A
male
age
41-50,
*ommy2k7
writes:My ex hurt me a lot, cheated on me, lied to me, deceived me, and yet part of me still wants her back. When she's hurt me, why does some of me still want to hold on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): talk to her and explain???
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (24 October 2007):
 She may have made up the rape thing so you would feel sorry for her. Most men are drawn to women who have been victimized and they tend to want to protect them. She has probably figured that out and she uses it. It's possible that she was raped, but most women who have gone through a tramatic sexual experience such as rape, have hang ups about getting intimate with men, they usually avoid sex, or have difficulty enjoying it. She doesn't fit the profile. I think it was just another scam she used to get to you. I like some of the advice given about how you should prepare yourself for her next text message, or next phone call. You could simply not answer your phone - but I know the curiosity would probably kill you. You know you are still hoping she wants you back - for real. But that'll never happen. She doesn't know what real is. You'd be better off to blow her off when she contacts you again. Or at least if you do respond, don't do it right away. Give it a day or two and then just a brief, reply stating how busy you've been and make yourself seem disinterested in whatever her current drama is. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (24 October 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the question If she wasn't raped, why would she make it up?
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (23 October 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've just read your 'I'm doomed' answers. My ex was like that too. When she got hurt by men, I was her 'fall-back plan', or at least it seemed that way. Also, what struck me from one of the answers was the rape part. My ex told me she has a high sex drive, which makes me wonder whether she was telling the truth or just using it as an excuse to 'lure me in'At the start of our relationship, she kept on telling me that she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Then she changed her mind again and again.I finally decided that I didn't want to get hurt again and ended it.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (22 October 2007):
 Look at my page - (my answers) and see the one "Are we doomed." Might be some points in there that help you. Prepare yourself for the next text - and do something that puts you in control. It will make you feel so much better, believe me. It might be ignoring her messge for one day, it might texting to say you'll get back to her later, & then don't or get back much much later. Try it. You have to look after youself now. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (22 October 2007):
Look at my page - (my answers) and see the one "Are we doomed." Might be some points in there that help you.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (22 October 2007):
Look at my page - (my answers) and see the one "Are we doomed." Might be some points in there that help you.
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (22 October 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm trying to do some of those suggestions, but, she has this habit of ringing me or texting me when she gets hurt by men, and thats when she wants me back. She's a good-looking girl, and she uses her looks to her advantage (which can be a good and a bad thing!) Also, because she's says she only goes for men that are good-looking, she gets hurt a lot, and I don't think she'll ever change
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A
female
reader, isolated +, writes (20 October 2007):
I think in situations like this its not the person as they are that you miss its the person that you think they could be or you would hope them to be. Strangely enough the partners that treat you badly are the hardest to get over why that is is completely unknown to me and i ask myself that question daily. Move on in your life because at some point ( and i would suggest not to soon) you will be with someone who truly makes you happy and treats you well and you will look back and wonder why the hell you were even in that relationship. When im at my weakest and longing to have my ex back i sit and write the goods and bads about him, my bad list far outweighs the good and it puts me into perspective.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): Probably becouse you sensed that moment of "possibility" with her... Possibility for mutual happy future, and guess you cannot let it go just like that. Certainly there had to be something "real" in your relationship, despite her actions, and that is the part that you cannot get over...
But No matter how good it feels, if its one-sided cannot last.
The best thing is to remmember the good part of ur relationship Yet remmeber constantly of the bad parts, and how did you feel... Than you will gradually get over her
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (19 October 2007):
The pain of a break up always takes time to heal regardless of the situation or the persons involved. You fell in love with the person you "thought" she was, not the person she actually was. And it's very hard to fall out of love with that person. If you could see her for who she is, who she was all along, you would be able to let go of your feelings alot sooner. Try to see her realistically and think carefully about the things she did that were not good. And everytime you start to fantasize about the image you had of her, replace it with reality and remind yourself of the lies and deception that was her true character. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (19 October 2007):
I know just how you feel. Doesn't make sense does it!!!
My belief is that irrespective of how much they lied and cheated - when it was good - it was very good, and some part of you cannot let go of that vision you had of the future. This leaves you two "visions" - the ideal one and the spoiled one. And your brain imagines each of them at different times. My suggestion : - keep reminding yourself of the bad bits - the reality - the realisation it would never work. Hope you get over it soon.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (19 October 2007):
 You have obviously got a strong emotional attachment to this person which explains why part of you still wants her back despite all she has done to you. In time your feelings for will subside and you will eventually find a woman that loves & respects you.
Take care x
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Just because it hurt, doesn't meant you didn't have an emotional attachment to the person.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Because when you really love someone babe you can get past that.
Take care.xx.
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