A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I finally met a good guy to be with, but he had only broken up with his ex-girlfriend just over a month before and said that he needed his 'space' to be single because he wasn't ready yet to be a boyfriend again. Trouble is, it was already after we'd seen each other seriously long enough for me to fall for him. So do I just completely move on and forget about him, or do I gradually think of a way to win him back until he's ready? And if so, how?-One Frustrated Lady
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female
reader, sweettina  +, writes (14 March 2010):
I am in a situation a little like yours, only the guy that I have my eye on, has left to go back to PuertoRico he had been wotking here in new york for some time. he is the sweetest guy I ever met and very handsome and good chemistry. I miss him and hope he'll call or email me one day. If not, but I am waiting for him. The last time we spoke over the phone I told him that I am very fond of him and I told him I hope to hear from him again. Then something strange happened! after I expressed my admiration for him over the phone, I felt somthing in my heart! it was a loving sensation in my heart I felt it coming from him,that never happended to me before.
Has that ever happen to anyone before?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): I'm going through the EXACT same thing right now!!! I really like this guy he's everything I could hope for and the total opposite of a jerk. Again my problem is the same his ex left him and they were common law for about 4 years. He says he's not ready to date and just wants to be friends, but when we are together, things get heated and in a good way. I've already made my decision I don't write him unless he writes me and I don't call him unless he calls me. I'm trying to give him the space I told him that I would give him. It is hard, but I'm also not laying down my own life, I've still going to go out there and date and have fun with friends. Even though I'm always waiting for his calls I haven't shut my life out waiting for him to make a decision on where I fall into his.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Me, the poster: Don't get me wrong, I do know all the rules of the game, so I haven't done anything wrong so far. Perhaps the only thing was letting him have a pretty good idea that I cared enough to date him, but hey, at least then he knows for the future if he ever changes his mind. I haven't really spoken to him since we ended things less than a week ago; he did want me to go boarding with him and his buddies this weekend but I told him I didn't think I could. Otherwise, I was just wondering how to go about from there. I guess I"ll play it by ear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Ok, so you like this guy and he is asking for space after you have completely fallen for him.
Here is the crux of your problem. He has only been "single" for one month. He just got out of a relationship where he did not make the girl happy and he is not ready to be committed to another woman....you on the other hand have probably let him know that you are smitten 100% and that has made him flee fearing that he does not want to lead you on, as he is not ready for a relationship and does not know what he wants.
You absolutely have to step back and forget about him for awhile, date other men, and live your own life...don't for one second let him think that you are not happy or OK without him because you know that you are!
The more emotional independence you show, the more he will want to be by your side...do not beg, or sell yourself to him or call him or text him or ask him out....you can occasionally stay in touch with a friendly e-mail or phone call, but don't ask him out.....let him do that as he needs to think the whole thing is his idea anyway.
In the mean time, don't cut yourself off from meeting other interesting people. Like the song says, you really "can't hurry love".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Hi, it's me, the poster;
Thanks for all of your advice, even if a lot of it contradicts with one another. I've had to get over my fair share of jerks, but this one particularly sucks because he is not one. I just wish someone could have a step-by-step guide that would help me get him back, and some magical fairy to help him be ready again. Shakespeare was right when he said love was a total disease. I miss him. Some say forget about him, some say be his friend. I still am not sure what to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): I, myself was in the exact same situation as you. I tried to be his "friend", but he would occasionally send me these "I miss you so much" txts, and because I had fallen for him, I gave in, against my better judgement, as I knew in my heart that he wasnt ready for a relationship. Now, a few more months down the line, he seemed not to know what he wanted from one week to the next, and hes pretty much left me heartbroken, when I knew I should have walked away, as hard as it is, I would walk away, especially as you have feelings for him, it will be evermore difficult to control your feelings.Good luck, whatever you decide.x
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 You respect his need to remain single and continue to be his friend. Don't expect too much from him and give him his space when he feels he needs it. I'm sure in time, he'll come seeking you out and continue to have a close relationship with you be it one of friends or more.
Eve
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