| A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: [Mod note: Assume this is a female poster for the purposes of answering.] How common is that ,when a man becomes impotent with their wife, they can't tell why?My husband does not know why, and he went to doctor and the doctor says he has no medical causes.No hormons, no any health condition.So ,he also has night erections.The question is. Is it possible,that is not possible to find out what is causing it? Because it is very hard for me to live with him, and not know, why he can't make love to me.Am I reasonable to feel upset? What can I tell to myself ,why? Is it really that hard to find out the cause? Because without knowing the cause, how can it be treated or handeled?Thanks so uch for any suggestions...
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): from a guy...
Since he is having nocturnal erections during sleep, we can skip all the diabetes, blood pressure stuff.
Yes you should be upset, except upset for him not at him. What did he do wrong? He went to the doctor and embarrassed himself. Some guys don't have the courage to do that. Even if he does not show it, he is already hugely embarrassed and humiliated and is beating himself up all day every day. Support him. This will pass and when it does you want him to like you right? You might need some emotional support one day, say with breast cancer or something.
How is his libido? There is a little known drug called Uprima that works in the brain that increases libido in men. (It does not work in women).
Anyway, his ED is very likely psychological. So, first try the standard ED meds. (and btw, do not use the word impotent ever again. Just use the initials ED).
If those meds don't work, the med of last resort is alprostadil which is injected into the base of the penis with a tiny needle. It is very expensive and has a medical limit on the number of uses per week. After injection the male has a very rapid erection that may last over an hour.
I don't like the idea of a needle near my penis but I like the idea of no sex even less.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 You went to the doctor, with no medical cause. How about a psychologist to check for mental causes of not being able to get it up. Stress, depression, anxiety etc. can all take a tole on ability to have sex. That's what I'd recommend. Quite often when something changes and it's not medical, it turns out to be psychological.
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