A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:With the same guy for 15 years, got engaged last July 2007 were supposed to be wed May 17.2008 and on February llth he told me he loves me like a room mate and not with the pazzaz. We called off the wedding and I moved back home. Tells me he still loves me and can't see himself with someone else. Asked for time to see things clearly. What do I do? I am so hurt.
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 I can understand your pain. You love him very much, and I feel that you want to fight for this relationship to the very last bullet. The problem is whether that last bullet has been fired or not.
Sometimes I feel like my opinions are too blunt for the people in the site. Only you can tell what you will do. However, I think that fifteen years is more than enough for him to know whether he wants to marry you or not. In all that time, I'm sure both of you have run across other people who you might have liked; you had your share of problems and arguments; and you must have had your very good share of love. The "comfortable" stage set in very, very long ago, I guess. People do change with time, but I'm pretty sure that he should know full well whether he should stay with you or not.
That said, if I were you, I wouldn't give him a second chance. He had one, that lasted fifteen years, and he blew it. And now he has you in nowhere: you don't move on, and you don't have him, either. I don't think that's fair for anybody. If you let him, this situation will continue until he decides what he will do with his life. While he has control of the situation, you put yourself in his hands. That's unfair, too.
If you want to give him the chance, tell him the clock is ticking and he can't count on having you forever. And mean it, dear poster.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontks for the answers It is very hard cause I do love him and how do you just turn the buttons off and stop...either way I will hurt
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A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 What do you want to do? You obviously don't know. How do you feel about him? I'm guessing you obviously love him a lot or else you wouldn't be so hurt.
You should know from your own experiences that emotions are sometimes hard to define and some people have more trouble sorting through them than others. Perhaps the thought of marriage freaked him out and caused him to make a rash decision that he soon learned to regret? Or maybe he is an idiot and shouldn't be given a second chance.
You can wait for him to 'see things clearly' but how long are you willing to give him for that? It could end up continuing to hurt. You could give him this last chance, and then move on. Or you may decide you'd rather not be with him at all, because if he loved you - he'd know right?
This is your decision, either way it could hurt and you could either be ending up happily with him or in pain because you gave him another chance. Only you can make this decision. Think it through carefully. If it was me and i loved him with all my heart, i'd have to give him chance to make a decision - just to clear up the 'what if's' that would go through my mind later on if i walked away. But if he hurt me and decided he didn't love me, i'd walk away forever.
But as i said, it's totally up to you. this is just what i would do.
Best of luck,
Miss Kin.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Either move on or continue to suffer. If he really really loved you....he would have married you within 3 years of your first meeting.
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