A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if I should be upset or just let it go. My husband and I were at a birthday party dinner for one of his friends that I have only met once so I knew no one at this party. I fell easily into conversation with a women at the dinner party and she was telling my husband and I that she loves to sing but isn't great but that it doesn't stop her. She asked my husband if I was a good singer (I am no Whitney Houston but I can carry a tune and have even been told by my husband and others that I have a nice voice). Well his answer was I don't know I haven't heard her sing enough. We have been together for 9 yrs and I sing all the time. I was kind of taken back by that comment and the more I think about it the more it hurts my feelings. It isn't that I think I am some great singer I just think he should have said something nice about his wife. I always build him up to others. But why would he lie? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 September 2015):
 I think he just wanted to be polite to the other lady. Since she JUST had said that she is not such a good singer, telling her in the next breath that YOU, instead, are great could have been a bit tactless , a bit insensitive.
Maybe not ,maybe she would just have laughed about it, but perhaps she would have felt bad, or embarassed being compared unfavourably. When in doubt... better be vague and non-committal just as your husband was :)
Anyway, he is your husband, not some casual acquaintance ! You can ask HIM : " Hey you have heard me singing for the past 9 years, how came you said you barely know my singing voice ? "...
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (2 September 2015):
 Some possibles are: (1) flattery to you that you don't sing enough to him (2) seeking to shrink her convo with him by keeping you out of it (3) knew how you feel about your voice so wanted to end with her so you don't start controversy (4) did not wanna brag about you out of courtesy to her so she doesn't feel stupid (5) did not wanna brag about you because boasting is something he avoids .... We could go on with various other reasons. .. But who among us can guess what was on his mind?
So, if he is still with you, then whatever he said was just meaningless off-the-cuff remark to get that other woman away. Therefore, relax and don't ruminate on a meaningless irritation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2015): I don't think this counts as a lie, just him being tactful.Men rarely want to get into a situation where they end up comparing the attributes - or shortcomings - of one woman with another, particularly where one is their wife and they may not know the other one very well at all.You are hurt that he didn't compliment you on front of this other woman. I can understand that - it's always nice when a partner does so. But are you jealous of her somehow? Does your husband not complimenting you in front of her suggest to you that he was maybe attracted to her and 'dumbed down' your abilities so that it subtly seemed like he has no particular loyalty to you? Is that what's getting to you?If that is what's at the back of your mind, then I would say that I doubt that's what he was doing. But I do feel for you and understand the 'sting' of the apparent lack of instinctive compliment. Are you worried about your marriage in other areas and this seemingly tiny incident has brought your insecurities out? If not, I really don't quite understand why else you would be upset? Is there another reason you can think of? Is it even worth dwelling on do you think?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2015): Ask him. The reason is probably less sinister than you imagine.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (2 September 2015):
 I have heard this kind of thing before. My sister's husband said, offhandedly to their children, "You know what your mother is like with blood", meaning she was hopeless.
Somehow he seemed to have forgotten that she is a nurse working in the dialysis unit.
They have subsequently become divorced due to his infidelity.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2015):
 Maybe he was trying to not make her feel bad about her own skill set?
Or didn't want you to feel pressured to perform or what not.
Why not just ASK him?
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