A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found a fake rubber sex toy resembling a woman’s vagina in my boyfriend’s closet! I got furious at him and threw it at his face and said “What’s this?” He got angry at me back and said it wasn’t my business, and he had it long before he knew me. I am so angry at him now I haven’t spoken to him in a week. He keeps calling me and said he would throw it away and he’s sorry. But why would he have such a toy and keep it in his closet? Aren’t I enough for him? I think this is a form of cheating…Am I wrong here? He thinks I am crazy, and exaggerating. He’s been my boyfriend for a year now…I love him, but I never had this situation before. I have never used sex toys before and I think they are disgusting.
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female
reader, Boom237  +, writes (10 September 2015):
The “creepy” factor with these fleshlights starts with the website... you go there and you land on the welcome page and there are a few toy sections, the Classics and the Ladies version. Click on the ladies version and the porn star who’s vagina has been molded to create the fleshlight is posing with the sex toy for you to choose from. You can choose from her mouth, her ass or her vagina for your personal fleshlight experience. I personally find this very unsettling. Men already masturbate to porn, do they really need a body part double of her too? Women’s toys, the ones the majority of women buy, have no realism at all except that they are phallic in nature. Women aren’t buying sex toys to imagine having sex with the man it was perhaps molded after but the Fleshlight website makes it very clear that you are getting to experience that girl’s body part when you buy that toy. Even the women’s toy section on the Fleshlight website shows female porn stars using these spacey looking toys on themselves, no pictures of naked male porn stars anywhere posing with their dick doubles; the double standard is bullshit - the whole site is for men, as are the majority of sites I have looked into recently. Most toy sites I have looked at cater to men, so they are full of porn stars and explicit sexual imagery presumably because men are visual creatures and women are not? If they cater to women, they have barely any photos at all, minimalist sexual imagery of any kind and the toys are not built in any way to pretend you are fucking someone else, for achieving climax and nothing else. This is apparently because women tend to have more difficulty than men at achieving orgasm which is why vibrating toys are more commonly purchased over insertion toys as fewer than 10% of women climax from penetration only. While it is perfectly natural for a man to masturbate as much as he wants in whatever way he likes, the product itself with its advertised realism options to suit your porn star fantasies crosses a bit out of non threatening and normal masturbation and into fantasy play. Women’s toys hardly compare to the real thing...the Fleshlight website even instructs you on how to warm it up first, lube it up, mount it to a base and close your eyes and imagine you’re fucking a porn star, every guy’s fantasy right? It is bad enough that porn and the shitty sex quality it portrays and teaches men is so pervasive in our culture, but come on, please start making sex toys for men that are about masturbation and getting off easier, not a realistic ‘fucking another woman’ fantasy. Lets make it an even playing field shall we?
A
male
reader, dman4u2 +, writes (23 September 2010):
yea i hate to say it but you might be in the wrong here, i mean its just a sex toy in a sense its no diffrent that you having a dildo or vibrating showerhead its got nothing to do with your relationship other than its something that he uses to sexually gratify himself, as for it being disgusting really a bad reason to dislike or cause grief over something you have to talk to your boyfriend as for cheating ....lol ha ha ha
if your really think a fleshy intimate cold toy could be the same as your experience then you really have low self worth and self esteem im disappointed that you have such a closed mind its like saying masturbation is the same as cheating by that point a man will cheat on you if you leave him no ways to relieve his tensions.
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A
male
reader, Ben77 +, writes (28 April 2009):
I think your boyfriend is using a rubber vagina as a sign of respect for you. Like millions of young men, he's a horn-dog with a perpetual erection. He could pester you for sex 24/7, he could go out and try to pick up a woman with the same high sex drive as himself, or he can find new, innovative ways to spank the monkey. Just remember that toy can't give him syphilis (unless it's been sleeping around), nor can it steal him away from you. In reality, you owe that rubber vagina a big favor.
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A
male
reader, moose99669 +, writes (23 September 2008):
ok, listen if you a guy..having a erection is a giant annoyance. it probly has nothing to do with you he probly just likes it better then a bare hand because i know that fake vagina's and stuff are better, he more then likly just uses it you remind him self of you or to "bust" a quick nut
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): I pity the man who will be your future husband. He likely wont discover the degree of issues you've got until the marriage is over and done with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): You are insecure. get over yourself. If your boyfriend wants to be with you physically then there's no problem. If he avoids having sex then yeah, there's a problem.Women use Dildo's, men use their hand or if they can be bothered to buy something different they use a fake vagina. Is it cheating when a woman uses a Dildo? No. Same goes for your guy with his toy...A quote from the film Aliens, "...it's just a piece of plastic." It's not another woman. Ever had a headache? Ever not felt like sex? Ever been away for days? What's your guy to do? Men NEED to masturbate... it relieves stress and heck it can even help prevent the most prevalent form of male cancer - prostate cancer!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): Phew. I'm with those who say you are over-reacting, and those who say your reaction is unreasonable. If you didn't know it, guys and masturbating are two things commonly found together. I would never promise to stop masturbating if a woman made that a condition of having a relationship with her.
I don't mean this to sound like an attack, but how did you stumble across this anyway? Surely he didn't leave it out for you to find it? I know I'd be pissed if someone was digging though my personal stuff.
You probably either need to pack your bags and exit, or eat some humble pie and attempt to salvage by apologizing. I suspect if he were to go through with getting rid of his toy, he'd regret it at some point.
For those who think this device is odd, go to wikipedia or answers.com and look up FLESHLIGHT. The fleshlight has revolutionized a timeless practice.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 If you find it disgusting then you find it disgusting, but throwing it in his face and starting a fight over it is not a good way to resolve this. You owe him an apology for that. You really need to answer his phone calls too. What you are doing is not a grown-up way to deal with a situation.
You might ask your self why exactly you find sex toys so disgusting. They're really only bits of plastic or rubber. Somewhere in the answer to that is the reason why you reacted as powerfully (and badly) as you did.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (26 January 2008):
 First of all, to the anonymous poster, cheater is a lot less than penetrative sex. Holding hands with another person behind your partners back is cheating. That is not debatable. If' you're doing something secretive, it's cheating.
As for the question asker, did you over react? BIG TIME !! This has nothing to do with you and he was correct when he said it was none of your business. Have you EVER masturbated in the last year? If so, was it because your boyfriend wasn't enough for you? You're trying to make this into something about you and your worth in the relationship. It's not you. Would it be different if you knew he masturbated with his hand one night when you were not there? Do you really feel you have the right, need, desire to control his personal habits regarding this?
You should seriously rethink your view of this. Everybody has there idea of what is pleasing. I'll admit that the picture of a person using a sex toy like that could appear to be a little funny, but so what. The entire act of sex probably looks funny to someone watching. It catches us at our most basic level.
He should never have apologized to you and you should not be punishing him. If you try to have this amount of control over him you'll eventually lose him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): He could of had that long before he met you, maybe he likes it like alot of women like dildos. Ok so you found this thing, it may have been a joke and he is sorry - even though he hasn't even done anything wrong.
Let me ask you a question. Would you rather him use a real womens vagina or a fake rubber one?
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 There are many who would disgaree with you including millions of women who have vibrators or dildos.
But if you think it's disgusting, that's Ok. We're all entitled to our own views. Nobody is right and nobody is wrong.
The consequence of this though is that you are not compatible because if you find this disgusting, you will inevitably transpose that feeling onto him, and find him disgusting.
So, go your separate ways. Don't be a future divorce statistic. Find someone more suitable. Same for him.
Good luck, Richard
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Really. wow. How old are you again? That has to be the stupidest reason to get SO angry at someone. Seriously. Chill. It is not a big deal.
Sorry but after something like that i wouldn't take YOU back! You were over reacting. He likes to use sex toys. so what. Guys feel horny a lot of the time. Sometimes the hand does not cut it? So if he wants to use it let him. Just because you don't masturbate and use toys doesn't make it disgusting, it is not cheating. The vagina isn't alive.
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A
female
reader, Sex Kitten  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 My dear, you have really got to chill out!! No, using a sex toy is not cheating - you need to be with another person in order to cheat. You're boyfriend is right, you are completely exaggerating! I think the real issue is that you find sex toys disgusting and now that you've found out that your boyfriend has one, it has caused you to overreact. The use of sex toys are a personal preference and is really not a bad thing at all - myself for one enjoy using them with and without my boyfriend - he knows that I use them when he's not around and he doesn't see that as me cheating on him!! You have got to calm down and talk to your boyfriend about this before your relationship ends over something so trivial.
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (26 January 2008):
 I'm sorry but your post did sound funny. I think you over reacted a little as to me personally finding a sex toy is no real issue. I think you should talk to him and have a laugh about it. It could have been a lot worse. I think the fact that you find sex toys disgusting is the real problem here. Your b/f has tried phoning you and has even said he would throw it away, talk to him. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 For his own sexual pleasure when he wants a quickie.It is not that he loves you less or that he prefers that plastic.It is just a substitute and nothing more.
What is disgusting to you may not be disgusting to others. We should keep an open mind that we are all different and a man and a woman do not feel the same or think on the same levels.
First of all, we should not dig into our partners closet.This is not appropriate. We should respect their privacy.You would not want him to dig into all your private things.
Secondly , if we found anything inappropriate, we should just ask for an explanation if we do not understand.
He has his reasons which we may not be aware.
I think you have over reacted. You could have smiled at him and say ,"Is this your other g/f?" Ha! Ha!...It is just a small issue but you have magnified it till you don't talk to each other.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Woman, take a chill pill.Cheating is penetrative sex with another person, and this includes blow-jobs and to an extent passionate kissing.Unless that is a real woman's mouth on that thing it ain't cheating.So chill out and get over it. Some people happen to like sex toys and they can be used to spice things up in the bedroom with frigid chicks like you.SO grow up, stop believing that magical storks bring children and embrace the world of sex.Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 January 2008):
 You may or may not be going overboard. It depends, when did he use it last. How long has he lived where he's at? I know my closet doesn't get cleaned out regularely. Not talking to him, isn't going to solve your issues, just fuel the anger you all ready have about it. Talk to him, and pleave remember this in the future. Throwing rubber sex toys in your boyfriends face, is still considered domestic violence in the U.S. I think I'd have difficulty representing that one in court and keep a streight face.
I'd just talk with him, and see if this can be resolved.
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (26 January 2008):
 Give him another chance, the stuff like tha't isnt cheap so he could very well be telling the truth about it, being old he just doesnt want to waste the money by throwing it away. But if he is willing to throw it away if you will forgive him then you should seriously give him another chance, it means he respects you enougth to get rid of it if it will make you happy and set things right again.And why he has it to begin with, is so if he cant be with you he can serve himself more or less. I wouldn't consider it cheating myself but i can see why some one can think that. That's my opinion.I hope u can work things out good luck!
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A
female
reader, Ele  +, writes (26 January 2008):
Just because you think sex toys are disgusting doesn't mean that a lot of people will agree with you. I for one think there is nothing wrong with sex toys.
He bought this before he met you, so really it has nothing to do with you. Just because he still has it doesn't mean he still uses it. Maybe he didn't want to throw it out and have the neighbours see it. Who knows? Even if he doesn't use it he probably still masturbates. Is masturbation cheating too?
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