A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my partner for 6 years, we have 2 kids wee girl 7 months and wee boy 2 1/2 years. At the beginning we had a great life, then I started going out with my mates male and female, he would only let me out until 8pm snd if I was 1 min late I got beaten but when he went out he could stay out until 3am when the pubs/clubs closed. Now we have 2 kids I dont get out im in constantly with the kids if I go out during the day I MUST take them with me. He can just get up and go out whenever he wants but when I say well why cant I go out he replies with "where would you go, and who would you go with" Im getting sick of it, when we are in the house he calls me fatty etc. And accuses me of being with other men.What can I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Weather its name calling or hitting it's abuse. Name calling, emotional abuse, heals slower than physical. Two years ago, "the last time he hit" you should have been gone. Your welcome anyway, but even with the name calling, you stay around there, your kids can thank you for raising a new generation of abusers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry you have all misread this, I put since we have had 2 kids its name calling, not being able to go out because ive got the kids myself constantly, hes not hit me for over 2 years, before I became pregnant with DS. Thanks anyway
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): You should of left the first time he hit you. Got the police involved and had him arrested. No one has the right to lay a hand on another person. Forget about wanting to go out -LEAVE!!! You dont deserve this life of slavery and misery and that is all it is. I was a battered wife who had to ask permission to go out, he used to say NO! I took it for long enough! we had two kids, i managed to get away. Please, promise me that you will leave this brute and end this misery. You only have one life - so dont throw anymore of it away.
take care and keep in touch if you want.
xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): He would beat you, and you decided "I think I'll have a kid with a man who beats me"??? Then another kid? Wow, you make some awful life choices so I doubt you'll even take anyones advice here. But the answer is obvious, leave the jerk.
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A
female
reader, beauty585 +, writes (12 October 2007):
 get out of the relationship now you are being abused and things are going to get alot worst if you continue to stay with him..you have your kids and yourself in danger LEAVE HIM NOW...u deserve better!!
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (12 October 2007):
Tell him you'll call the cops if he ever beats you again. Then do it. Make some arrangements to go out with your friends. Then do it. Don't cheat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): Just to add to BabyDuck's short but insightful answer, I have a question. If he 'beat you' what more does he have to do before you get the message that you and your children, are in for is long term pain?? Please don't state you put up with this, because you really love him. What's there to love? The man beat you. He committed a vile act against you and this was not love on his part, dear. He is an abuser. I think what you need to do is fully realize what you feel for this man is not love but a desperate attachment on your part, dear. This is what is cementing you emotionally, into this destructive relationship with an evil man. Save yourself and your babies. Get the hell out of there. And stop thinking that you love him..you are using this as a rationalization for tolerating crap when in fact, you shouldn't. You need to to change how you view yourself in order to gain the courage to move ahead, without him. Just take the first step in a much healthier direction. Grab your babies and pick yourself up, and realize that when you leave youyou experience freedom...the freedom to do something healthy for yourself and learn from this life experience. The choice is up to you
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 October 2007):
If this is going to work. You guys need some professional help. This is abusive and controlling behavior. H has no right to treat you this way. That's also why you have to take the kids with you everywhere you go and aren't allowed to go alone. It's his way of making sure you aren't cheating on him.
I do stress a bit of caution when trying to make these changes. If he feels as if it's threatening or as if his being in control is compromised, it can cause much worse problems.
These are the behaviors found in partners being attacked by the other one after breaking up. He really has no right to restrict you, to dictate what you do and what you don't
Take care, and remember if you don't take action, your kids will grow up and possibly carry on this tradition of abuse.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Just a thought....how about instead of each of you going out separately, how about you two going out as a family and every week make it just for you two so you both can have some alone time together. Get a baby sitter when you need one. When you have kids, I can imagine it gets hectic and you probably do need some time alone with out them, but when you both go out to bars and clubs, even with friends, I feel as if both of you could stray away from each other. I use the words...your asking for it. Call me old fashioned, but it happens ALL the time. And the the excuse is I'm with my friends. So? Unless you both can communicate with each other well, understand each others feelings and not take each other for granted, you both will head down a horrible road and it sounds as if it's happening in front of the kids which is NOT good. Take some time for you two to be together and talk about this and come to an understanding that both of you will be happy with. If you want to stay together, you both need to work together and not get upset, not call each other names, and not argue or the such in front of your kids.
Open communication is the key for your marriage to last and for both of you to work this out.
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