A
female
age
36-40,
*821
writes:Me and my fiancé just recently broke up. We were together for four years. He said that I need to be on my own and deal with things from my past. That he was exhausted because he felt as if he had been living for two people for the past four years. I have trust issues and was very dependent on him. My mother committed suicide ten years ago and it has messed up my trust issues. When we broke up in person we were still hugging and kissing and he told me that in 6 months we will meet for dinner and see where things are. He told me that he still was in love with me. But would not be happy if things continued on as they were. He said I cannot count on being with him in six months and that I need to learn to love myself and be on my own. He said if its meant to be it will. And that he had been hurt. I am so confused. I know I need to change a lot of things and get help. We promised not to date other people for now and he promised not to give up on me. I am so hurt and depressed. Should I completley give up on him? I love him so much and I believe he loves me just as much. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
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female
reader, Serinity +, writes (19 October 2007):
 God bless you child. The pain you've suffered, the pain that has been dealt, can only be resolved by the word of God. Seek him, learn his ways, love him, worship him and I promise you..... the answers will come. The relief will come, the power to change will come. You need Jesus, you need God to understand and to overcome what you have been through and what you will become. You are God's angel, and I know it must hurt SOOOOOOOOO much to lose your mother like that. To feel abandon, but you're not alone. We live in a world of chaos, pain and frustration, but if you trust and believe in the Lord, you will prosper. You will see your inner beauty that shines regardless of any obsticals that may hendor you. I speak from experience dear, trust me, put your faith in the Lord, learn about him and you will become whole. Its a boyfriend or a man who is going to complete your life in the end, it is God and Jesus who will pave your path, but you must believe and obey the word of God, with that, you can achieve anything and you will feel whole again. You will also get the answer you've been looking for, my love..... Why? Why did she do it? Why? Don't blame yourself for one second. She was needed. For some reason, for some purpose. Whether you want to believe it or not, the purpose my actually be for you, in a good way. She is still here with you, she still hears you. And when you hear that little voice in your head, it's not just a coincindence.
She loves you more than life its-self. So, that being said, I don't think this is about him at all.....It's about closure. Closure that you need and closure that your mother needs. She loves you and she sees you, but she doesn't have the power to make your decisions nor anyone elses decisions. But she wants you to know that she loves you and she is there for you, cheering you on, waiting to hold you in her arms again (though she's not in a hurry for that because she wants you to live your life) "Don't make the same mistakes I did", she says. The time will come when you will be together again, until then... she promises to always look out for you, and to love you, and to be an "ear" when you need someone to listen. You can call me crazy if you want, but I've never experienced anything like this before, and these are not my words. These words came through me by the "Holy Spirit" the minute I responded to your question. It's not about you ex right now, it's about you and your mother. She is trying to make peace with you. She wants your forgiveness, and she wants you to know above all, that she always did and always will love you more than life its-self. "Please believe me", she says. She said that you are "her" angel and she needs you to be strong. She made a mistake, and she regrets not being there for you, but she doesn't want you to make the same mistakes. "Get those thoughts out of your head" she says. "You are a wonderful, beautiful girl, it's not your time. You will be loved beyond belief, you just need to let go and let yourself shine through. I'm sorry that I've caused you so much pain, so much doubt, and so much sorrow, but don't walk in my ways, learn from God and pave you own path. You are worthy my love, you are worthy. Don't give in because you deserve the best that love that love can offer. I love you my sweet angel".
Whew, and I'm sorry if this hurts and you don't have to believe any of this if you don't want to, but I promise you.....these are the words from your mother. I couldn't fake something like this if I tried. She came through me to get to you, and I hope her message is received in faith. She loves you and she will always be here for you, the only thing you need to do is..........BELIEVE! God Bless you child!
A
female
reader, k821 +, writes (19 October 2007):
k821 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your input. I actually have an appointment with a therapist on Saturday. I just feel horrible for pushing away the one person who I love more than anything. I never meant to hurt him and I hope in 6 months from now we can talk through this again and be together again. I hope he doesn't just give up on me.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 October 2007):
 It sounds like you have a real man with you. He realizes what will work best for you and your relationship long term, instead of keeping you as long as he could then having your relationship split.
I am really sorry about the loss of your mom. I can't even imagine what you've gone through.
I use different ways of explaining what happens with behaviors. I was thinking of your and relating it to my children. When we go to certain places my children get a balloon. There have been a few times they walk outside and the wind grabs the balloon and takes it away. Sometimes they will get lucky to go back in and get another one. When you remind them of the wind, the new one they are very careful to make sure it doesn't blow away. They wrap the string around their hand and grip it tighter. That's what happens with people we love. If we loose one suddenly, we feel as if we have to keep a tighter grip on others so they don't disappear.
I have to tell you, I don't like giving advise to this form of trauma. It's hard because I know what I'm going ask you to do is going to bring up quite a bit of emotion, but it's necessary to your health and well being.
I'd like for you to get a piece of paper and pen, and write you mom a letter. I want you to write everything you feel about what her action caused. Talk about the pain. What life has been like for you. Anything you want to put there. If you feel at all guilty, write that out too.
If you have questions unanswered, talk to your dad. Let him know you're struggling because of not understanding and you need to understand further in order to move on.
I want you to know this. People don't commit suicide because of their children, their spouses, their friends. It's inside them, problems their dealing with that are much greater than our understanding. You being a little girl at the time, you had not control in being able to change what had taken place.
When you are done with that, then you can start to realign and begin working on building yourself.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Have you had any counseling? Losing your mother like that at your young age has to be difficult to come to grips with. Counseling might help you sort things out.
I don't know what exactly the issues are with your boyfriend, but I have a feeling you are afraid of being abandoned and your boyfriend may feel suffocated by you. It's just a guess.
In any event, you need to seek professional help to get through the depression and to help you deal with any other issues you may have.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Dear K821
may be the best thing for you to do is go and see your Doctor, he may then pass you on to a councilor, you seem to have issues to resolve, until these issues are sorted out you will never be able to live a complete life, life some times can be a sad place to be when you have no one to help you, so go see the Dr and sort your life out, once and for all, look how much happier you will be.
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