A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have just recently started having sex with my girlfriend. And it's great. We've planned everything well and have all the safety precautions and i seem to please her, however i cannot ejaculate when i'm having sex. I get tired before i ejaculate and this is after 15-20 minutes! I think this could be partly because of the condom. We have been using the thicker safer ones and it doesn't seem very tight which could explain why i can't feel my girlfriend very well. I find her very attractive and can normally ejaculate and have an erection normally and i thought this would come quicker through sex until i could control myself. Is it me , just the way i am or is there other condoms which are tighter and don't move as much or is it a permanent thing. When she touches me without nthe condom i feel highly stimultaed yet the condom seems to dim things. but we haven't had sex without one so i'm worried it's just the way i am and it will always be like that? thanks for your help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Yes, the problem is most probably caused by the condoms you're using. Any condom you use will reduce sensation, but the thicker ones reduce it so much that they're used by guys who have problems with premature ejaculation and want to last longer. Since you have the opposite problem, the first thing you should do is to stop using extra thick condoms. They aren't really going to be any safer that regular condoms used properly anyway.
You should also said that the condoms aren't very tight either which could be another problem. It could be because thicker condoms aren't as flexible so that problem could be solved when you start using regular ones. If, on the other hand, you feel like the regular ones are too loose as well, then you may want to consider finding a slimmer sized condom.
In the end, I'm pretty confident that the problem is with the condoms and not you, so you should just focus on trying to find the right one and not worry about whether there's something wrong with you. There are so many different varieties of condoms that you should be able to find one that suits you.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 I agree with Uncle Phil and Yos.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 It could be the condoms. Go get a very thin one and see if that helps. Certainly the first thing to try.
It could also be other factors. Here are some possibilities.
1. Nervousness and performance anxiety. It's 'expected' that you come when having sex with your girlfriend. That can create a pressure to preform, that, combined with being a bit nervous (which is very natural) means you don't come easily. If this is what is going on, then it should hopefully go away after a few times as you get more used to having sex.
2. The other likely possibility is that you're just getting used to the different 'pressure' that your girfriends vagina exerts on you. You'll be very used to your hand from masturbating: it's possible with your hand to grip a lot tighter than a vagina will. This can result in you getting used to that level of tightness, making it harder to orgasm with regular sex. The way to 'solve' this is to just stop masturbating for a while. After you've left it a while the problem should go away.
There are a few other possible reasons but they are less common, so I suggest you look at the ones above first. Well done for using a condom by the way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Unfortunately that's the nature of condoms, they do reduce sensation a fair bit. Go and talk to the shop assistants at Boots or wherever you get them from and explain the problem about it being loose etc - you don't have to go into too much graphic detail, and if there's a better alternative they'll point you in the right direction.
Putting it on properly is another consideration - if you've got a foreskin peel it back before putting on the condom which will allow better stimulation of the glans.
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