A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do some men turn really nasty when they dump you?I had a bad fall out with my ex. We had only been seeing each other a short time but after a few months we fell out over a misunderstanding and he dropped me - just like that - no warning, nothing. He has a very high opinion of himself and a lot of women are attracted to him, but he is the sort of person who holds grudges badly and is very unforgiving - but to just cut me out of his life is mad!!I tried to get a few "I'm sorry" messages to him via mutual friends as he had already blocked me on his phone and social media - but he just totally ignored me and still does.I can understand why a man would want to break up and move on with no contact - but why do so in this harsh and cruel manner with no explanation or warning?!! I have known other men act in a similar way too - but not all of them obviously. So I would like to know if this kind of behaviour is common and if so why be so hurtful like that, when a simple explanation would just be needed.
View related questions:
move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2015): Hi - I am the OP thanks for the answers.
In answer to the questions to what the fall out was about - it was about acusing him of being a player because he was chatting up other women whilst with me also.
Whether he is a player or not remains to be seen - but he is now dating one of those women & looking back his "nasty" reaction was probably to try & dump me quicker without keeping me hanging..
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 September 2015):
 Since you mentioned a bad fall out, well, maybe the bad fall out WAS the warning.
I mean, it happens some times that people start an argument and it escalates and things get said or written in the heat of the moment , and when something is said you can't unsay it.
Then, people have different breaking points, different limits. You may happen to overstep the other person's limits without even knowing, noticing or suspecting it, particularly if you don't know them that well as in your case.
We get occasionally , say, a post from some hapless guy who says, frankly astonished. " We argued, I called her bitch and now she won't take my calls or answer my texts ! I apologized, I explained that I never meant it, I promised I won't ever do it again, and still nothing ".
Well, live and learn, people are different . Some women will say, OK he is basically a nice guy and a good bf who just had a big " foot in mouth " moment. But some other women will feel, " no pal, go " bitch " your sister . Verbal abuse is my dealbreaker and we are done for good ".
The problem is that when you do not know well a person you don't know their potential dealbreakers yet.
It is possible that what for you is just a silly goofy misunderstanding which you can explain away and then you can kiss and make up, maybe for him was the time you stepped on his corns one too many. So " The End ".
Other than that , I blame too an always more visible
" disposal dating pool " mentality,as Honeypie mentions. It's not exactly, or not only, a matter of bad manners
( although it may be that too ). It's more like , I don't know if it's all because of dating sites and social media which make all the world seem so approciable, or becaue of other factors,...but I've got the feeling that relationships have become more and more functional, useable and replaceable. A date , or even a partner, as a provider of certain services according to certain requirements , standards and expectations. The very moment he / she does not provide and conforms to what expected, why wasting time and words in explaining, mediating, negotiating, fixing things. It's simpler to just turn page and change provider.
A bit like when you hire a plumber or an electrician and you are not satisfied with his services. Maybe you think that he should have charged less, or worked faster, or tidied up better etc.etc., so , even if he did not totally botch the job , still you are not quite happy with the result. Few people would sit down with the workman , patiently explaining what they did not like, tryng to convince him of the error of his ways and seeking together a middle course solution that could be ok for both parties in future. Much more people would simply check the Yellow Pages ,or online listings , for next time they need a repair- after all there are tons of other plumbers and electricians you can try !
Of course ( or at least hopefully ! ) that does not happens when true feelings are present and people do care about each other - then if they have a spat they 'll try to fix it.
But if it is a new, not very deep relationship , more on the recreational side atm,... I understand ( without justifying him ! ) how this guy thinks he does not OWE a clarification. Until you perform your function without glitches , fine, the moment you start giving problems- it's " next plumber please " . After all there are so many others around .
...............................
A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (20 September 2015):
 Hey could you give us a little info into what the falling out was about? This could better help us trying to dissect his thinking and respond better to your questions
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2015): Sounds just like the guy I was seeing. He got so mad at me for things that I know were a misunderstanding but he was so unforgiving and judgemental that he would ignore me for days sometimes.He thought that all men wanted to be him and all women wanted him. Well a lot of women did but if they knew the real him they'd be running off into the sunset. He was extremely charming, life and soul of the party and really fun to be around at the start.But when we fought he was extremely nasty, he blocked me from his phone and social media. No matter how hard I tried explaining things he wouldn't listen.He was a narcissist and unfortunately some men, and women, are like that. They will never change and the age he was that's the way he always will be.Chalk it up to experience as the one poster said and don't think about him again. Not your fault he's like that he's just set in his ways.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2015): Thanks for the opinions so far! All very wise thoughts! OP x
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (18 September 2015):
 Narcissistic personality disorder. Chalk it up and move on, only pain here.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 September 2015):
 I think in this day and age with online dating, and a generally larger selection of possible partners, some people think if the person they meet and start to date isn't perfect, you can always find someone who is. Very much a "disposable dating pool" mentality.
They see using manners and some common courtesy as a "waste of their time" - why waste time and effort on a person you aren't going to keep in their life? THAT is the mentality for many people when it comes to dating.
You have a different view of what is socially acceptable in the situation where a relationship ends than he does. Which is another reason you two may not have been a great match anyways.
Just like some people will say excuse me in public if they have to squeeze past you, others don't. The latter just don't think they "OWE" anyone to be polite. You are ( I bet) the type who will say, excuse me, thank you, yes please - HE is a type who (like you put it) have a super inflated opinion of himself and thus don't think he NEEDS or OWES others courteous regard.
Don't take it as a personal affront. There is no point to it. And don't apologize to someone who doesn't give a fly's fart about your opinion. And lastly, don't involve friends into the drama. The guy walked away in an ill-mannered way - HIS choice. End of story.
Like Sage pointed out... It showed you something about this guy, that wasn't exactly the signs of a great guy. So while he PROBABLY did what he did out of totally 100% selfish reasons, he showed his true colors to you in the same go - which I would USE to let him go.
So, to sum it up - He wasn't a keeper, don't waste any more time on him or feeling bad that it didn't work out or that he "snubbed" you.
Life is too short for that. Go out there and enjoy life.
De-clutter your own phone, delete his number, and anything that has anything to do with him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 September 2015):
 They do it because they're jerks.
The irony is, that you find out after-the-fact that he was a jerk... and if he'd announced it to you at the beginning, you could have avoided wasting time with him...
P.S. Same applies to women....
Good luck...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2015): Men are just men, they are not gods on stilts..Why the bloke you were seeing dumped you is a matter for him to know.When one guy dumps you there will soon be a queue clamouring for you because he was not the one and they still want to try to see if youre the one for them or theyre the one for you.Dont apologize to this guy.Maybe he just met someone new or maybe he already had someone else or he's a player and has a lot of girls to bat around the field until he can bat no more.Think of yourself in this situation and see that he is trying ti be definate. Maybe his mumhad a word and said " I dont like the way you are messing these girls around son ...and now that shelley is pregnant you had better get your act together and stop playing the field.." Dont give him any more of your time but plan what youd like from your future and you will meet someone new in due course.
...............................
|
