A
male
age
41-50,
*ranscowboy
writes:Ok, so i'm in and odd situation and i really don't know what to do. let me explain and maybe y'all can help me out. First of all, let me go on to say that yes i know this is wrong i dont need any tips telling me i am a horrible perosn.I met this woman on the online dating site i use, and we started talking. Just small talk stuff like that. I know she is married, she is on the site to find some friends. I totally understand that and was cool with that. Then i had to have some surgery so i have been not able to work for the past 2 weeks and i have started talking to her everyday online.I told her, you better watch out cause all the married women seem to fall for me. For some reason i can only attracted the married ones, but that is a different post.Well i think i am falling for her. l. We flirt and laugh, and just talk. I have found myself missing the weekday because she is online then. The other day i commented on how i hate my voice, and i think i sound girly. She told me to call her and she would tell me. So i did, and she told me my voice sounded hott. She called my voicemail two more times that day just to hear my voice.I made a joke that i would make a video for her, just saying hi and i did and sent it to her. she told me she watched it 12 times that morning. Is she falling for me too?? She also borrowed her sisters cell phone to send me a text messege because she doesnt have text on her phone.What should i do, im sorry this is long but i had to explain everything Please help me figure this out.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): She is not falling for you. She is in love with the secret exchanges, the adventures, the excitement of doing something that allows her to break away from her homely routine. She is having fun flirting with you and enjoying the attention you're giving her...something she is not getting enough of at home. Knowing that you are attracted to her makes her feel sexy, desireable, and youthful again. I have been in her shoes, until I came to my senses and decided to work on improving my relationship at home instead. While I enjoyed the "Spring Fling" -- yes, sadly that was how I convinced myself that it was OK to have a little fun b/c life is too short...and if no one found out, it was harmless, right? Selfish thinking, but I'm guessing your gal may share some of that same mentality, which is why she's trying to keep this a secret. She obviously has a huge baggage and personal issues she needs to deal with at home, and you do not want to be trapped in the middle of her mess.You sound like a sincere, sweet kind of guy. Don't waste your efforts and emotions on her. Save your love for someone who not only deserves you, but who can reciprocate and give you the same courtesy in return. Tell her that while it's been fun getting to know her, you're looking for more than what she is able to give.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 The lips of a married woman is sweet to kiss
but it's fruit is bitter.
Adultery with a married woman is like after eating
she wipes her lips like nothing happens.
The only problem will be you......
Don't complicate your life , if you want to live till the ripe old age.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Seriously.
Don't screw around with a married person.
99% of the time it will end in tears and broken hearts for at least one person.
Think of the strain and heartache you will inflict on the third party after he finds out. Simply because you can't keep it in your pants when you get an offer.
You know why she borrowed her sister's phone to send a text?
CAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT HER HUSBAND TO FIND OUT. You twat.
How thick can you be?
I mean, where the hell is your mind at. She's married for effing hell's sake.
How the effing hell would you feel if your wife was bonding some piece of meat without you knowing? Not good, I'm betting.
I'm not saying you are a bad person, lord knows we can all be tempted and have feelings for someone we shouldn't, but only a moron actually considers acting on them.
So do yourself a favour and get as far away as you can from the married women. Go to clubs and meet some single girls. Join a yoga club and meet woment hat way.
Whatever you do, just make sure they aren't married or going out with someone first. Okay?
Oh, and it would help (it really , really would) if you would get some simple grammar lessons and use proper punctuation in your posts. I mean is is so goddamn hard to write English in the way you have been taught your entire life?
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 NEVER EVER MESS WITH MARRIED PEOPLE!!!!!!!
BAD karma for urself, and, u dont want to have to deal with an angry husband. rember this much. a person who has nothing left to lose is a angerous person to mess with..
i know i would not want o be on the ecieving end of that stick. so stay clear and, justcut the cord with her. dont be mean about it, but just dont respondto her texts etc.
there r billions of available bachorettes out there, so u wont be missing out on too much with her. let her problems and loneliness be her issues to solve. and dont be the source, or the temptation for her ruin, and urs. she is grown woman and she can handle her marital isues, and if he cant, then how do uexpect it to be any different with u involved in her lfe fter? so when the going gets tough with u, is she goin to get running with som other dude?
u cant be the bandaid to her problem, its temporary and when shes done, she will stray elswhere with other excuses to hand to the next gentleman. remember, what goes around comes round eventually, nip it while u can, while u can still get freeunscathed, for ur sake, and hers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Danielepew is so right. I have to add that this is a bored married person and you are a bit of entertainment. You shouldnt go anywhere near anyone who is in a relationship and certainly not married. Run like hell and stop getting in touch with her.
take care
xx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Well, I hope this will help.
First, I don't think this lady joined a dating site "to find friends". This is not to say that she's mean or the negative adjective you can think of; it's just to say that I don't buy what she said. She joined the site because she was trying to find someone. She knows people who are looking for love use the site, so she used it.
In my opinion, you shouldn't get involved with a married person, and married people shouln't get involved with anyone else. I'm not stupid (or so I believe) to ignore that married couples do have problems, "irreconcilable differences", and painful et ceteras, and I very much understand that a married person will want love, affection and a little sex from someone else, particularly if they don't find that at home, are neglected in general, et cetera. But I also believe that in any relationship you have to offer the other person a clean beginning, no baggage, no "issues you can't get over yet", or the like. When you get involved with someone, you need to offer that someone all of your time and attention. I also know that people sometimes do a little dating here and there to see who's around, and that's not the end of the world. OK.
But a married person has many pending issues to solve. I suppose she may have children. There's the husband, who might still love her, then the financial aspects of the marriage, the difficulty and the price to pay for getting a divorce, et cetera (et cetera). So I think that it's best for both the married and the unmarried person to have a clear beginning. That is, the marriage should be dissolved before any flirting.
You're falling for her, and it seems she is falling for you, too. Fine. But verify that first. Maybe you're reading too deep into it, though it doesn't seem so. Like Ronald Reagan, "trust, but verify".
Once you're sure she's into you, you need to talk openly and straightforwardly about what each one expects of the other. You need to know where you stand with her and what she expects. A friend of mine was seeing a married woman, and when he asked where he stood, she said "you knew I was married; I'm not leaving him". And this is the story that happens to so many women, too. So, be careful and ask what is happening.
You also need to bear in mind that, at first, the chances of making it with a married person are low. The married person has too many ties at the moment, and the stakes of tearing those ties are high. You might not be the most important personfor her, and maybe that's right: if she has a child, for example, I wouldn expect her to think about her child first, and only then about you.
It is too early to really know what is going on. But we aware of the road ahead.
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