A
female
age
30-35,
*andi_addikt
writes:okay so my best friend from college called me at 3am crying because of her boyfriend was beating her up..i had noticed a swollen lip and couple bruces in march.. she game me excuses okay what ev she dont wann tell me what ev... but now she told me and shes fed up with her bf,hitting her and cheatin on her with groupies... oh fyi hes a tagger and is on probation... my advice was for her to leave his ass. get restraining order against him and sent his ass to jail... idk if thats too much punishment but im sure he deserves it. oh n he makes her pay for his stuff..but she dnt want to do any of it. she doesnt listen. they been together for 2 yrs and 1/2 of that hes been treating her lik ish and cheatin on her.... she tried callin the police but he had hit her for that and now she doesnt want too... what advice can i give her for her to listen to me, any thing will help just to open her eye
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female
reader, kandi_addikt +, writes (7 August 2009):
kandi_addikt is verified as being by the original poster of the question um shes still with him n more inlove gosh
she stopped talkin to me for a while after she got bak with him...
but im very supportive n there for her... were taking kickboxing clasess together hopefully it helpss her n going out on her bday
A
female
reader, LRKLMH  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 Women who have been battered are in a very emotional state. They may leave several times and return back, because once they leave there abuser they are emotionally crippled many times having a low self of stem(they make thing no one else would want them, they cant do any better ect.) Remember most physical abuse also has a lot of emotional abuse with it. Its frustrating to put a lot of work into helping them and then have them run back. But don't give up as she loses her friends and family her abuser gains more power over her. SO DON'T GIVE UP ON HER! Her lying come from her protecting her abuser remember through the abuse she loves him, and when she leaves him and he sweet talks her by saying sorry and that it will stop she desperately wants to believe him. I would suggest taking her to a battered women s shelter. It maybe a bump road and you may not be fully able to help but the more people she has to help her through the less power he has on her. You make want an intervention such as drug addicts loved ones use, I would suggest contacting a therapist to help with this due to the fact that this method can only be used once and from the emotional breaking point where she can clearly see she needs help you only have 72 hours to get her to a safe place so you should have that all lined up before hand. Hold in there and read more on this topic... Anger and blowing her off don't help. Show her love and compassion and i believe you two can pull through.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 June 2009):
 If she calls again the answer is, "duh, that's what happens when you're with someone who beats up women." Then simply tell her you'll call on her behalf. If she says not too, then tell her if he's not willing to do something, not to bring it up to you when this happens. But let her know if she does, you'll be with her every step of the way, so she won't be alone.
You've heard the term "tough love"....Sometimes you need to be a bit tough, instead of just supportive. She needs to know you care, but you're not just going to hang out and be a shoulder when this happens over and over and over again.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (15 June 2009):
 Your friedn will not listen to you regardless of what you advise(and it was good of you to be as much of a friend as you have been to her, and you should be commended).
As hard as it is to understand, victims of abuse, much like addicts, will not get help until the bottom has fallen out. It may take her to get anotrher round of ass beating for no reason to wake up. You can give her your unconditional love, in that you will always support her, and even keep whispering this common sense in her ear, but she apparently will keep thinking that he will just come around and stop.
He wont, and short of getting involved physically and calling the cops on him yourself(you better have indisputable evidence you can show the cops if you do it) then I am afraid the only thing you can do is either love her as a friend, or stop being friends with her.
I am sure this must be just a horrible situation for you,and your BFF and I actually hope you will initiate something here, but I can only hope for that. What you do is entirely up to you
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A
female
reader, GabiLC +, writes (15 June 2009):
 Because of the length of the relationship, it is going to be hard to make her see your point of leaving him. You need to get her alone, sit her down and look her in the eye and tell her, for the last time, that she needs to leave. Then stand her in front of a mirror and show her want he has done. Now, with past experience, she feels that if she tries to leave him, he will find her and beat her more. Have options ready, such as a list of shelters and recovery organizations; you can usually open your phone book and find them. Let her know that they will help her personalyy. Then tell her that she can take your advice or leave it. Now, if you feel that you need to do more and that you are really tired to the situation, wait until she calls you about the next beating--- then call the police to the scene. You can be anonymous. Other than that, everything is up to her. I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Hi, I'm a little more concerned about you because you posted earlier that you thought you may have been raped and you are having panic attacks. You sound very assertive in this post and you haven't replied back to all the aunts that have tried to help you with your situation on the other post. I really hope you aren't playing some sort of game and trying to create posts that just get attention. I think you need to reply back and at least let all the people that are very concerned about you know that you are actually okay and have moved on to other things.
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A
female
reader, tammeirra  +, writes (15 June 2009):
well to answer your question as realistic as possible, I think regardless of what you say she has no intention of doing anything you say. I say that because if they have been together for 2 years and 1/2 of dat was bad in the first place it suggests she has already fallen in love with him and he has allowed her to think that what he is doing is ok because he loves her. what she needs is someone to listen and help her bring up her own strength and courage to leave him not telling her something she may already know. Support if the key factor yes it will take time but the most important thing is that she gets there and hopefull see him for his brainwashing schemes. I hope I didnt dissapoint you in my answer its just my opinion on the matter I hoped you found it useful though.
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