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This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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28 November 2010: Recently, I found this poem by Maya Angelou. I think it pretty well summarizes how women should feel about themselves. Here it is, in case it benefits anyone. PHENOMENAL WOMAN by Maya Angelou Pretty women wonder where my secret lies I'm n...
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This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 December 2008: Something one of my aunts sent me: When I was born, the doctor went to the waiting room and told my father: "We did all we could, but he was born alive". My mom didn't know whether she should keep me or the placenta. Since I was born before ...
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My boyfriend prefers masturbation/porn to sex???
Q. My boyfriend and I live together and have what others consider a perfect relationship. This is going to be a bit long winded, but I feel I need to start at the beginning so that it is all properly understood. When I first moved in, I quickly re...
A. 1 April 2008: Ooops! I forgot. You said you're to blame for this. What can you blame yourself for, dear? You need to stand your ground.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend prefers masturbation/porn to sex???
Q. My boyfriend and I live together and have what others consider a perfect relationship. This is going to be a bit long winded, but I feel I need to start at the beginning so that it is all properly understood. When I first moved in, I quickly re...
A. 1 April 2008: KanadianCutie, You have been misinformed: that behavior isn't normal and you're not paranoid nor sneaky. The fact that porn is such a huge business tells us that many people, men and women, look at it. But that doesn't mean that masturbatin... (read in full...)
Is a condom a psychological barrier to intimacy?
Q. My wife and I were having one of our weird philosophical discussions about sex and this question came up. Do men and/or women consider a condom a psychological barrier to intimacy? Let me try to explain this question. For the woman, is there ...
A. 25 March 2008: Your opinion counts, Jess.... (read in full...)
He wants to use me until he gets tired of my body and get's mad if I don't let him!
Q. I have a friend with benefits for over four years. One day he told me that he will soon get tired of my body. i have been waiting for him to get tired of my body for the last three years but he just keeps coming back for more. I am tired of him but ...
A. 24 March 2008: Missing Ma Baby,
It is sad that a young woman like yourself thinks that no one can ever love her. That is simply not true. Your father was a bad man, but that doesn't mean every man will be like that. And I see you need a lot of affectio... (read in full...)
He wants to use me until he gets tired of my body and get's mad if I don't let him!
Q. I have a friend with benefits for over four years. One day he told me that he will soon get tired of my body. i have been waiting for him to get tired of my body for the last three years but he just keeps coming back for more. I am tired of him but ...
A. 24 March 2008: Missin Ma Baby, I think I detect something wrong here.
1) He tells you that he will keep coming "until he gets tired of your body"
2) You say you've been waiting for that to happen, and you openly say you're tired of him.
3) Yet you also... (read in full...)
A married woman has fallen for me, and I like her a lot, what should I do now?
Q. Ok, so i'm in and odd situation and i really don't know what to do. let me explain and maybe y'all can help me out. First of all, let me go on to say that yes i know this is wrong i dont need any tips telling me i am a horrible perosn. I met thi...
A. 24 March 2008: Well, I hope this will help.
First, I don't think this lady joined a dating site "to find friends". This is not to say that she's mean or the negative adjective you can think of; it's just to say that I don't buy what she said. She joined t... (read in full...)
Is it abnormal to prefer to find chat mates here rather than get to know people in real life?
Q. Just wondering if there are some people to talk to on here. I need some friends, and maybe then I can think about other things. I don't know many people, and honestly, that is the way I prefer it. My question is this? Is this normal for someone ...
A. 24 March 2008: I wouldn't call it "abnormal", as this suggest your being a freak or something like that. I think that you have a serious problem relating to people in real life, and this problem is gone when you're not face to face. It might not have anything at ... (read in full...)
Is it time for me to lay my cards on the table and tell him to contribute??
Q. I have been in a relationship with a younger man now for three years and I am beginning to feel that I am being taken for granted but as it has gone on for so long dont know how to deal with the matter. We get on very well together and the age gap ...
A. 23 March 2008: I think it would be very good if you asked him to give a contribution to the household, and not only in terms of money but also with the house chores. I anticipate trouble, because now he is used to just extending his hand and having everything ... (read in full...)
My new GF is making me choose between her and my son from a previous relation because she views my ex as a threat. Is there a middle ground?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been going out for over a year now...we have had a fairly rocky relationship (mainly due to the fact i have a 2 year old son by another woman). It was fine to start with but as time has passed i have tried to keep my...
A. 23 March 2008: I think that one irrationality just can't serve as excuse for another. We know that cultures are different, et cetera, but I am yet to find one culture where one father is expected to just forget about his son because of a woman. And, whatever the ... (read in full...)
Can doing it "Doggie Style" be dangerous?
Q. my boyfriend and I love having sex doggy style. but afterwards it feels like there is air in my abdominal area. is that dangerous?...
A. 23 March 2008: I only see one risk: getting to like it too much.... (read in full...)
He's told me that oral sex is something that he looks at as degrading and I've never had someone that loves me as he does - other guys feel this way?
Q. I'm in a relationship with a very wonderful guy. We compliment each other very well and have a very healthy relationship and can talk freely about any issues we have or feelings that need to be resolved. But there's one problem -- I can't understand ...
A. 23 March 2008: I have to start commending Uncle Phil on his humourous but truly remark about teeth :-), and, of course, also in his clever remark about oral sex not always being what it is said to be. I guess the easy summary would be that, as with the rest of ... (read in full...)
I found a condom that was supposedly from over a year ago but the lubricant was wet on the ouside of the condom!?
Q. My Mother in Law has been trying to sabotage my relationship with my husband ever since she realized how much he was interested in me. I even have a hard time believing the things she does to us. The other day me and my husband were moving furn...
A. 23 March 2008: Dear poster, this is an easy one. No lubricant can't stay wet for that long. Of course it was planted recently.
Don't let this woman get to you. The mere fact that you ask the question makes me see that you're beginning to doubt your husband.... (read in full...)
My new GF is making me choose between her and my son from a previous relation because she views my ex as a threat. Is there a middle ground?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been going out for over a year now...we have had a fairly rocky relationship (mainly due to the fact i have a 2 year old son by another woman). It was fine to start with but as time has passed i have tried to keep my...
A. 23 March 2008: This is a no-brainer. If she's making you choose, choose your son. How on earth could it be otherwise?
Your son is your son and it is your responsibility to look after him. You just must not forget about a son for a woman, no matter who she ... (read in full...)
Is a condom a psychological barrier to intimacy?
Q. My wife and I were having one of our weird philosophical discussions about sex and this question came up. Do men and/or women consider a condom a psychological barrier to intimacy? Let me try to explain this question. For the woman, is there ...
A. 23 March 2008: No problem, Troubled. This site is a great help for everyone, including the aunts, uncles, grand daddies and whatevers. The good think is to keep your mind and your heart moving, and to always want to know more and better. I commend you on this ... (read in full...)
Is a condom a psychological barrier to intimacy?
Q. My wife and I were having one of our weird philosophical discussions about sex and this question came up. Do men and/or women consider a condom a psychological barrier to intimacy? Let me try to explain this question. For the woman, is there ...
A. 23 March 2008: I think this issue can be viewed from many different angles.
We have Emmy Lou's and Tisha-1's opinion, that, in the end, sex with a condom is no different for them. Both say, however, that they do see a difference in men, in the sense that we ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to love someone you've never meet in person ?
Q. I have the most amazing boyfriend. He's a year older then me . I'm 15 and he's 16. He says he loves me and I love him so much . The only problem is that we don't go to the same school. I met him through a friend and I've never seen him in person . ...
A. 23 March 2008: "Wrong" wouldn't be the word I would use for this sort of love. I've known about people who fall in love and have never seen each other. Usually that happens between people who have a long connection, and who share their thoughts and opinions in ... (read in full...)
I really want to look HOT for my birthday! Any tips on a dress?
Q. My friends and I are having a debate over this dress. My birthday is coming up and I've invited this really fit guy who I have a massive crush on, so I really want to look really hot. Besides, it my birthday - I'm allowed to dress sexy on my ...
A. 22 March 2008: I followed the link, but had to do a little search to find the dress. I made sure I was looking at the same one. I also made sure I saw the catwalk thing before I gave an opinion :-). You know, I had to...
The dress looks right, in my opinion.... (read in full...)
He thinks I'm uptight but I just don't see myself with a non-Christian...what do I do?
Q. I have a hard time asking yet another question on here, because in a way I feel that the more I seek advice, the more I am enabling myself to not trust myself. But, I guess in my journey of setting boundaries and becoming less codependent, I feel ...
A. 22 March 2008: Seratuki, I clicked on your link and read it. I'm glad you added it, as now I see I need to be more careful in my use of the word "pagan". I didn't know your religion existed, by the way.
Poster, please don't take offense here. Once I read, in... (read in full...)
Do men prefer bigger breasts?
Q. ok, silly question but do guys prefair big boobs?! my bf is happy with mine but i just wana know what the general outlook on boobs are?...
A. 22 March 2008: Shadowre, you're Irish, so I think that very much means you're very white. Or that's the idea we have in the region where I live. You'd be a big hit here, pale or tan or whatever. My personal preference is pale, believe it or not, because, like a ... (read in full...)
He thinks I'm uptight but I just don't see myself with a non-Christian...what do I do?
Q. I have a hard time asking yet another question on here, because in a way I feel that the more I seek advice, the more I am enabling myself to not trust myself. But, I guess in my journey of setting boundaries and becoming less codependent, I feel ...
A. 22 March 2008: Poster, of course you're right in saying that you don't have to sleep with someone else just because you did it before. However, it is still true that you need to know what you really want. Whether your friend firted with these man who interests ... (read in full...)
He's 18 years older than me, does he want a wife or a nurse?
Q. I've met this man 18 years my senior while I was divorcing my husband of 22 years. He is supportive and attentive. He makes me feel loved and wanted. I was a bit worry about the age gap. He said it would be nice I could look after him when he ...
A. 22 March 2008: Dearkelja does it again! Excellent advice!... (read in full...)
He thinks I'm uptight but I just don't see myself with a non-Christian...what do I do?
Q. I have a hard time asking yet another question on here, because in a way I feel that the more I seek advice, the more I am enabling myself to not trust myself. But, I guess in my journey of setting boundaries and becoming less codependent, I feel ...
A. 22 March 2008: For starters, I believe that you're very clear about the role that Dear Cupid can play. We can offer opinions, but we can't take you by the hand or decide for you. That is for the poster to decide. What we do here, I guess, is help you see your ... (read in full...)
Why do guys break up with their girlfriends once they are comfortable?
Q. hello guys. I have always wondered why men always break up with their girlfriends once they get settled into a relationship. I'd like guys view on this....
A. 22 March 2008: My experience is that you don't break up with a girl when you get settled. Once the girl is part of your life, so to say, you can count on her for fun, love and companionship. At least I wouldn't break up with someone I feel comfortable with, and ... (read in full...)
To ladies, about sex: longer duration, better? To men: can you control when you climax?
Q. Does any of the ladies out there feel that when sex goes on for more than 2 hours it becomes boring and tedious and repetitive? I lose interest in having sex around an hour into the act, and I start to dry up and just want the guy to finish up. And ...
A. 22 March 2008: Other aunts have already answered the questions you asked, and I don't think I could add anything to that. However, I would like you to think beyond the questions.
What you have here is a young man who can sustain intercourse long enough, ... (read in full...)
He's 18 years older than me, does he want a wife or a nurse?
Q. I've met this man 18 years my senior while I was divorcing my husband of 22 years. He is supportive and attentive. He makes me feel loved and wanted. I was a bit worry about the age gap. He said it would be nice I could look after him when he ...
A. 22 March 2008: He might love you AND want you to be his nurse. I feel I really couldn't tell what is in his mind.
I do think the age gap is important. I don't know how old you are, but let's say you're 50, and then he's 68. Obviously he needs a nurse more tha... (read in full...)
Do men prefer bigger breasts?
Q. ok, silly question but do guys prefair big boobs?! my bf is happy with mine but i just wana know what the general outlook on boobs are?...
A. 22 March 2008: Generally, yes; men want big breasts. But that doesn't mean you can't love and be perfectly satisfied with someone who has smaller breasts. And, while you may go for the one with bigger breasts at first sight, that's not the reason why a man ... (read in full...)
I found his Nirvana hoodie in my laundry the other day with all these notes I never gave to him...
Q. Well, I have a lot of my exs stuff, but I think he wants me to have it all or just doesn't really care either way. Anyway, I found his Nirvana hoodie in my laundry the other day with all these notes I never gave to him, you see, I used to write ...
A. 22 March 2008: I wouldn't say it would be irrational, but I do believe there's no reason for you to give the notes to him. It seems to me that this would be your way to send him a message that you can't tell him directly. But I guess that sending him the shirt ... (read in full...)
I've changed my pubic/private area for my husband, what do you think? Advice anyone?
Q. My husband and I have had a lot of trouble with our marriage recently (he had an affair which dear cupid has helped me with and thanks again for that.) It has been hell but I still haven't come to a final decision because it's only 3 and a half ...
A. 21 March 2008: Dear poster, I would like to give you my opinion in private. Can you send me a message, so I can write you back?... (read in full...)
She's says she's not ready, but I found out about a one night stand in her past...what gives?
Q. I've been dating my partner for 3 month weve not yet had sex, I've ask her and she says she's not ready. Anyway I've just found out she had a one night stand with a guy in our local pub about 6 months ago. What gives? I'm confused and pissed off. ...
A. 21 March 2008: I respect everyone else's posts, as I think they offer complementary points of view. The poster might make his own summary and decide what to do. I just would like to add something: personally, I think it would be very bad to ask her about her ... (read in full...)
Does my ex really want me back after a bad breakup or are these just "booty calls"?
Q. Does my ex girlfriend want to get back together? we broke up, very badly, and did not talk for a month. I called her and invited her to a party at my house. she came. i kept things light and did not mention the relationship at all, and even kept ...
A. 21 March 2008: Wait, but not for too long. Let her come to you. Next time you talk to her, if she keeps giving you these mixed signals, tell her so, and tell her to come back to you if she makes her mind up. Also, tell her that, in the meantime, you are both ... (read in full...)
She's says she's not ready, but I found out about a one night stand in her past...what gives?
Q. I've been dating my partner for 3 month weve not yet had sex, I've ask her and she says she's not ready. Anyway I've just found out she had a one night stand with a guy in our local pub about 6 months ago. What gives? I'm confused and pissed off. ...
A. 21 March 2008: Hadn't seen Irish49's post when I wrote mine. Guy, you're getting la creme de la creme here (I'll be glad if you can think of me as whey).... (read in full...)
She's says she's not ready, but I found out about a one night stand in her past...what gives?
Q. I've been dating my partner for 3 month weve not yet had sex, I've ask her and she says she's not ready. Anyway I've just found out she had a one night stand with a guy in our local pub about 6 months ago. What gives? I'm confused and pissed off. ...
A. 21 March 2008: I think I see your point. Maybe what makes you angry is that she was willing to have sex with someone who was a passerby, and obviously didn't love her, but then she won't have sex with you, though you do have feelings for her. You care for her, ... (read in full...)
I'd like to get back together w/ my ex even though she cheated on me.
Q. My ex cheated on me with a womanizer. they were together for 8 months and then he cheated; everyone warned her but she wouldn't listen! I still have strong feelings for her, and (very illogical) would like to get back with her).. However, I don't...
A. 21 March 2008: This is a very convoluted story. What is clear, however, is that she likes to play games. Pay attention to my words: I'm not saying she's a player, as saying that would mean that she doesn't have serious relationships, and I can't say it, though ... (read in full...)
Help! I'm confused...
Q. With the same guy for 15 years, got engaged last July 2007 were supposed to be wed May 17.2008 and on February llth he told me he loves me like a room mate and not with the pazzaz. We called off the wedding and I moved back home. Tells me he still ...
A. 21 March 2008: I can understand your pain. You love him very much, and I feel that you want to fight for this relationship to the very last bullet. The problem is whether that last bullet has been fired or not.
Sometimes I feel like my opinions are too blun... (read in full...)
Does the condom diminuate sensations and would a slimmer type be a better choice in my case??
Q. I have just recently started having sex with my girlfriend. And it's great. We've planned everything well and have all the safety precautions and i seem to please her, however i cannot ejaculate when i'm having sex. I get tired before i ejaculate ...
A. 21 March 2008: I agree with Uncle Phil and Yos.... (read in full...)
Is anal that bad?
Q. hey well i have erm quite an embarrassing question, my boyfriend and i have recently decided to become sexually active. we have decided to wait till next month at least when im 16, as he is 19 and we love each other too much to cause any trouble. we ...
A. 21 March 2008: I'm with Yos in this one. Yos, I don't think you went off the ball: you had to give the poster a reason why anal sex would definitely be a bad idea for her. Poster, I think you should follow the excellent advice Yos has given you.... (read in full...)
Are there just some people who are destined to be alone or who are slated to be unlucky in love?
Q. Help...hoping someone has some insight here. I broke up with a long time boyfriend about three years ago and since then I have had nothing but heartache with guys. It seems like I cannot win no matter how I play it. I really have nothing bad to s...
A. 21 March 2008: I know what you and Michael mean :-). I believe that something is the matter if you can't find someone who will like you. I don't mean this in a "bad" way. Just to give some examples, maybe people think you're just too nerdy, or "too nice", or ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend prefers masturbation/porn to sex???
Q. My boyfriend and I live together and have what others consider a perfect relationship. This is going to be a bit long winded, but I feel I need to start at the beginning so that it is all properly understood. When I first moved in, I quickly re...
A. 20 March 2008: KanadianCutie, I agree with Tisha-1. But I will go much further: only you can decide what you will do, but, if I were you, I would certainly leave. In all my life, I had never heard about anyone so addicted, and so uncaring about a partner. I ... (read in full...)
I would not have married her, had I known of her wild sexual past! What now?
Q. What do you do when you find out your wife has had a wild sexual past and you didnt know about it and if you had known about it, you would not have even asked her to marry you?...
A. 20 March 2008: I agree, we should bookmark this one. Here we have the advice of two men who have actually gone through the problem and SOLVED IT. Which should be our goal if the site is to help people.
I will leave my own opinions out regarding what I will say... (read in full...)
I would not have married her, had I known of her wild sexual past! What now?
Q. What do you do when you find out your wife has had a wild sexual past and you didnt know about it and if you had known about it, you would not have even asked her to marry you?...
A. 20 March 2008: Here I am again, just to add a little. I think Yos is also raising a very good point. He is telling us what a man in that situation feels. I've never been (or known I was) in that situation, so I can't really know what the feelings are like. ... (read in full...)
My BF suggests that I get an abortion but I disagree, please advise!
Q. i think i might be pregnant but my boyfriend says i should get an abortion what should i do???i don't want him to leave me alone with the baby but i don't believe in abortion, some out there please help....
A. 20 March 2008: Laura1318 has a very good point. Confirm it first. Then, see what your parents think about this: you are too young to really be able to decide on this one.
Don't let your boyfriend put pressure on you. He must be as scared as you are, and thes... (read in full...)
I would not have married her, had I known of her wild sexual past! What now?
Q. What do you do when you find out your wife has had a wild sexual past and you didnt know about it and if you had known about it, you would not have even asked her to marry you?...
A. 20 March 2008: I'm with eyeswideopen, who is often amply right (I guess you can't say "widely right", can you?). Either you accept her as she is, or you leave.
On the other hand, what kind of a wife has she been? I think that's what should matter most.
... (read in full...)
What should I do about his constant rejection of my advances?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. For first 6 months sex was frequent but then I started to get rejected whenever I initiated. If i waited for him to make a move he didn't. Eventually after refusing to talk about it I said I was ...
A. 20 March 2008: Maybe I will be insensitive in this matter, but I have my suspicions about this. He was abused as a child, all right; but that didn't prevent him from having frequent sex during the first six months. This is inconsistent, for me at least.
I hav... (read in full...)
Do I just walk out of this relationship?
Q. My ex dumped me 10 years ago, and shortly thereafter I started dating a co-worker. I was torn because I thought my ex would accept me no matter what and loved me. Because of him, I felt able to truly be myself for the first time in my life. After ...
A. 20 March 2008: Great advice from Emmy Lou. I don't think I can add anything to her post.
Emmy-Lou,
I like you.
... (read in full...)
I was molested by my stepdad, now with kids of my own how do I tell my mom I don't want them in their house!?
Q. Since I was about 6 years old till I was about 16 years old my step father molested and raped me, it was an every day thing. It finally got to the point were I wouldn't even fight him anymore, I would just let it happen. I finaly got the courage to ...
A. 20 March 2008: Poster, I'm afraid that pressing charges wouldn't do much good. I don't know the legal system in the United States, but I know that proving abuse is difficult everywhere. And then he would have the support of your mother. Maybe your sister would ... (read in full...)
I was molested by my stepdad, now with kids of my own how do I tell my mom I don't want them in their house!?
Q. Since I was about 6 years old till I was about 16 years old my step father molested and raped me, it was an every day thing. It finally got to the point were I wouldn't even fight him anymore, I would just let it happen. I finaly got the courage to ...
A. 19 March 2008: I agree with Baby Duck: you need to see a professional to help you with your flashbacks and memories. Some people are able to cope with abuses as severe and prolonged as the abuse you were submitted to, but it seems like you just thought you had ... (read in full...)
Does my ex really want me back after a bad breakup or are these just "booty calls"?
Q. Does my ex girlfriend want to get back together? we broke up, very badly, and did not talk for a month. I called her and invited her to a party at my house. she came. i kept things light and did not mention the relationship at all, and even kept ...
A. 13 March 2008: I would think she wants you back. However, I would ask her, just in case... You need to know where you really stand, and the way to know is asking. If she doesn't give a clear answer, then she isn't interested in a serious relationship anymore.... (read in full...)
I'd like to get back together w/ my ex even though she cheated on me.
Q. My ex cheated on me with a womanizer. they were together for 8 months and then he cheated; everyone warned her but she wouldn't listen! I still have strong feelings for her, and (very illogical) would like to get back with her).. However, I don't...
A. 17 August 2007: I agree that if you love someone, being a shoulder to cry is very good. A very nice thing to do. But, here I am giving advice to a good man who wants her woman back. So my concern is not the woman, but the poster of the question.
If you beco... (read in full...)
I'd like to get back together w/ my ex even though she cheated on me.
Q. My ex cheated on me with a womanizer. they were together for 8 months and then he cheated; everyone warned her but she wouldn't listen! I still have strong feelings for her, and (very illogical) would like to get back with her).. However, I don't...
A. 17 August 2007: I think you are getting this wrong. Of course you have a say in whether a relationship is resumed or not, but, since you already love her, it is she who will decide whether she wants you back or not.
If you become a shoulder to cry on, in the h... (read in full...)
I'd like to get back together w/ my ex even though she cheated on me.
Q. My ex cheated on me with a womanizer. they were together for 8 months and then he cheated; everyone warned her but she wouldn't listen! I still have strong feelings for her, and (very illogical) would like to get back with her).. However, I don't...
A. 17 August 2007: It's not illogical for you to still have feelings for her. That is called love. However, , first things first: Are you sure she wants to come back to you? Apparently this was not just a short adventure for her. It ended when the other man ended ... (read in full...)
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