A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been having an affair with a married man for three years and i know it is not going anywhere.So why have i not got the courage to say goodbye? As i know it,s what i need to do before someone gets really hurt
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2007): I have bee seeing a man for over 3 years now. He isn't married but does have a live in girfriend. He told me everything about this. The place is his and she won't leave and he won't tell you to. We really love each other but some times its very hard dealing with this.We are a older couple and feel that we should be happy.Is the the right way to feel?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): I understand your agony, I too was dating a married man.He had moved out, and it was all going swimmingly until his wife of thirty some years fell apart. He was so guilt ridden he moved back, then out, then back and on and on. In the in between times I continued to see him... certain he would wake up...but why would he? He has it all.Don't get me wrong, this is a fine man... not a cheating creep... but the situation insidiously became an affair.It is a difficult decision, but the only one you can make if you respect yourself.I am miserable, he is miserable and his wife is miserable, because she knows that he has fallen in love with another woman. Relationships with married men have the illusion of being "perfect"... untested, always new and exciting, but terribly wrong for everyone.It has been 7 weeks, and I feel so much better about myself. I miss him, I am lonely, I still cry.But you know what? How could he respect me if I am party to this deceptive entanglement?Keep in mind that he probably won't leave. However, if he were? It would only be after you define yourself as a woman who expects a whole, committed, healthy relationship.Be your best.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (22 February 2007):
 Who are you afraid is going to get hurt. I bet it's not his wife. You're in a bad spot. I understand how these things happen but I have a difficult time feeling sorry for you. You built a dream based on deception, adultry and very little moral fibre. You're not alone as it happens all the time. He's rotten for cheating on his wife but in my opinion, you're no better. Wrong is wrong.
If you see an old lady get her purse stolen and the thief drops $20 as he runs away, is it yours to keep if you pick it up? It wasn't you who stole the purse, you just picked up the money that fell out. It your friend picked up the $20 and took you out for lunch with the old ladies money, would you feel good about eating the food? Here's one, if your daughters husband was cheating on her, would that be OK? By your standards it would. Afterall, your daughter doesn't know. Sometimes if we use silly analogies, it makes things clearer.
You need to figure out why you feel you only deserve his leftovers. Talk to a therapist. Take a look in the mirror and tell yourself that you'll no longer be a thief of another womans time with HER man. Understand that when you decided to be the kept woman that you gave up all rights to validated feelings. There are plenty of men out there and when you decide to embark on a ship that's already sinking, you've only got yourself to blame when it sinks. This al may sound harsh to you but it's reality. We reap what we sow.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (21 February 2007):
 Because you love him. But this is a situation that only you can rectify. He will never finish this whilst he is having his cake and eating it is he? He is getting the best of both worlds and having a whale of a time. Try to remember he will not end his relationship with his wife and you are only second best, plus if you end it he will probably move onto another 'victim'. Now take the leap, ring him and stop belittling yourself and wait for the guy who will make you his princess and not his 'spare' .
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (21 February 2007):
 The reason you can't say goodbye to this man is because you have become emotionally attached to him. You know there's no future there for you both so the sooner you leave him and move on the sooner you'll start to heal again.
As nice as it was, you know it's wrong. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would YOU feel if you found out the love of your life was sleeping with someone else? Yes, you have feelings for him but men who have no intention of being with you will tell you what you want to hear... "I wish it could be like this always," "I wish my wife was more like you," "I wish I'd met you first," "I'll never stop loving you" etc etc. Don't fall for it. At the end of the day you're his bit on the side love. I know it sounds harsh but that's the reality of your situation.
Get yourself some confidence. You don't need this guy, you can get anyone you like! Spend time with yourself, pamper and treat yourself. Here is a link to help you regain your confidence.
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
Have pride in yourself, you deserve more than someone else's husband. Out there is someone who is just right for you, that will treat you in the way you deserve to be treated, who will love you for YOU... and who is single and ready to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Eve
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (21 February 2007):
 It's hard to say goodbye to anyone who makes us feel wanted and loved, even though you know you're second best. In your position I think I would focus on his wife and how much it would hurt her to know what's going on and use that as your motivation for breaking up.
CD
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