligation to his children.

i have to tell you, good relationships do not look like this. if i were you, i'd be thinking about making a change.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008):

I really feel for you in the situation your in especially when there's children in the equuation. However, believe me when I say this. A leopard never changes its spots and if he's done it once and got away with it he'll do it again. He's been very disrespectful, staying out all night and not calling you with an explanation. I'm afraid to say this but he's behaving like a single guy and its up to you if you want to be treated this way or not. If you allow this one to go he will have the strength of you if he hasnt already. I know its hard but if you could just find the strength to walk away you would be doing yourself a favour because it will happen again, mark my words. Is that the kind of life you want? You have a choice babes and you deserve better than this. If you have any friends or family please confide in them and see if someone will help you with your situation. He doesnt deserve you.

Take care and good luck

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