A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was with my ex for 5 years. I was totaly head over heels the first year or so. But I guess his true colors shone through over the years and now he is everything I hate. I am mad at myself for being with him. When I think about how I had sex with him, I feel so discusted. I am married with a baby now but I just can't get this out of my head. I mean, this guy is a real loser. He hit me, refused to work, lied all the time, talked himself up(lies), couldn't hold a job, was a social retard, was mentally abusive, picked fights with my friends and totally embarassed me, was a little baby that hit me when he didn't get his way, the list goes on and on..now he is near 30, still no job, mooching off his poor mom who is 63 and works midnights in a nursing home wiping butt to pay the bills, including all his bills. And to top it off, he won't lift a finger to help her around the house. He eats then leaves his dirty dishes right there. I remember his mom had a stroke, and I visited her in the hospital she was there a few days. I went over to her house and it was a disaster area. I asked my b.f. why couldn't he take care of the house while his mom was in the hospital? His response was "she likes to do it" He would always hit her up for money, and things. At holidays, he never even got her a gift. I feel so sorry for her b/c she is such a nice giving person. Since I left him about 2 yrs. ago, he won't leave me alone and still emails my family members and friends asking about me. I just want to know, how could I have been so stupid to be with someone like him? Has anyone else had these feelings?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): Yes, i sure can understand that one. i was a battered wife for 20 years!!! then i was with a complete and utter nit wit for 11.5 years, shall i go on?? I am VERY DISGUSTED at myself for giving them the best years of my life and putting up with this misery. I could kick myself every day of my life, so your little 5 years is nothing. Please do not beat yourself up because of it, just do what i did and swear never to let it happen again.I never will. I have been married 6 months to a most wonderful guy and i just hope i live long enough to have many happy years with him.
Put 100% into your relationship now and put this idiot out of your mind altogether.
take care
xx
A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (18 October 2007):
 Hi
My ex bf has not done half the things that yours has but i do regret going out with him now. He was unstable and so was his family. I guess we just have to forget about out past misrakes but take forward the lessons that we have learnt. You should be agonizing yourself about him, What is done is done and you can do anything to change it. You should just move forward with your new life. Get your huuby to give him a call and tell him to back off. You should also speak to your family members anf friends and ask them not to give him any update regarding you. Im sure if you had your way you wouold ask them to stop speaking to him but you cant. Just tell them tht you would prefer if he didnt hear anyhting about you.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
female
reader, MonDoc  +, writes (18 October 2007):
Relationships are one of the best teaching devices there are... they teach us all about ourselves. Don't be disgusted. Instead use the experience to realise that you've learnt some very big lessons on what you do and don't want in a partner. You can use this when you enter your next relationship - if you start seeing traits early on that resemble what you had with this guy, you'll know to walk away early & not waste further time. Pretty soon, you'll be able to do it (pick the good from bad) within a few dates as you start to see traits in the little things they do (e.g. someone takes you out & is rude to a waiter -- good indication they are disrespectful by nature)... and THAT is a very valuable lesson and something to be valued.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (18 October 2007):
Don't try to figure it out. Just be sure you don't repeat the mistake.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 October 2007):
 You need to ask your family members to refrain from contact from this person. If he continues to attempt to contact you, I would seek a restraining order. You're married now, his treatments toward you and others is uncalled for, but now you have a family to think about. Don't live in the past and wonder how you could have done that. You need to think of the family you have now. Think of it this way. If it wasn't for the bad experience, would you be in the loving marriage you are in now, or could you be some other place at this moment.
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